the celluloid blonde awards

mary pickfordWhen I swept the blog off blogspot and headed to parts wordpress [blame AJ it was not my idea] holidailies was in play. I do not do holidailies. I am totally opposed to promising anyone or anything not paying me a word count. It is a writer thing. So I just do not do that. But. On a personal collateral level, I thought, hmm, a month posting every day. That is interesting. I should try

I moved the blog here on December 14th. It was an experiment, really. One month. A post a day. Do it. [Um, Nike, I was saying that when I was three, do not sue there are witnesses.] And I will pull it off, too, if I can track down all these links before midnight. Which I probably will do. So —

I did it. As of this posting. I do most goals. I just have to make a commitment. I do not do that real often. That to me is the hard part. The whole commitment part. [If you have not read Another Day Another Inadequacy you won’t get that reference.]

Today marks Day Thirty. Yay! And since every thirty day commitment accomplished should be totally and undeniably marked with a special event and since I do not do tattoes —

After thirty days of daily posting. After thirty days of daily reading. It is only fair to totally bestow accolades on wordpress and/or blog fellows. So, and without further ado [which is just a fancy way to add more ado pretending you are not doing it], welcome to —

award_statue_6_left.pngThe Celluloid Blonde Awards. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Best Title for a Music Post: Kitty for Teenagers [Scare the Living Shit Out of Me] only Kitty it was a real hard toss up between that and Best Dog House Post.

Best Christmas Gone Horribly Wrong Post: Toni’s When In Doubt, Throw Hard Candy.

Best Fortune Cookie Post: That is David’s — or that is what I think his name is I do not know this guy I just think he is funny — Horrible Fortune Cookie.

Best Motherhood Post: That is Big Knicker Day by Motherhood Uncensored.

Best Bi-Sexual & That Works For Her Post: Lulu Malone’s Girls on Pedestals. [And no the judges were not influenced by Lulu flattering the judges — okay that is a total lie but run with it the judges did.]

Best Bad Date Post: Tommy T obviously spent too much time in the Navy A Wink and a Slap totally wins.


Best Monkey Post: Monkeys by A Brighter Discontent read this it is a total crack up.

Best Photo of a Kowala Post: Albert by AJ of White Eleven fame.

Best I am a Total Geek Post: This one totally goes to David too and yes the rumors are true someone actually did build a scaled replica model of the Battle of Helm’s Deep out of gummy bears. [Hey, even I could not make that up I am just not that creative.]

Best Americans Are Stupid Post: My Futile Attempt To Make You Punch Your Monitor and Hate Your Country by that East Village Idiot guy. [Are Australians worried yet you can stick a little pin that says “Iraq” in the continent of Australia on a map and Americans on the street will say, Yes, send troops there?]

Best Sexy Girl Post: Sorry the judges are in an unsane deadlock and refuse to bestow this one in a fair or impartial manner.

Best My Family is Aberrant Post: That is Stilletto’s story about her brother The Birds and the Bees Gone South.


Best Swim Suits Gone Horribly Wrong Post: Okay somehow this link has gone irretrievably missing. Oh no! It is a great story about this girl trying to do laps in a new bathing suit that keeps popping off and flashing her breasts at old guys at the pool. I do not suppose anyone does know where this post is?

Best Escaped Mental Patient Post: That is Trench Doc’s The Saga of Peetie.

Best Red Velvet Cake Post: Also Trench Doc’s, Red Velvet Cake.

Best Try This Drink It Is Delish Post: That is the Red Headed Girl’s faboo Brazilian drink.

Best I am Crushy for a Metrosexual Post: Michele for her undying Clay love documented in The Love Fest.

Best You People Are Truly Geeks Post: How Geeky Are We by JanieBelle. [Yes, the re-enactment of the Battle of Helm’s Deep made completely out of gummy bears got more clicks than a naked girl on her birthday. Scary, yes?]

Best Why I Want to Adopt a Chinese Baby Post: Snow by Zee on Screenwriters.LA.

Best Stories About L.A. Post: L.A. Thoughts by Will at The Gist. [Gist guy is so totally lucky he is even included too he made off with my penguin and did not even credit the source bad Gist guy bad.]

Best Fiction Post: Eye of the Beholder by Anita Marie Moscoso at Owl Creek Bridge.

Best Cartoon Post: Time to Revisit My Favorite Cartoon Ever by the hot doc’s wife at Green Apple Martini’s.

Best William Shatner Post: Okay that one totally goes to me for Why I Like William Shatner.

Best Super Hero Post: Cool, Why I Want to Be a Superhero by, again, me. Wait, this is starting to look stacked.

Best Anti Resolution Post: Shifting Sands by Ms. Pants totally wins.

Best Toilet Paper Post: We’re Cottonelle People by the Cottonelle Guy.

Best Personal Threat in A Blog Convo Post: That for sure goes to Chad over at Motherhood Uncensored’s place, who threatened to destroy my career in Are American Women Evil? [Scroll down, the fun threats are at the end.]



Congratulations to the winners. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Sorry, no gold statues. Gold statues just were not in the budget. Maybe next year.

[Categories are chosen by the judges — who are me. Winners are chosen by the judges — who are me. Disputes and mediations are arbitrated and determined by the judges — who are me. This so rocks. During the Celluloid Blonde Awards, I am a God. Yay!]

38 Responses to the celluloid blonde awards

  1. Yay, yay, yay! Celluloid Blonde Awards!
    You rock Max.

  2. Hugs and kisses, dear heart–I am honored. That fun sparkly stuff that just >Poofed

  3. Oops–error:

    That fun sparkly stuff that just >Poofed

  4. Celluloid Blonde Awards – cool! Thank you!

    Congrats on the 30 daily posts Max. I’ve enjoyed reading them.

  5. Pingback: The Celluloid Blonde Awards « UDreamOfJanie

  6. I am both humbly honored for having won a Celluloid Blondie, and utterly depressed over which of my posts won it.

    Even the awards I win are for being geeky! :)

    Thank you, Max.


  7. Thank you, Max! Does the word judges indicate multiple personalities? heehee you might want to have trenchdoc look at that!

    I look forward to clicking on all these links. Oh, and [bowing] thank you for the award.

  8. Thank you Max for this great award!

    I mean- if I’m reading the fine print right…I won it from GOD ( okay, an acting God…but that’s cool) who is a WOMAN- so you bet I’m honored

    This is a great way to start off a Monday.

    See ya!
    Anita Marie-
    From Owl Creek Bridge

  9. Gosh, I am apparently stuttering. One more try:

    that fun sparkly stuff that just poofed over your head was my pleasure confetti.

  10. You sure know how to pick great fiction. Anita Marie’s stories are just fabulous and can be found in Lemuria. Seek and you will find.

  11. ohh this is so unexpected


    I just don’t know what to say


    I would like to thank my… bla bla bla, yeah, you’re already bored aren’t you?

    bow, bow, air kiss, air kiss.

  12. But seriously, that was lovelythank ma dear. I look forward to coming back when I have time (family visiting this week) and reading all the links.

  13. max

    Overlook no opportunity to be sparkley, that is my motto.

  14. It’s an honour to simply be nominated. But since I’ve now won, I will run around in my designer dress singing “Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah” until I trip on the hem and go hurling towards the floor at break-neck speed.

    (It will probably make a big noise and it’s highly possible that my knickers will be exposed. Much laughter will ensue and I will be relieved and totally happy if I don’t chip a tooth.)

  15. max

    Cool dress Ms. Pants.

  16. Max, you so totally rock! My internet has been incredibly fuzzy since Cingular convinced me that if I just downloaded their connection thingie for my cell phone, it would be real easy… yeah, real easy to not have internet service because it went in and yanked out something important in the ip address area that cannot just be added back in. grr. Anyway, I’m sort of back on using the desktop and Yay! what a great surprise to see this. ;) Love it. Thanks, you made my day.

  17. Yes, Max does rock. And she’s dead on – never miss the opportunity to be sparkly!

  18. Oooo.. thanks for the Celluloid Blonde Award. (fumbling for acceptance speech) .. “I am very honored and all agush with gushiness”. This is going to go to my head you know! :)

  19. max

    You are welcome. That monkey post slays me.

  20. aj

    Wow. This is surreal. I can remember wanting to win a Celluloid Blonde award ever since I was a little girl. Every year I sat on the couch with mom and dad and watched as people were honoured by the Celluloid Blonde “judges”, and I thought to myself, one day, that’s going to be me. So, finally being up here, well, it’s fucking amazing. Will they beep that out? They’ll probably beep that out. Oh well. I would like to thank the “judges” for this great award, Albert the Koala for his great performance during the shoot, as well as his tolerance for having Koala spelt Kowala during promo junkets, and last but not least, my ever co-operative sidekick Dash, who is at home watching this on tv. Thanks again.

  21. max

    Best Photo of a Kowala was not enough, you are going for best speech too right? You are such an overachiever.

  22. Z

    I’d like to thank the Academy….

  23. Wow! This is a total and complete surprise. You like me! You really like me.

    First and foremost, I’d like to thank Sara for being drunk and disorderly in public. Despite having an outstanding warrant out for her arrest, she still had the courage to get totally wasted in public, let her left boob hang out and slap a cop. Sara, without out you, this blog would have never happened and for that, I humbly thank you.

    Second, I’d like to thank Max. Max, you have been an inexhaustible source of inspiration and support during the entire two weeks (or so) that we’ve known each other. Without you, I would have never been able to win this award and for that, I share this honor with you (but, I’m going to keep it at my place).

    Finally, I like to thank my readers for allowing me the opportunity to say completely inappropriate things in a public forum. Thank you for overlooking my obsession with boobies and my general lack of basic writing skills. Thank you for letting the typos and syntax errors slide while I subtly hit on each and every one of my female readers. You are the ones who make it worth the effort and give me the hope necessary to continue making an ass out of myself. I would totally make sloppy drunken passes at each one of you (except for the dudes).

    Thank you! Goodnight!

  24. max

    Way to turn an acceptance speach into a group pass, Tommy.

  25. I do what I can Max. HA!

  26. Oh man, I just got through reading all the comments on the “Best Personal Threat in a Blog Convo Post” and I swear I hit the floor when you commented that Chad had a crush on you. She’s shut down commenting on that post so I couldn’t leave one there.

  27. max

    LOL — Who knew innocent little Date Girl would be called upon to defend the honor of American womanhood? Jeez, there was nothing in that super hero contract about that.

  28. I also couldn’t catch my breath after reading your comment that the Porkster didn’t really have a girl but “she” would surely be leaving comments soon, to just look for some looooong winded posts.

    That is some funny stuff. I’m still laughing about it.

  29. max

    Oh well they are frisky. Being told I’ll never work in this town again by someone not even industry is so a personal best for me though, that totally earned an award.

    [i cannot believe you read the whole thing you crack me up]

  30. HDW

    That’s awesome!! Thanks!! :)

  31. max

    In case anyone does not know the code, HDW is hot doc’s wife. She has special codes.

  32. Beth

    Thanks Max! I accept this award on behalf of all educated people with a full set of teeth, trapped in a small town hellhole with only a DVD player and the local liquor store for company – this award is for you, my brothers and sisters.

  33. Pingback: return of the celluloid blonde awards yay! « celluloid blonde

  34. Pingback: Celluloid Blonde Award « California Blogging

  35. Hey, that was your penguin falling down that I stole? I’m pretty sure I got it second-hand from somebody else who stole it from you, but credit where it’s due — that’s one rad penguin.

    Thanks for even reading the LA piece, much less liking it or awarding it.

  36. max

    Well I did not create the penguin someone sent it to me an age ago the timing was just real close me putting it up and you putting it up right after.

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