psa for the holidays or, pants, sass, & ass

So. Men —

Christmas is around the corner. Parties! Then New Year’s Eve. Parties! Then, be still my beating heart, Valentine’s Day. Party!

[And that last one should be private.]

Want a date for those parties?

Then for the love of God, man, wear good jeans.

[That is most likely what you will be wearing when you ask someone out and if you can’t manage decent fitting pants on a regular day what suggests you can when you get spruced?]

 

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Directions For Determining if You Are Wearing Good Jeans:

1. Print the Above Photo
2. Put on your jeans.
3. Stand, back to a mirror, wearing your jeans.
4. Lift a hand mirror and peruse your backside.

If you are wearing good jeans, what you see will bear some resemblance to the top photo.

If you are wearing bad jeans, what you see will resemble this:

 

 

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What To Do If You Are Wearing Bad Jeans:

1. Beg a female friend to accompany you to the nearest jeans store.
2. Try on AT LEAST five pairs of jeans.
3. Buy the jeans your female friend tells you to buy.

 

You’re welcome.

 

 

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*do not rely on cute salesgirls for help, they work on commission
*do not rely on ex-girlfriends for help, they are conflicted
*do not rely on your mother for help, she still thinks you are twelve
*this has been a public service announcement