tragic escalations


birth of butterflyIt starts innocently.

You take a look in a mirror. You think, Uh oh, that is not looking good.

You have piles of scripts to read. You think, I will do some leg lefts while I read.


And you do that.

Then you get tired of leg lifts. So you do arm lifts too. For variation.

Pretty soon a couple months have passed and you are starting to see changes. For the better. You ramp up the regime some.

You start taking your iron and omega three’s like you should because you cannot put that sort of stress on the bod and not take your iron and omega three’s. Then you think oh what the hell and throw a couple supplements in there.

Pretty soon you are taking all your freaking vitamins and working your ass off even when you are not reading and you look at something sugar laden and delicious and the thought that passes through your head is not, Yay sugar laden and delicious!, the thought that passes through your head is, Are you freaking kidding me? You know how hard I worked on this body today? I am not putting that crap in it —

And that is when you know.

While you were not looking you accidentally slipped into athlete mode.



[ps : color provided courtesy of janiebelle peer pressure]


where the art work comes from :
that is birth of butterfly from arman zhenikeyev

27 Responses to tragic escalations

  1. So it’s no good offering you some of the peanut butter and jam sandwiches I’m eating for lunch?

    The jam is homemade and the peanuts organic happy peanuts, if that helps.

  2. I offer a simple Congratulations!

  3. tell me how to do this again? i have never been able to accidentally slip into athlete mode. unless i count kicking my ever expanding butt into doing some up-down swings.
    congrats max, as ever achieving the impossible.

  4. max

    Stil, LOL — thanks, I think.

    Sol the peanut butter is good, that is protein and natural oils and fruit is good if there is not sugar added. Bread is not so good. I do not care about callories. Just content.

  5. max

    Blete, I dunno, it is just a place you hit. I have been here before. With dance. With martial arts. The time I put my body back together after a car accident. Each gain you make is one more thing you are unwilling to give up so the cost of eating or drinking whatever you are looking at that would set it back goes up.

  6. dailytri

    Oh Oh Oh what a feeling! Way to go. Krispy Kreme anyone?

  7. max

    You guys do know this is not necessarily a good place to be. It is obsessive compulsive and also very boring.

  8. Some things are okay in moderation. This is why my dieting was successfult this time I think – I allowed myself a glass of wine here, a little piece of chocolate there.

  9. max

    Oh well I am not completely gone. I had vodka Thursday and a Diet Coke yesterday and the cigs are not going anywhere.

  10. Shouldn’t that be “Seer pressure”?



  11. sulya

    Seems to me that what you are building again with your mind and body is trust.

    When you trust the connection between your mind and your body – you make better choices and get healthy. When you don’t trust that voice, the choices get worse, disconnection occurs, healthy habits drift.

    Your body gave you a signal you trusted and believed. “Get exercising,” it said.

    You acted on it. It suggested you try a bit more. You did. My thinking is that once you are re-establishing trust with your body, listening to it well again, you don’t get to pick and choose which signals to listen to because that will circumvent the renewed connection – violate the trust.

    Wanting the vodka, for example, was probably your body’s way of saying, “You’re working hard, you’re doing great, I know you have a habit of taking this sort of thing too far so enjoy a drink, have a mellow, it’s not going to hurt us any or set us back in any way”.

    I believe taking “should” and “shouldn’t” out of the equation is the best way to assert the role of trust between the mind and the body. Should and shouldn’t are judgement values, they are -in a sense – names we call ourselves. They have nothing to do with trust or faith in ourselves. And, stray too far in either direction and things get uptight – connections get blocked.

    I say the best thing to do is, when you feel yourself want something, no matter what it is, just stop, think about it. Think about whether or not your really, really want it – honestly – and then listen to the answer and follow through on it.

    In my experience, the more I do this, the better those instincts and answers get and – with very little effort – things get better and find a great rhythm all on their own.

    Perhaps that is just me, though, so there endeth my spiel (wink).

  12. max

    Naw. The mirror gave me a signal I trusted: “Exercise now or say good bye to bathing suits for life.” The bod was against it and objected by getting really really freaking sore.

    I was going to skip the vodka too I knew the mirror would make me pay. It was Michele and AJ who said, it is Thursday, damn you it is tradition.

    And the mirror did make me pay.

    Anyway, for me, it is not a mind body connection. It is a body mirror connection.

  13. I think about sweets that way too when I am on an exercise program, “how much longer am I going to have to stay on that treadmill if I eat this thing?”
    When not on a program, I forget the cost of say, a Krispy Kreme.

  14. please tell me that this is a new script for a horror movie.

  15. max

    LOL — Rachael it is a new script for a horror movie.

  16. aj

    I say eat the chocolate.

  17. Pingback: diet coke and the smile of cerces « celluloid blonde

  18. sulya

    I’ve used this attempt at trusting myself, really listening to my own wants and following through, to leave a party I didn’t want to be at, to avoid family gathterings I didn’t want to attend more often than I’ve used it to choose food or exercise regimes so, honest-to-your-deity of choice (and if that mirror can really see a glass of vodka then I’m definitely vying for the mirror), I was not offering dieting advice (smile). Just, you know, some thoughts I’ve had of late.

  19. max

    Ah. That body response I know. When you have been told your whole life buck up little soldier and do things you terribly do not want to do like walk into that room full of hostile relatives — and have learned to ignore emotional warning signals the body gives you so well you are doing a host of things that make you mildly sick to your stomach and never stop to think maybe stomachs should not hurt or be sick all the time or that that stomach reaction is everything in your body and heart yelling “do not do it!” Yeah, that one I know. That one you should trust.

  20. Oh, definitely a compliment, Max!

    Martial arts, really? Which one? Do you still practice?

  21. max

    Wing chun. I have not practiced in an age though. My old studio here is gone and I never found a good one in Seattle. I am also a pretty bad martial artist, too much dance training, when push comes to shove, my instinct is to forget ma training and just drop kick someone in the solar plexis. [wry smile]

  22. Everybody wing chun tonight…everybody, wing chun!

    Well at least you will look poetic and beautiful. Makes me think of that one video you posted.

  23. max

    You are talking about “A Squirrel That Looked Like Hitler” right?

  24. max

    JanieBelle, I found your circles.

    I was sitting here doing circle after circle after circle thinking, Dumb circles — when it clicked the exercises are circles.


  25. See? I was all over that.


  26. max

    It could not have been a nice piece of jewelry? It had to be exercises?

    That is so wrong.

  27. Sorry, I don’t make the news, I just report it.



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