things to do instead of writing
[Make sure it is the hand washables, they take longer.]
[Is it wrong to pile dirty dishes on top of a load of clean dishes because you are too lazy to unload the dishwasher?]
Bundle all recyclables. In Christmas paper. Make pretty bows.
[You thought that stuff in my profile was made up didn’t you?]
Reshape your eyebrows. [Do not do this too many times, or you will be drawing new eyebrows with a magic marker.]
Draw new eyebrows with a magic marker.
Sweep up dust bunnies. Give them names. Teach them to box.
Taunt your pets. Tell them they were adopted. And you got them used.
Change the message on your answering machine. Be really inventive.
Change message on answering machine back when “Jumbo Bob” proposes to your machine.
Make the potatoes in the pantry do little tricks. Wearing interesting outfits. [You remember those outfits you made for the potatoes last time you were supposed to be writing?]
Isolate one potatoe from the rest and taunt it. Give it a really bad name. Hewbie Griggs. “Poor Hewbie. The other potatoes won’t play with you.”