return of the imaginary pants


imaginary pantsMy favorite pants —

Went missing.

My favorite pants were made from green silky material that hangs just right and makes my waist look seductive and my behind look good.

Those are necessary attributes for favorite pants and these pants were like the evil queen mirror of favorite pants.


When I moved into the loft I was clearing out the storage unit. That is the storage unit that was my life in storage for three years. Things were in there I did not remember owning. Things were in there I did not remember buying. It was months sorting. And when the favorite pants went missing?

I figured they just got sorted into the wrong stack and were gone for good.

Hell, when things go that missing, you wonder if they were ever real or if you just made them up.

Imaginary pants.

It could happen.


Today sorting?

[Why does sorting accompany every move?]

The favorite pants!



where the art work comes from :
that is from gillian leigh

39 Responses to return of the imaginary pants

  1. Kym

    You have to wonder where they went…

    I think they went wandering in the time and space continuum and Dr. Seuss found them.

    There I was deep within the woods
    when, suddenly, I spied them.
    I saw a pair of pale green pants
    With nobody inside them!

  2. I have to say that thinking about your pants gives me great pleasure. But I am sure my counsellor can help to sort these things out for me.

  3. max

    They are pretending they were in a hamper of winter clothing the whole time but I am suspicious.

  4. Blane helps with the laundry sometimes and always puts my clothes in the girls’ stack. Right now I am missing about 3 pair of pants and a few shirts.
    On top of that, the girls have been stealing my shoes. The same shoes they laughed at me for wearing.

  5. max

    You know for help with the laundry I would be willing to search for the clothes. But shoe stealing? Okay that is true fashion crime.

  6. I think they went wandering in the time and space continuum and Dr. Seuss found them.

    I did not find my favorite slacks,
    I did not find them on the racks,
    I did not find them in my drawer,
    I did not find them any more.

    I looked for the pants both here and there,
    But did not find them anywhere,
    And then one day while looking in
    the storage bin, why there they’d been.

    I love these pants, they love my butt,
    I love the way I seem a slut,
    I put them on and I’ll be damn,
    I still don’t like green eggs and ham.

  7. Kym

    “I do not like any eggs and ham.
    I do not like them,” said Max I Am.
    “If I have more than Diet Coke,
    Fitting in these pants will be a joke!”

  8. your pants exist. just click your heels three times…

    oh god i empathize with the storage-unit-did-i-just-chuck-it thing.

    you shall find the glorious pants at the ultimate point of not wanting to wear them.

    ~the mysterious miss r

  9. Maybe they were hanging out on the wrong side of the racks…


    I’ll go away now.

  10. max

    You are all on ignore. Sheesh.

  11. We’re like foot fungus, you can’t just ignore us.

    Besides, Kym started it.

    Kisses Max

  12. Kym

    I think we’re adorable… like those fuzzy bears that walk across the floor crashing cymbals….

    Besides JanieBelle did more than me, nyahhhhh!

  13. Well, I have to concede that Kym is adorable, however I must confess that somewhat …less generous… descriptions of me have been proffered… occasionally.


  14. max

    Oh you are both adorable but I will beat you like step-children if you keep up with the Dr. Seuss. I am a single childless woman. I do not do Dr. Seuss.

  15. Then I probably shouldn’t mention that I watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas last night. It might segue into Cindy Lou Who verse…

    You’re a mean one, Maxy Grinch.

  16. Kym

    Your a mean one Maxy Grinch.
    Don’t get your green panties in a pinch!

    (flees giggling gleefully, resolves not to come back till Max has forgotten her misdeeds)

  17. max

    Hmm. I wonder if it is time to show Kym how to edit comments on your blog.


  18. Not to change the iambic pentameter of the comments, however, I only want to see Max in the pants she lost then found. Is that bad? By the way, my daughter is student directing Seussical the Musical. After two months of this, I no longer like the good doctor anymore either.

  19. max

    Thank God. A voice of reason.

  20. Kym

    Edit comments????? Does that mean that you can make me say things on your blog..???

    Now I really am fleeing in horror!

  21. Yeah Kym, she can.

    I’ve been known to … adjust … the comments of the occasional troll.

    Over on Blogger, you can even change the font color and stuff, so I made my adjustments big and green, and it became known as The Big Green Marker and it was hilarious.

    Now I only have a disemvoweler, which is pretty funny, but here’s a pretty good example of the BGM.

    Enjoy that.

  22. max

    [ps : janiebelle’s big green marker is hilarious btw]

    [pps: you do not actually have to post i can just make one up for you if i want but this sort of stuff is urually reserved for posters who are… problematic]

  23. Kym

    Okay, I’ll admit that it is funny but it seems a bit morally questionable. The big green marker makes it obvious what was done so that just makes it funny. But now posting becomes a trust thing.

    You have to trust that your host, the blogger, is not going to make you sound like an idiot. (I can do that perfectly well all by myself. I don’t need any help.)

  24. Kym

    I just realized that I knew where to edit comments.

    I’m just so damn naive sometimes. I only edit my own comments (disgraphia makes me drop words often). It never occurred to me to edit someone else’s . . .

    Unlike some obviously twisted sisters I could name.

  25. max


    In actuality, there is an element of trust involved in posting on a blog. Any blog you post on has your IP and email in its records after you post. Most of the time you can assume a blog owner is not going to do anything wrong with that information. But not always.

    Janiebelle has blogs that get some very mixed responses, some of them violently unpleasant. I am willing to bet she does not change posts unless they are attacks. There are people who have posted on my blog who are blocked from future posting. Their participation was… questionable and sometimes malicious. I do not consider changing their posts or deleting their posts or blocking their participation immoral. This is my space. People who come here are my guests. I throw people out of here for the same reasons I would throw someone out of my house. They violated acceptable standards of conduct.

    I have never heard of diagraphia. What is that?

  26. Janiebelle has blogs that get some very mixed responses, some of them violently unpleasant. I am willing to bet she does not change posts unless they are attacks.

    That would be a safe bet. In fact, it would have to be an extremely nasty and persistent attack. Very, very few (actually only one as I recall) commenters have suffered the wrath of the BMG, and a very quick Google of his name will turn up plenty of examples of his comments all over the blogosphere.

    The disemvoweler is equally infrequently used, and since WordPress provides for putting commenters in the moderation queue by IP address, Email address, etc., there are certainly other options.

    Truth be told, in over a year of existence, I’ve only had to ban two commenters (the victim of the BMG being the first of them). Since Blogger has no means to prevent him from commenting and he refused to disappear, toying with him was my best option. Even that didn’t slow him down for quite some time. In fact, he still pops in from time to time.

    As Max has pointed out, my blog is my home. Spirited discussion is encouraged, but threats are not tolerated. Respectful disagreement with the hostess or other commenters is OK. Flattery and seduction will be rewarded generously.


  27. Kym

    My son and I cracked up over the Big Green Marker and its attitude. I don’t have any problem discouraging unpleasant folks (well, actually I would have a problem but I don’t have problems with others doing it. I’m just a wuss;>) Its just that thought of people being able to edit me so that I say something else is kind of scary!

    Dysgraphia (ironically, I spelled it wrong earlier) is a relatively newly diagnosed learning disorder. I first read about it when I was getting my teaching degree about 7 years ago. Even most teachers, unless they are newly trained, aren’t aware of it but it can appear in about 5% of students–especially males.

    Symptoms-extremely poor spelling (Thank you Oh Great Inventor of Spellcheck!)often spelling the same word several different ways in the same paragraph ie my son can spell when–win, wen, whene, when in just 6 or 7 sentences. Illegible handwriting is also key (dis[bad]graphia[write]). Messy desks are often a symptom also.

    A few teachers thought I had dyslexia when I was growing up but I didn’t fit the category. I’ve self diagnosed myself but its pretty obvious to anyone who is around me long. I have to quadruple check everything and still I make mistakes.

  28. Ack!

    I have been Akismesucked into oblivion. I hate when that happens.

  29. max

    Nope but I am glad you said something before you got buried I would not have caught it.

  30. Yay! I’ve been rescued!

  31. Kym

    And I thought that gummi bear just stuck to my tooth now I know, it was an enamel fetish sweetie.

  32. max

    Gummi bear?

    You have been consorting with Anita haven’t you?

  33. “enamel fetish” hehehe

    You have to click the link in my rescued comment Max, to see why gummi porn once again reared it’s sticky head.

    The Seven Deadly Gummi Sins…

    (Links don’t stand out very well in this theme, so I’ll try to remember to bold them or something from now on.)

  34. Hey, hold the horses a sec!

    If you think about it, Gummis are bears, so wouldn’t they do it doggie style? Something’s fishy here, and the questions are multiplying like rabbits.

    Maybe it’s just animal magnetism.


  35. max

    Oh I missed the link. Gummy porn!

    Oddly, when I was a little girl imagining my great big future, I never thought, Wow someday I so want my name to be indelibly linked to gummy porn….

    Kids. No imagination I tell ya.

  36. Notice I did not say it…not me.
    No Sir.
    Not Yet.

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