the incredible flying girl



Holy cats. I just did the stupidest thing in the universe. There I was, all casually slumped on the bed watching DVD’s on the little computer, and was getting up to grab a new pack of smokes and my foot snagged in the duvet cover and I did a half gainer off the bed onto the lovely concrete floor of my lovely urban loft.

That is two feet of bed plus at least an added foot for propulsion probably more which means three feet plus straight down onto concrete smack like a penguin.

Holy fuck that hurt.

And I wasn’t even drunk. I mean, who does that sober? Nobody should eat concrete sober.

And no one is going to believe I fell off the bed. If I was eight, okay, but not now. No way.

Okay. I have to make something up. Maybe I can say I got hit by a truck.


27 Responses to the incredible flying girl

  1. maybe you were stopping some evil boys from mugging a nice old lady or something. Hell, if you’re gonna make something up at least make yourself look like a superhero.

  2. max

    You are so smart I did not even think about super hero aspects. It is not really going to look like a fight, I saved the face and took it on the left.

    Maybe I will use my old standy for truly stupid injuries: Shark bite.

    Few people dare to push beyond “shark bite.”

  3. Especially if you turn away and mutter ‘I don’t wanna talk about it’.

    love the penguins! No way did that big penguin just do that! Reckon it was deliberate?

  4. max

    Don’t you just want to do that to at least one person a day?

  5. Heck, this is easy – you were having wild sex with Mirco.

  6. max

    Not wild enough. Truly wild sex leaves bruises on both wrists.

    I, um, read that on a bathroom wall.

  7. Sophia

    Wasn’t it the whiteboard you read that on? (sorry Michele, couldn’t stop myself).

  8. HA! I’ve fallen off of the bed more times than I can count (even without using my fingers and toes). Sure, most of the time, a woman was involved, but I’ve fallen onto the floor none the less. I think that everyone has done it, whatever the circumstances, but very few will actually admit it.

    As far as the excuses go, it really depends on the injuries. If you like the shark bite excuse, watch the movie “Jaws” and listen to the part where Quint is talking about his “shark story”. That should give you plenty of fodder to play with when explaining your story.

  9. uh um, we have heard all those stories… “busted my ass while headed for a quick smoke” arises minimal suspicion.

  10. Sophia

    What about the “I was kidnapped by three (one is like nothing, four are just too many, noone will buy it) very tall, very green, very aggressive aliens who performed laboratory tests on my knock-out body” one? If you use it and it works, maybe I can use it too next time I bump my head on that malevolent kitchen cupboard.

  11. aj

    Why is it I don’t even flinch when a story like this comes from you.

    I laughed though. [but you always knew I would]

  12. max

    Oh wow I may not need an excuse. I was expecting way worse discoloration but so far it is not too bad. Cool.

    It may be time to think about getting a rug for next to the bed though. Yow. Concrete is hard.

  13. That’s what smoking does to you….

  14. max

    Well yeah. Everyone knows smoking makes you fall off the bed. The Surgeon General said so.

  15. aj

    *waiting to see that animation on a packet of smokes*

    [hmm, do you guys get smoking related diseases printed on your smoke packets, or is it just this twisted nation that does it?]

  16. I fell off the top bunk while sleeping once. Every night after that, I kept dreaming that I was falling, falling, falling.

    It never happened again. Not while while I slept on top bunks in the Marines, sleeping trains, youth hostels.

    Okay, I wasn’t in the Marines…

    Get some ice for that bruise and don’t use an ice pik.

  17. max

    Yes we have great big surgeon general warnings. One of them says running out of cigs during dvd viewing can make you fall off the bed.

  18. Just admit you were doing something tantric.

  19. max

    No way. My story is land shark and I am sticking to it.

  20. I’m sorry about the faceplant, Max, but the little penguin .gif is one of my favorite funniest things ever. Just felt like sharing. Really, I could watch it for a very long time and still laugh.

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  22. max

    Watching the penguin is fun for the whole family.

  23. ok, the incredibly sensitive criminyjicket just laughed his ass off…i assume this is old enough i can do that

  24. max

    Yes it was a while back. It was funny after the fact though too.

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  26. Chefleur

    Rugs are just another thing to trip over. I think the wisest purchase would be more packets of cigarettes so you can have stashes near you without the need for potentially harmful leaping or walking. Legs and feet are over-rated. Or train a monkey.

  27. max

    That is so smart. You are my new advisor.

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