the 2014 valentine's day survey
[This survey swiped liberally and without apology because I am just like that from Rachel.]
1. Do you like anyone? Oh yes, madly. Say what’s the polite time limit on tossing possessions an ex left at your place?
2. Do they know it? Oh hell no, no one needs that kind of power.
IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
1. Had someone buy you something? Rumor has it birthday prezzies are in the mail. Yay!
2. Bought something? Food and rent, Baby, food and rent.
3. Gotten sick? I do not refer to it as “sick,” I refer to it as “dancing like the lights aren’t on.”
4. Been hugged? Oh you madman. It is germ season.
5. Felt stupid? Before or after espresso doubleshots?
6. Talked to an ex? Why “talk” when you can exchange passive aggressive texts?
7. Missed someone? That Fed Ex guy is so wiley.
8. Danced crazy? What about “dancing like the lights aren’t on” was not clear?
9. Gotten your hair cut? No but my color is fabulous.
10. Lied? I am sure so but it comes so naturally — oh wait, you mean to other people?
HAVE YOU EVER. . .
1. Said “I Love you” and meant it? Of course. I was not hatched from an egg.
2. Given money to a homeless person? I have given money to people on the street — I did not ask about their accommodations.
3. Waited all night for a phone call that never came? Does getting black out drunk count as “waiting”?
4. Sat and looked at the stars? Sure but those little bastards look back that is suspicious behavior if you ask me.
5. Do you swear? Exactly what the fuck do you mean by that?
6. You’re happy with your hair? In my universe, the correct question is, Is my hair happy with me?
7. Do you like to swim? This survey was written by a Golden Retriever right?
8. Call a friend when you’re bored? I blog to avoid boredom.
9. Flowers or angels? “I’ll have what the quiz writer is having.”
10. Gray or black? Gray. [That is my sassy attempt to convince the universe I am striving for harmonious balance. Did it work?]
11. Color or black and white photos? “Black and white” is gray, Cupcake.
12. Lust or love? Let’s go with lust. Big lust. Huge lust. Really amazing shocking rock hard abs slam you up against the wall sweat till you break… um, maybe we should skip this one.
13. Sunrise or sunset? Midnight, Baby, Midnight.
BONUS VALENTINE’S QUESTIONS:
1. You have a valentines planned out to have? No but I am counting on champagne and batteries coming through.
2. Do you like having a valentine? I am sorry that journal is in storage.
3. Does someone like you currently? Oh I have an ever-changing cast of stalkers….
4. Are you even worried about the upcoming holiday? Worry is for deadlines. Holidays, I celebrate.
5. What’s the best gift to receive on the day? I’m going with wall sex. Wait. It’s not my fault. You asked about love or lust! It’s subliminal suggestion. Entrapment! I was framed!
[Say, is there a special prize for the bonus questions? I missed that part. Also, my answers and Rachel’s answers are so damn similar at times I am still checking for scars where an attached twin may have been surgically removed at birth.]