the monster

smoking_5.pngFive members of my family have battled tumors/cancer. Most of them lost. Okay, all of them lost. You know what they really battled though? Misery.

When I was a kid, I just thought cancer was the family beast. One day it showed, and it ate you. And if you have ever watched someone die of cancer, you know that is exactly what it does do. Eat you like a monster eats. Till you are nothing but a wasted stick underneath too clean too white too sterile hospital sheets. And then you are nothing at all.

So I thought, Screw that. I am going to live, I am not going to be miserable, and I am going to do whatever the hell I want, because those people, those people lived every day by rules that just killed them a piece at a time till the monster came.

And then they let it eat them.

I smoke. I drink. I curse. I laugh. I dance. The monster may come. But I live.

I am an unapologetic smoker. I do not pretend I am quitting, or say someday I plan to quit to assuage people who do not smoke and think I should not smoke too in a society that has made it politically correct to roast or accost or berate smokers you do not even know anywhere you want any time you feel like it.

I got a big lecture today though on another blog. That is Bryan. I do not know Bryan. I was coasting around the wordpress sphere reading other blogs one night when I read his piece The Determined Ones and responded. In general his posts are pretty funny. He is a good writer. About as foreign to me in life style as a Quaker. It is I suppose nice of him to care.

I better warn you here though, the first person who takes this post as permission to lecture me about smoking or berrate or accost me for smoking, well that comment is going straight into the ether.

I am an unapologetic deleter too.

33 Responses to the monster

  1. All of us who are smokers totally understand that it doesn’t help at all to get lectured about it. We already know it’s a problem, that’s pretty obvious. It’s insulting when people make us feel like that’s news. People who quit do so in their own time and at their own pace, when they are ready. No amount of being berated and cajoled will have any bearing on that.

  2. Sophia

    Shame on you, you are going to burn in hell. If only you knew how severely you damage your lungs! I can’t believe you’re doing this to yourself. Three words: Shame. On. You.

    [Now, go light a ciggie and blow the smoke on my face. NOW DAMMMIT NOW!] Shame on you!

  3. max

    Wow Sophia you are so jonesing for a smoke if you are resorting to these tactics to get a whiff o’ smoke. I can blow in an envelope and mail it for you.

  4. max

    Well, not “we,” Market. You. You may “know it is a problem.” Me? I do not think anyone who drives an automobile has any business lecturing me about air quality or what I put in my lungs.

  5. Hey Max, no offense meant. I personally consider it a problem, for me. I’ve had several members of my father’s family die of cancer, most of them really clean-living. My mom’s sister has emphysema from years of smoking and has to do the oxygen treatments every day.

  6. max

    None taken. Hey, I did not delete. [wink]

  7. Trade you a shot of Patron for a Camel Light.

  8. max

    Would you take a Capri 120?

  9. I confess, the ONLY reason I quit smoking was out of vanity. Otherwise, I miss the joyous exhilaration from blowing a big one in the air while holding a nice glass of something intoxicating and pontificating to some poor soul trapped in the kitchen corner.

    I really dislike smoke but only when there is no ventilation or it is that day after hangover. Otherwise, my tolerance is pretty high.

    You shouldn’t have to make apologies for who you are. I agree, our society has branded smokers as these complete monster, without further addressing other sources of toxins that we encounter on a regular basis.

  10. By the way, if it’s of any interest, my grandmother smoked since she was God Knows How Old and died a natural death. She was 90. Iron lungs. German stock I suppose.

  11. Oh yeah, nice pic. Is that a shot for the one who said a nipple would work? lol

  12. max

    I did not think about that but I bet Trench will like it he brings up, um, maybe I will leave this one alone.

  13. I have a feeling Trench is going to give you a long lecture, too!

    Ok, maybe a short lecture but a lecture nonetheless!

  14. max

    Docs do not worry about the cigs. Docs worry about the Diet Cokes.

  15. If you can’t or won’t enjoy your life, then why live it? What exactly is the point?

    Do it. Do it all. Experience everything you want, everything you need. Do everything in your power to live every single minute like it’s your last. Break every rule, and don’t apologize for doing it. Taste everything and everyone that sits still for more than one second, and if you like the taste, taste again.

    That’s pretty much how I see it, for whatever that’s worth.

  16. The only reason I quit was because i got pregnant, before that I hated people telling me to quit. I enjoyed it and didn’t want to stop.

    It was soooo annoying when I got pregnant and everyone said ‘ at least now you have to quit smoking’, like it was the only part of me being pregnant they liked! Aarrggghh! Sometimes I hate people.

    But, I won’t start again. Mostly because I don’t want my daughter to see me smoke or to have to smell that smell everyday, and as much as I hate to admit it, i do feel healthier.

    People that don’t smoke will never understand that some people just enjoy it, thats all, it’s not stress relief or any of the other bullshit we make up so the non smokers will feel better. We just enjoy it, so leave us alone.

  17. wow, I just went to have a look at Bryans place. i have never even heard of someone never having touched alcohol at all in their life. Well not someone over the age of 16 anyway! I a finding it very hard to get my head round.

    In the UK the drinking age is 18 but I haven’t met a Brit yet who didn’t start drinking around age 15 or 16. It’s just the way it is so for someone to say they have never even tried it – wow, i think I’m still at the disbelief stage of understanding here.

  18. A couple of years ago my younger sister found out she had Breast Cancer.

    She went through the surgery and the chemo and the crap that comes along with all of that and she never stopped smoking.

    You know, she can have one or two or three on me ( I don’t smoke ) and that’s friggin’ fine with me.

    I don’t know, when the Grim Reaper Kicks you in the ass and says, ” guess who’s here? ” you do get some satisfaction from kicking him back and saying ” screw you.”

    Anita Marie

  19. aj

    Hospital sheets are bleached I guess, but they must starch them or something too because man they are stiff.

    [notice, being a non smoker and aware of your possible disdain, i stayed totally away from the topic]

  20. max

    Are they? The times I have actually been a patient I was usually on a gurney or some deathly uncomfortable slab of metal [look mom no sheets] and the only times I have actually been forced to stay in a hospital bed I was either so young or so torn up or both they could make me so was not really noticing thread count.

    [you are so smart, i took the damn iron but skipped the omega three today]

  21. My favorite line in defense of smoking, “So I’ll miss the drooling years…”
    (that is a reply to “smoking shortens your life”)

  22. Damn I hate those quit smoking lectures. Like that would make someone quit – “Yea, you’re right, I have been an idiot and you just saved me.”

    On the other hand, [please do not delete], sometimes I do feel dumb for enjoying something that is so bad for me, that probably already gave me “the monster” that I have been lucky to escape, and I keep smoking.

  23. No lecturing from me Olive… I only have venom for dull witted people who smoke, they are the ones who will eventually act like it is MY fault that they cannot breath, and of course there are certain events in life that require a celebratory smoke.

  24. You’d probably enjoy the film Thank You For Smoking if you haven’t already seen it. I watched it with my nephew. Oh yeah, my nephew started smoking. He’s only 15. I’m not too happy with it, to be honest.

  25. Max. It’s your life, you can do what you want with it. It’s that simple.

  26. Sophia

    That alleged myth that smoking and the monster are closely associated is such bs. My mom smokes like a chimney. She’s been smoking like that ever since she figured out the importance of cotton inside her bra. She’s as healthy as a bull. Her sister’s husband, he has never smoked in his life (because doctors say it’s healthy), he had always been drinking one glass of wine a day and that would be all(because doctors say it’s healthy), he’s been eating all this healthy crap ever since I known him (because doctors say it’s healthy). The monster knocked on his door ten years ago and refuses to abandon ship.

    If it wasn’t life threatening to me, I would have never given up. Because I enjoyed smoking. Guilty as charged. Smokers are not stupid. They know exactly what they’re doing. They love their lungs just as much as non smokers do. It’s just a different kind of love.

  27. max

    The cigs did not create the life threatening situation Sophia. The meds did. That is one of the backwards weird things about medicine. They are not saying Oh my God stop taking the meds. They are saying Oh my God stop smoking. Which one is making you sick though?

  28. Sophia

    The meds. The freaking meds. Gosh, I miss being a smoker. Thank God I have you, my smoking [hot] friends, to live vicariously through.

  29. max

    I will light one up in your honor today pretty girl.

  30. I did a hypnosis tape to loose weight and I haven’t been able to smoke since then! Believe me I wasn’t happy about it. I was a sacred cig smoker. I’d save one for days and find myself with a magical moment when my son was asleep and I’d go out and smoke. I have a couple of friends that would have a smoke and drink with me every now and then. I miss that too. Mostly, I loved to smoked when I was pissed off or stressed out. Smoking is not healthy for me on a daily basis but I have seen old old old people smoking and say that they always have. OMG I always had a secret cigarette somewhere……LOL

  31. I quit smoking about four years ago. I agree with Tommy. I think people should have free will as long as they are not hurting anyone else. There were times I really enjoyed smoking. I met the monster when I was 28, so I always feel a bit precarious with my health. If I did smoke again, I would smoke the chemical free cigarettes–I think the chemicals are more harmful than the tobacco. In fact, smoking is probably no more dangerous than eating some of the crap food out there on a long term basis, or drinking tap water. I just hate being sick.

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