taking on susan

Drunken blogging night was a total success and now it is 2007 and my poor students are all going to get hangover reviews. [Oops. Sorry about that Students.] That is okay though, even hungover, my reviews are pretty solid, they will not get too robbed. [Alex, if you are reading, I am not really hungover I am just being entertaining here. Say, I did not sign a morality clause or anything like that did I? Just checking….]

Those will have to be done sometime today and I am gathering strength but meanwhile, the big thing on the table today is, who is going to cave first and go see the Susan horoscopes?

[You know Susan. She is that link down there under “People Who Suck.”]

Every month I am lured against my will to go read my Susan horoscope. Every month, Susan mocks me. Lately she has been mocking Leos worse though. This is funny to me, mainly because I am not a Leo [AJ is] and also because in 2000 when I was being mocked by Susan [hello, the Susan wars have been going on a long time] I suggested she go pick on the Leos for a while and wow did she. [And she hasn’t stopped.] In December she told AJ if AJ even thought about sex AJ would fall preggers so AJ had to duct tape her ankles together for the whole month.

Wow. Sucks to be you, AJ.

January is a whole new month though and maybe the duct tape can come off. Unless —

One of us caves and goes and reads the Susan horoscopes. Then the month will dive and we will be shivering in our boots — again — because Susan mocked and terrorized us — again.

AJ and I both know sooner or later one of us will cave and will go hit the Susan pages, so AJ and I go together. [How can this be? AJ is in Australia and I am in the Stripes. Um. Doy. ICQ.] This way we have back up and can face the horror with a friend. We haven’t gone today — yet. We haven’t picked a time — yet. But, some time today, we will go. The power of Susan is too strong. It will lure us and we will go. We cannot resist.

Love and Kisses,

Your It Is Only A Matter Of Time Adams Girl

PS: Oh in case anyone is wondering [you were wondering right Trench?] I am an Aquarius with a Capricorn moon and rising. This means I have a multiple personality horoscope because Aquarius and Cap are very different and I have to read TWO SUSAN HOROSCOPES [oh the humanity] and that gets me in all kinds of trouble because Aquarius’s horoscope will say, “Watch those purse strings, Aquarius, you are going to bleed money this month.” But Cap’s will say, “Go crazy Cap, there is cash on the horizon, run don’t walk to the nearest mall.” Natch, Cap’s forecast is more fun so I run [don’t walk] to the nearest mall and then whammo the Aquarius bleed money event kicks in. Oops.

39 Responses to taking on susan

  1. Sophia

    There, Adams! For the first time, I was tempted to go read Susan. I did. Well, this month a foreigner will help me publish. Hmmm… publish what? What foreigner? And, if I want to buy a new computer, now is the time. I do. She didn’t mention where I can get the money, though. I would believe her, if she had. Oh, both you and Aj, go and read her. She’s funny, afterall.

  2. I have been to Susan today too.

  3. max

    I am waiting for AJ. No way am I going in there without back up.

  4. aj

    It is safer in pairs. 8pm your time suit?

  5. aj

    Sophia when you spend 31 days with your ankles duct taped together, you may rethink calling her “funny”. I have been walking around the last two days trying to get circulation back.

  6. max

    AJ, are you crazy? Susan is on Stripes time, not Australia time, you untaped too early.

  7. Being a Cap, of course I was wondering…

  8. You two (Max and Trenchdoc) have a potential romantic cross there (two, actually), but I guess that is apparent!

  9. max

    Oh you have a birthday coming up then. Happy Birthday, Trench. What should I send you as a present?

    [Note: Um, if you say naked photos I will drink the martini, eat the olive, and toss a water chaser at you.]

  10. max

    Lulu, what is a romantic cross?

  11. you know better than that… checking arbitrary email will suffice.

  12. max

    We are going in. AJ forgot the bullets. Ahhh!

  13. max

    Oh. But she remembered the morphine. She is so smart.

  14. max

    We have braced. We are ready. We are doing the clicking of no return. Ahhhh!

  15. max

    I am in. Fuck, I forgot the mosquito repellent. Did I spell that right?

  16. aj

    Susan is very “leo you will have romantic times and social events this month”. There is not much meat to this forecast.

  17. max

    Oh Susan is telling me, “You may find that you are interacting with medical personnel a bit more than usual in January….”

    I so hope this means flirting with Trench and not being hooked up to ekg machines.

  18. aj

    Speaking of medical things, it is a great month for an eye check up apparantly, so if you’re feeling frisky for your optometrist and are a leo, lash out.

  19. max

    Oh you are in so much trouble. I am still working through Aquarius and Capricorn when I hit Leo you will be totally grounded.

  20. Sophia

    No duct tape any longer? That explains the smile on German’s face. Oh, wait… have you read Susan yet?

  21. aj

    German always has a smile on his face Sophia. Can you blame him?

  22. Ahh–not being much for predictive astrology (sorry, Susan), I prefer to work with birth charts and planetary placement. Beside the Sun and Moon signs, all of the other planetary placements at the moment of our birth further define who we are. When two people have certain planetary crosses, or signs that are the same or complementary in certain significant placements, it can be a good indicator for a successful relationship.
    I don’t care how good the chemistry may seem in the beginning, if you don’t have good crosses with a partner, your chances of making it are almost nil. It is also a good way to understand your differences, and find ways to work together.
    If you, for example, were to give me your birth date and time, and I had the same info from say, Trenchdoc, I could give you a good idea what your strong pulls were, and potential conflicts. I could tell you with reasonable accuracy what each of you like sexually, and if you would be compatible–to a point. Other things, of course, factor in as well.

  23. Great pun, AJ! (Eye Dr, Lash)

  24. Ohhh, yay, thank you for playing, Trenchdoc. I will excuse myself while I peer inside you [she smiles diabolically as she slithers into the shadows…

  25. Oh, and Trench–you were born on the East Coast? (Location matters as well.)

  26. yes… Prosperity, South Carolina

  27. max

    Okay. That is enough. Trench Doc is mine.

  28. I think he really is, Max dear. He is Sun in Capricorn, with Aquarius rising, opposite of you, so there is a HUGE attraction factor there. His Mercury is in Aquarius, too, and your Moon is in his Sun–and we haven’t even gotten to the sexy stuff yet!!

    Too bad you’re not bi, though, or I might have to challenge him to a duel. [grin]

  29. max

    Damn, Lulu. Bi would so work for me. But no. I have to be freaking straight. And you know Trench is just playing around. So I am just stuck in the freaking desert.

  30. Well, it is the first day of the New Year (at least on your side of the country), so for you, I will work on manifesting a real hotty–a sweet, toe curling, spine tingling, dreamy-eyed hotty. Maybe I can at least have you vicariously.

  31. my Mercury in her Aquarius is simply enough for me…

  32. Hello, are we alive yet today?

  33. Wait until you get your whole chart done! Then you’ll have to read half of ’em which will drive you bonkers.

  34. max

    Yegads. I am barely keeping up with two.

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