oh. my. god.




I have a lunch Thursday.

That is, um, today?

I am out of foundation.


Thank God M.A.C. does computer ordering. There will be foundation Monday.

The Thursday lunch kids will have to live with powder.

How do these things happen?





71 Responses to oh. my. god.

  1. You could always live like my mother and have 5 of everything, just in case you run out. Or in case there was a sudden worldwide shampoo shortage.

    Did I mention my mother is insane?

  2. max

    Your mother is smart. She will never be flat out of foundation right before a lunch.

  3. max

    [Okay probably insane too, but still, she will not run out of foundation. I cannot be trotting about buying foundation. I have things to do here.]

  4. Oh, she’s smart alright. She sends me out to buy it. It’s what I’m paid to do.

    Buyer of Toiletries and Miscellaneous Items.

    I’m so putting that on my business card…

  5. max

    Wow that is crafty.

  6. Very. I am being paid to fill out a passport application for her as I type.

    It works out for both of us.

  7. I used to be one of those make up grils, ( a stand in really I was in fine jewerly) it was endless samples, I could always find a sample of foundation somewhere. Sometimes I have good luck when something is off. It’s a good sign I am sure.

  8. Online shopping is far more fun than buying it at the shop, I think.

    I always do a little splerky dance when a package arrives on my doorstop. I don’t do splerky dances when I’m traipsing around the shops.

  9. max

    It is more fun getting the packages in the mail.

  10. Especially, if you have my UPS man.

  11. max

    I think you are hogging all the hot Sven type guys.

  12. max

    I must sleep now if I actually expect to make that lunch and even [wow what a concept] be coherent.

    Night angels.

  13. You could always go over to your nearest bookshop and flip through a couple of beauty mags…some of them insert foundation samples now. Just rip ’em out.

    (And who said a former life of crime doesn’t pay off?)

  14. Night Charlie.

    (Because you must still be sleeping at 5:45 am LA time)

  15. OK… inquiring minds want to know. What is “splerky” dancing?

  16. What colour are you in MAC? I have a very nearly full bottle of NW20 Studio Fix liquid foundation (I think I used it twice). Also have the cheaper, lighter coverage Sephora alternative (which I tend to mix with moisturizer with sunscreen for a tinted summer foundation with a good SPF cos I fry like things that fry a lot).

    And I make a mean care package.

  17. Alas. All I had to offer was some satin finish NC30.


  18. Well, TheFirm, allow me to demonstrate….

    (silly girl just made it up)

  19. And here I thought it was some exotic dance of the Buyer of Toiletries and Miscellaneous Items.

    Dang it, I was already getting aroused.

  20. That’s exactly what it is. Just because it was named in a sudden fit of inarticulation, does not mean it has not existed through the ages.

    I have a lovely costume which has terrific body and shine and smells of exotic fruit extracts.

  21. Please… assure me that the toilet brush is not flung about in some manner reminiscent of Rhythmic Ribbon Gymnastics…

  22. max

    Everyone who has gotten a stack of packages in the mail and it was not December knows the splerky dance. It cannot be defined it can only be danced.

    Firm is Billy Crudup incognito.

    This is Studio Fix C2 and I will probably trade up a shade in late summer. It is nifty.

  23. max

    [ps : care packages are nifty]

  24. I knew I shouldn’t have quoted “Almost Famous” so much lately. That was the giveaway… wasn’t it?

  25. Um, am I the only one who swings by the Dior counter and asks “do you do makeovers?” about two hours before I have to be somewhere?

  26. max

    I was thinking Stage Beauty.

  27. Thank you Max. I heart care packages. Oh, yes. I recieved one just this week. It was unexpected, which added that little bit of extra splerk to proceedings.

    Firm: I find the toilet brush a little unwieldy and the odour doesn’t mix well with the exotic fruit extracts. I prefer mousse and shower scrunchies.

  28. Raincoaster: You mean they actually do decent makeovers at makeup counters? I only have experience of walking out looking like I’ve been used for target practice.

  29. Max,

    An enigma playing an enigma? Where’s the trick in that?


    Good idea. Now the attraction is back.

  30. max

    Blasphemer. Billy Crudup is shockingly beautiful AND he does Shakespeare AND well AND how often do you get to play the leading lady AND the leading man in one movie?

  31. Would it have worked better if I’d said: “A woman playing a woman? Where’s the trick in that?”?

  32. max

    I am dazed and confused in the early hours or the day, Firm. I miss things. Wow and that was a whopper of a miss. I have no future in baseball.

  33. ‘Tis OK. I know you’re still trying to sort out the comments on the “Hard Men” post. ;)

  34. max

    It was a flashy response. You deserved better.

  35. I know you’ll make it up to me with countless opportunities for punning. That makes us even.

  36. max

    Good God. What have I unleashed?

  37. So far, you’ve unleashed mindless puns and Harlequin romance writing. I can’t seem to compose anything else.

  38. max

    All right. I have stared in horror at neglected pores. Curbed errant brows bent on entropy. Exfoliated. Emoliated. Been startled to see my neglected hair actually beginning to resemble what might be its natural color, wow the last time I saw that I was what, five? [Note to self, do the roots.] Done damage control on the vestiges of tea. Found an abandoned and forgotten bottle of foundation that just will do. My sneakers are scuffed, my hair is under a cap, but hell or high water, I am off to be fed by the Academy and rub shoulders with the chosen few. All of whom will no doubt be dressed better and not require a baseball cap for camouflage. Oh the chagrin.

  39. But they lack the foundation of your stunning persona. They should bow humbly in your presence.

  40. Damn, Firm is so good. I am going to have him pen all my thank you notes!

    Max, you’re going to the Academy scruffed up? You are so bold.

  41. max

    Aww. That was sweet. Firm, do you have a fever?

    It is afternoon. I am a writer. Writers are supposed to be eccentric and scruffed up. It is tradition. I think Faulkner started it.

  42. One of you internet ladies should shack up with firm; he seems a like good guy.

  43. (AJ, don’t tell anyone, but it’s just an act.)

    No fever Max… but it did allow me to slip in a “foundation” play, while technically not qualifying as a pun.

  44. max

    I have the pun police on speed dial you know.

  45. It’s not the pun police I fear. It’s the Pun FBI.

    They’re Hoover’s cronies.

    Dam him.

  46. max

    Oh be nice to Hoover. He and Cary Grant wore pink silk lacies and you know that just led them into temptations and hells you and I will never know. Wait. I have those. Wait. You have those too. Um. Let me think this through a little further and get back to you.

  47. You’re right. Those pink silk lacies are hell. However, burlap chafes me so.

  48. J. Edgar Hoover, what a fuckhead he was.

    I was just telling Amy last night that I’ve worn boys’ Y fronts and found them not comfy at all. And yet, several of my boyfriends have nicked my knickers because they found them quite comfy.

    (Is it wrong that I found that kinda sexy? Yeah, it probably is.)

  49. Time out.

    What are “boys’ Y fronts”?

    Is this somehow better than going “commando”?

  50. Boys Y Fronts are also called “tighty whities” by Yanks. :-) I am a yank, but I prefer “Y fronts.”

  51. That makes sense. I’d seen “Y backs,” but then you’re talking thongs. I couldn’t imagine a “Y front” for a guy of the same design.

  52. Ew, indeed.

    Why am I getting pictures of Borat swishing through my interior vision?

  53. I’m not sure, but I think I should be insulted. :D

  54. max

    I wonder what kind of underoos Canadians wear.

  55. They go commandoo… eh?

  56. max

    I do not know. We will have to ask a Canadian. I wonder if there are any here.

  57. Commando is overrated. Unless you like doing large loads of washing, often.

  58. “Large loads” is not a phrase I like to see associated with going commando.

  59. How could a large load be considered a bad thing?


    Well, it depends on who you ask…

    Laundry, bad.

  60. One of you internet ladies should shack up with firm; he seems a like good guy.

    There are plenty of good men out there, but we don’t shack up with them because of it.

  61. Vanessa, luv. You don’t have to do large loads of washing. Just get yourself the anti panti.

  62. Wow, thanks Ms Pants!

  63. max

    Wow. Tiger stripes and camouflage.

  64. Yes, sometimes I need to hide my pussy.

  65. max

    I adore Ms. Pants. Possibly too much proximity would result in arythmia but Jesus is she honest.

  66. Yeah, I suppose…you can’t get more honest than that lol

  67. Ms Pants: That has to be the invention of the freakin’ millenium. Just, brilliant.

    I’ll take Jesus.

  68. I like reading on the site:

    So you don’t have to wash your pants everytime you go commando…

    Oh. Um, so you’re supposed to wash your pants each time?

    LMAO. Just kidding!

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