revenge of the spider


Day One.

A spider shows in the kitchen. It looks like some sort of garden spider. [Some sort of BIG garden spider.] Do not feel like killing anything. Or catching anything. Hope hard it will slip out the way it slipped in.

Day Two : No spider. Yay!

Day Three : The spider is back. In the living room. This is not good. It is moving away from the kitchen.

Give spider wide berth.

Day Four : The spider likes the living room wall. Detante. And more wide berth.

Day Five : No spider. Yay!

Day Six : The spider is in the bathroom. Bad spider. Bad. Open bathroom window. Hope spider will find way around bathroom screen like it found way around kitchen screen.

Make note to self : Fix loose kitchen screen.

Day Seven : The spider has taken up residence on the bathroom wall. By the toilet. This won’t work. Knock spider down with back scrubber handle. Use toilet quickly.

Day Seven Point Five : Spider has returned to guard toilet. Gah! Capture spider in yogurt container. Let go ouside front door. Hope neighbors do not see me in underoos shaking yogurt container like crazy woman.

Day Eight : Walk straight into spider web stretched across front door.

Damn spider.


where the art work comes from :
that is from kattenmeisje

0 Responses to revenge of the spider

  1. I have one at the back door, which CyberGypsy removed from the living room at my request. I should have had him throw it off the balcony, or send it to Burning Man or something.

  2. max

    I can tell right off you have never been bitten vy a venomous spider.

  3. If you’re seeing one big one, then there are a lot more there. And spiders do not want to go outside once they have found inside, they want to stay cozy and dry and undisturbed. They have no escape instinct.

    kill the damned spider.

    I had one in the kitchen and I felt bad (poor, lost spider, didn’t mean to come inside) and I caught him in a plastic jar. He wasn’t huge, but was quite fuzzy-looking and I was curious so I got my trusty field guide on spiders out (what do you mean, what field guide? you all don’t have field guides? geez. I have a field guide for every critter around here that can possibly slither in and/or eat me. I’d like to be able to leave a coherent description of the culprit if I’m dying, thank you). Anyway, so I check the trusty field guide and the spider on there is kinda fuzzy, but not as fuzzy as my spider, who is in a glass jar, and then I realize… my spider’s fuzziness is… moving. As in, separating. It was like the Borg. There were more than 100 (I am not exaggerating) baby spiders stacked up on Mom or Dad or Uncle Walt there and they started leaping off and investigating the glass, which then made me realize… if that spider hadn’t been under glass, all of those babies would have been in my kitchen.

    Now? I kill the damned spiders. I have a rule: you stay outside? you live. You cross that line? you die.

    When they start paying they mortgage, they can make the rules.

  4. max

    Oh. My. God. Borg Spider!

    You are too funny.

  5. Kym

    Max, Once bitten does not always have to make you twice shy. I’m with Anita Marie on this one!

  6. Have you ever seen from close a jumping spider?

    (I mean the small ones, those not longer than four-five millimeters? — you don’t need a magnifying glass)

    They are extremely attentive to the environment in which the move through.

    (jumping spiders do not have nets, they are more of the “tramp” kind of spiders. They rush their small preys “jumping on them”, and are only provided with a safety tether)

    If you are daring enough to study them from close, you’ll see that they stare — yep! — right in your eyeballs. And if you move a bit, they follow your eyes.

    — Funny experiments:

    A) Try with your open hand to imitate a bigger spider in front of the small helpless jumping spider. Open thumb and pinkie to imitate threatening limbs of the imaginary spider.

    You’ll see the jumping spider assume a wide behavioral range depending on the distance of your hand, until, if you “jump” on him, it will start jumping around like crazy, trying to escape quickly.

    B) Grab a small pocket mirror and place right in front of the jumping spider.

    N.B: I’ve seen a jumping spider doing this just once, so I think maybe I stumbled on a jumping spider with a quite low Q.I. (for a jumping spider, I mean)

    The spider in question took the mirrored spider for an enemy, and started doing movements with his fore limbs to “appear” (I assume) much bigger than he was (that’s where I learned of the thumb-and-pinkie rule).

    Obviously the mirrored spider won’t give up first, so after a while the real jumping spider left.

    — Anecdotes.

    Once I found a small jumping spider on the walls of the kitchen, and I started to do the “I am the big spider around, so see to tear away right now”, but I “jumped” too close to the spider, who couldn’t help but to jump on my nail.

    I think that was the scariest yell my neighbours have ever heard in years.

    ( )()()( )

  7. max

    Um, I have been swarmed and bitten by the brine eating spiders of Salt Lake, attacked by a Daddy Long Legs, [I have not heard of that ever happening to anyone else either but it did to me that thing lunged across three feet of open air to get to me too so I am just lucky its mouth is too small to actually bite a human, dumb spider], and bitten three times by a seriously venomous spider that left bites that took over three months to heal this is not once bitten and shy, this is swarmed, bitten, attacked, and maimed shy. I am spider candy, they know it, I know it, they get the outside, I get the inside.

    [Marcus, I am calling a priest for you, just stay calm.]

  8. Aaaaaaaaah, I am not going to sleep tonight. I am turning all the lights on. You people are going to have to pay my hydro and therapy bills, damn you all. GAH!

  9. Kym

    Okay, you have reason to fear. What did you do in your former life to have a Daddy Long Legs attack you!!!?

    I’ve coaxed them onto my hand and showed them off to my kids before. They touch ever so gently and never act fierce.

  10. max

    I was taking a shower when the Daddy Longleg jumped me. You know those are a highly venomous spider. Their fangs are just too small to puncture human type skin.

  11. All spiders are venomous, silly.

    And Daddy Longlegs are docile little sweethearts.

    I bet you just misinterpreted his love machinations. You were naked after all, you can’t really blame him for that. In fact, you should be flattered the little guy was willing to transcend the species barrier and risk running afoul of the spider gossip mill for you.

  12. more about spiders:
    never kill one, it brings bad luck.
    white spider, good news
    black spider, bad news
    red spider, good news for horny people.

  13. max

    Wow what does it say I have never seen a white or a red spider? [I am thinking this is a good thing really.]

  14. D. Jordan Knight

    I wish I had read this — and the comments — before I found that fuzzy Borg spider under my desk. :/

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