seduction assistance for the emotional
I am a limitless source of masculine despair. [That so cannot be good for my karma.] Fortunately also though I am a giver — and also self involved enough to want my karmic point spread higher than minus two-thousand-four-hundred-and-sixty-two — so I am providing assistance for the emotionally
impaired distraught deranged disturbed overwroughtdelicate here to balance out the karmic scales o’ justice and insure after death I do not return to this existence as a hedgehog or something.
[PS : If this is not funny it is not my fault the new neighbor is outside the building on the sidewalk screaming the address and door code into his cell phone repeatedly loud enough I can hear him clearly on the second floor which has me mildly distracted.]
Seduction Assistance for the Emotional
[stolen without apology from sundance]
[sorry sundance it was an emergency]
[hint : click “seduction assistance guides”]
[they are fun]
Are you a little melodramatic? Maybe even, um, unhinged? Use these items to assist in countering your histrionic overblown responses to common romantic problems :
Tranquilizers : [We are not talking pills here either you need the real juice which only comes in a syringe.] In an emergency, stick in neck and depress plunger.
Smelling Salts : They use these in movies after people get all hysterical. What the hell. You are all hysterical.
3-Ply Tissue : In case you cry. Are you gonna cry? You are totally gonna cry. Sheez.
Soother : [Also known as a “pacifier.”] Hey it works for babies. [You cried you are totally a baby.] And Freud was totally into them.
Punching Bag : Pugilistic therapy has long been a mainstay of has-been starlets and drunken frat boys. Hit a bag instead of people. Definitely hit a bag instead of me. [Hint : People who hit people do not go to the prom you should try this.] [Hint Two : People who hit me go to the E.R. definitely try this.]
Okay. Karma restored. Whew!
[PS : Yes I know mocking is not karmically sound. Irony you see.]