the celluloid blonde awards
When I swept the blog off blogspot and headed to parts wordpress [blame AJ it was not my idea] holidailies was in play. I do not do holidailies. I am totally opposed to promising anyone or anything not paying me a word count. It is a writer thing. So I just do not do that. But. On a personal collateral level, I thought, hmm, a month posting every day. That is interesting. I should try
I moved the blog here on December 14th. It was an experiment, really. One month. A post a day. Do it. [Um, Nike, I was saying that when I was three, do not sue there are witnesses.] And I will pull it off, too, if I can track down all these links before midnight. Which I probably will do. So —
I did it. As of this posting. I do most goals. I just have to make a commitment. I do not do that real often. That to me is the hard part. The whole commitment part. [If you have not read Another Day Another Inadequacy you won’t get that reference.]
Today marks Day Thirty. Yay! And since every thirty day commitment accomplished should be totally and undeniably marked with a special event and since I do not do tattoes —
After thirty days of daily posting. After thirty days of daily reading. It is only fair to totally bestow accolades on wordpress and/or blog fellows. So, and without further ado [which is just a fancy way to add more ado pretending you are not doing it], welcome to —
Best Title for a Music Post: Kitty for Teenagers [Scare the Living Shit Out of Me] only Kitty it was a real hard toss up between that and Best Dog House Post.
Best Christmas Gone Horribly Wrong Post: Toni’s When In Doubt, Throw Hard Candy.
Best Motherhood Post: That is Big Knicker Day by Motherhood Uncensored.
Best Bi-Sexual & That Works For Her Post: Lulu Malone’s Girls on Pedestals. [And no the judges were not influenced by Lulu flattering the judges — okay that is a total lie but run with it the judges did.]
Best Bad Date Post: Tommy T obviously spent too much time in the Navy A Wink and a Slap totally wins.
Best Monkey Post: Monkeys by A Brighter Discontent read this it is a total crack up.
Best Photo of a Kowala Post: Albert by AJ of White Eleven fame.
Best I am a Total Geek Post: This one totally goes to David too and yes the rumors are true someone actually did build a scaled replica model of the Battle of Helm’s Deep out of gummy bears. [Hey, even I could not make that up I am just not that creative.]
Best Americans Are Stupid Post: My Futile Attempt To Make You Punch Your Monitor and Hate Your Country by that East Village Idiot guy. [Are Australians worried yet you can stick a little pin that says “Iraq” in the continent of Australia on a map and Americans on the street will say, Yes, send troops there?]
Best Sexy Girl Post: Sorry the judges are in an unsane deadlock and refuse to bestow this one in a fair or impartial manner.
Best My Family is Aberrant Post: That is Stilletto’s story about her brother The Birds and the Bees Gone South.
Best Swim Suits Gone Horribly Wrong Post: Okay somehow this link has gone irretrievably missing. Oh no! It is a great story about this girl trying to do laps in a new bathing suit that keeps popping off and flashing her breasts at old guys at the pool. I do not suppose anyone does know where this post is?
Best Escaped Mental Patient Post: That is Trench Doc’s The Saga of Peetie.
Best Red Velvet Cake Post: Also Trench Doc’s, Red Velvet Cake.
Best Try This Drink It Is Delish Post: That is the Red Headed Girl’s faboo Brazilian drink.
Best I am Crushy for a Metrosexual Post: Michele for her undying Clay love documented in The Love Fest.
Best You People Are Truly Geeks Post: How Geeky Are We by JanieBelle. [Yes, the re-enactment of the Battle of Helm’s Deep made completely out of gummy bears got more clicks than a naked girl on her birthday. Scary, yes?]
Best Why I Want to Adopt a Chinese Baby Post: Snow by Zee on Screenwriters.LA.
Best Stories About L.A. Post: L.A. Thoughts by Will at The Gist. [Gist guy is so totally lucky he is even included too he made off with my penguin and did not even credit the source bad Gist guy bad.]
Best Fiction Post: Eye of the Beholder by Anita Marie Moscoso at Owl Creek Bridge.
Best William Shatner Post: Okay that one totally goes to me for Why I Like William Shatner.
Best Anti Resolution Post: Shifting Sands by Ms. Pants totally wins.
Best Toilet Paper Post: We’re Cottonelle People by the Cottonelle Guy.
Best Personal Threat in A Blog Convo Post: That for sure goes to Chad over at Motherhood Uncensored’s place, who threatened to destroy my career in Are American Women Evil? [Scroll down, the fun threats are at the end.]
Congratulations to the winners. Yay! Yay! Yay!
Sorry, no gold statues. Gold statues just were not in the budget. Maybe next year.
[Categories are chosen by the judges — who are me. Winners are chosen by the judges — who are me. Disputes and mediations are arbitrated and determined by the judges — who are me. This so rocks. During the Celluloid Blonde Awards, I am a God. Yay!]