seduction assistance for the emotional


torsoApparently —

I am a limitless source of masculine despair. [That so cannot be good for my karma.] Fortunately also though I am a giver — and also self involved enough to want my karmic point spread higher than minus two-thousand-four-hundred-and-sixty-two — so I am providing assistance for the emotionally impaired distraught deranged disturbed overwrought delicate here to balance out the karmic scales o’ justice and insure after death I do not return to this existence as a hedgehog or something.

[PS : If this is not funny it is not my fault the new neighbor is outside the building on the sidewalk screaming the address and door code into his cell phone repeatedly loud enough I can hear him clearly on the second floor which has me mildly distracted.]



Seduction Assistance for the Emotional

[stolen without apology from sundance]

[sorry sundance it was an emergency]

[hint : click “seduction assistance guides”]

[they are fun]

Are you a little melodramatic? Maybe even, um, unhinged? Use these items to assist in countering your histrionic overblown responses to common romantic problems :

Tranquilizers : [We are not talking pills here either you need the real juice which only comes in a syringe.] In an emergency, stick in neck and depress plunger.

Smelling Salts : They use these in movies after people get all hysterical. What the hell. You are all hysterical.

3-Ply Tissue : In case you cry. Are you gonna cry? You are totally gonna cry. Sheez.

Soother : [Also known as a “pacifier.”] Hey it works for babies. [You cried you are totally a baby.] And Freud was totally into them.

Punching Bag : Pugilistic therapy has long been a mainstay of has-been starlets and drunken frat boys. Hit a bag instead of people. Definitely hit a bag instead of me. [Hint : People who hit people do not go to the prom you should try this.] [Hint Two : People who hit me go to the E.R. definitely try this.]



Okay. Karma restored. Whew!

[PS : Yes I know mocking is not karmically sound. Irony you see.]


where the art work comes from :
that is torso by theresa manzanares
who will probably sue me
i like her work
and use it
too much

where i stole this material :
that is from seduction assistance guides from sundance

ps :
while you are there definitely take the quiz it is fun


25 Responses to seduction assistance for the emotional

  1. Return as a Hedgehog?

    I think one is enough. He’s called Ron Jeremy.

  2. Max I took this quiz already! I thought it looked familiar…and I’m still the Tantric Master but so were you I think!


  3. I just read through some of those cards. Thanks for the nice chuckle, you twisted bastard! lol

    So which ones have you sent, Woeful?

  4. max

    That card is really funny. I especially like the touch that he has his hand on her abdomen the way a guy with an expecting partner would touch his girl’s abdomen. “Do not be afraid. Say, would you give birth to my bastard love child?”

  5. LOL… Glad it made you laugh. There are lots of good ones over there, this is a excellent one:

    I love the expression on the guys face… And the stack of books. This could be the official placard of the perverts @ the Library!

  6. I wish I had that card propped up when I worked in an office…oh wait, I have my home set up here. But I don’t want my nephew to give me funny looks when he visits.

    BTW, in school they now call masturbation “self love.”

  7. To quote Woody Allen:
    “Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”

  8. max

    Oh jeez. Woody Allen AND masturbation? In one post? You are trying to kill me right?

  9. Too much of a good thing?

  10. max

    You are a very wicked librarian.

  11. But what if you hate yourself? Then would it “sex with someone you hate?”

  12. You could be both dominant and submissive, kind of a sexual Sybil :O

  13. Oh, cool. Way cool.

    You and Max – a bottomless pit of wit !

  14. max

    Um. I appreciate the sentiment but the metaphor bottomless pit is kind of not working for me.

  15. Sorry. I got cranky after the German [on that blog, remember?] told me to speak English because he said it’s probably better.

  16. max

    LOL! I am sorry that is really funny.

  17. German guy says:

    “@Stiletto: I know, it was just a joke because you said “Ich bin ein Berliner”. This wasn´t very originally and it is pretty old, so i called you a spammer ;)

    Hm… It sucks hard, someone more who don´t understand my kind of humour :/”

  18. And then:

    “Do you mean, Marilyn Manson rocks?^^

    You can speak english, i think it makes more sense than your german :D”

  19. max

    Oh he is bossy and mean do not play with him.

  20. Maybe I need to remind him about WWII.

  21. I sent him a video of Full Metal Jacket in German:

  22. max

    You are so funny. Is this guy good looking? There must be a reason for all this attention he is getting.

  23. Well I need someone to get fixated on (you did take you know who, sniff). I figure if he’s in another country he can’t come stalk me!

  24. Pingback: more help for the seduction impaired « celluloid blonde

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