red velvet cake and other urban legends


coffeeI always thought red velvet cake was a myth.

I mean, sure, you hear about it once in a while. Once in a long while. Like, um, exactly once. In college. In a class on urban legends. [Yet another reason for my skepticism, hmm. Hey also do not mock that class, that class was five units, hard as hell, and the only one of three classes standing between me and graduation in which the instructor made me take the freaking final exam.] But I have never actually seen a red velvet cake. Now I know why. Red velvet cake does not live in California and there is no reason a California kid would ever see one. Especially since red dye #40 [what happened to red dye #1 – #39?] was banned in California long ago by people who really really like carrot juice and are orange and do not think that is problematic but hey red food dye would be wrong. [Hey, orange people, you look weird, quit it with the carrot juice.] No. Red velvet cake lives in the South and, unlike grits which have no shame and present themselves at every opportunity day or night on plates of questionable sanitary status in truck stop diners [do not ask me, a, why I am so familiar with truck stop diners, or b, the horror I experienced the first time I saw grits, good God, where are the hash browns?] red velvet cake apparently only comes out on holidays and special occasions. Like, Christmas, or when you want to poison every attendee at your bicentenial family reunion.

Cool, huh?

Oh, also this is the other reason I know [possibly all made up] red velvet cake is in the South. Pooks posted a recipe. Pooks of course writes fiction and also like all proper Southern belles cannot iron so Pooks posting a recipe is suspect in and of itself but she mentioned her grandmother in the post that might make it sacred.


where the art work comes from :
that is i heart coffee by mcmrbt

10 Responses to red velvet cake and other urban legends

  1. Oh, god! I misread grits as “girls.” Insert the latter and see what happens.

    Red velvet cake sound so sexy and luscious. I think I actually had a slice not too long ago. Yes, I did. It’s all coming back to me. Where the hell was it? Who was I talking to? Maybe the poisons wiped out my memory. I just remember a slightly dumpy white lady with badly permed hair and thick rimmed glasses.

    So weird.

    Anyway, I do remember thinking that the cake was pretty good!

  2. Oh, I forgot to add, my family is from, the south, so maybe that’s why it didn’t have any adverse effects lol

  3. max

    That is really funny. “Good God, where are the hash browns?” I am cracking up.

  4. Z

    I am leary of Red Velvet Cake because anything I have tasted with red die has been really, really bitter.

  5. max

    That was not red dye, Z, that was rhubarb. It is naturally that color and scary.

  6. What is more Christmassy than red velvet cake? …you are missing out!

  7. Oh, gosh, I clicked on the red velvet cake link, the horror. I guess the victims thought they were passing the cake while they were bleeding out.

    No red dye #40 in California? How does Hollywood make all that fake blood?

  8. They sell red velvet cake in the supermarkets down here. Highly over-rated, but not as bad as grits. I think.

  9. max

    Oh nobody bled out. All the right calls were made and everyone was fine. Though maybe way off red velvet cake.

    A real devious friend of mine used to tell me grits would make my breasts grow. That was not incentive enough to eat grits for me so tragically I am still a flat chested California girl.

  10. The recipe on my site is for Texas Sheath Cake, not Red Velvet Cake. I’ll post it, though.

    Red Velvet cake from the grocery store isn’t really Red Velvet Cake. The real thing isn’t bitter, and it’s to die for.

    Well, um, poor choice of words there.

    Grits are delicious with real butter and lots of salt and pepper. Yum.

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