so many secrets

There were so many secrets in my family growing up.

Every time we went to see my grandparents I got sat down and told what I was not allowed to talk about. The “secrets.”

Some things were simple: “Don’t tell the grandparents you just got this gift. They are giving you the same gift. Pretend to be happy and surprised.”

Some were not as simple: “Don’t talk about your sister who was given up for adoption. Don’t say her name. Don’t say she ever existed. Don’t say you remember her. Don’t say you want to know where she is.”

Lots of secrets.

I think sometimes that is how writers are made. A child is told so many times not to talk, burdened with so many secrets to keep, one day all those secrets just arrive in fictional stories that cannot be gagged.

Also.

I’m not five any more.