new dog old trick
This veterinarian was telling me a story —
This woman brought her dog in to see the veterinarian. She thought something was wrong with her dog. It was a nice dog and the veterinarian looked the dog over and said, Well there is nothing wrong with your dog she is just pregnant. The woman said, That cannot be. The veterinarian said, Well has she been around any male dogs? The woman said, No. The vet said, Listen, she must have been around a male dog because she is pregnant. The woman said, No, she has just been around her brother and I told them brothers and sisters do not do that.
[You just know this woman hauled her dogs into confession the following Sunday.]
where the art work comes from :
that is african wild dog #2 by kyle west
15 Responses to new dog old trick
Reading this I found myself thinking about when I worked in an Italian deli where we sold all these fresh, filled pastas and this guy who came every week finally decided to ask us what he was doing wrong because the ravioli always came out a bit chewy when he cooked them.
“Well, how long are you boiling them for, sir?”
Blank stare. “Um, boiling them?”
With pasta, however, there is no room for incest and the confessional so the pooch in the pudding club is way better [smile].
Oh I am sure we could work incest into that story we just have to be creative. He as cooking the ravioli for his sister….
Well, we never did figure out what the hell he was doing with the pasta so perhaps in accounting for this we might discover some dark secret from his family’s past – mutant gense of some kind?
The dogs just crack me up. “Fido, Fifi, brothers and sisters do not do that. Now I am going to the store. Here I will leave the TV on for you.”
How much TV do you think those dogs watched?
I’m thinking they could have watched TV and gotten her knocked up at the same time – no problem…
I’ll bet at least one of those dogs got “fixed.”
When I moved my Alaskan Malamute to Los Angeles in the 1990s, I would leave the TV on for her. If CNN was on, I would return to find her curled up in the furthest reaches of the house from the TV with paws over her head, but if the History Channel was on she was always in front of the TV, attentively rapt — this dog wound up knowing more about history than I ever will. … Anyway, a couple of years ago at Gracie Mansion I ran into the guy who runs the History Channel. After appearing sane for awhile, I asked him “What do your demographics look like for dogs?” “Beats me,” he replied, “but research shows that cats love Animal Planet and CNN’s animal ratings have always been the shits.”
Maybe the pasta guy was microwaving his ravioli.
There’s a comedian who does a hilarious bit on dogs and their penises – and how we basically can’t take our eyes off of the horror when Fido gets aroused.
i dunno why, this reminds me of an old joke.
a woman took an add in the personals. a guy called her up and chatted her for a while and he sounded good. she asked:
is there any physical aspects i may know you by?
well-he said- i am a war wet and i lost both my legs to it.
aww-he was a war hero. the lady liked that.
that’s ok – she said- anything else?
a bomb took away my arms too – he said -that is why i got you on speaker phone.
hmm – she mused – well do you still have…um… the thing?
lady, -he said, how do you think i dialed your number?
ah Max..you always find the good animal stories
*green*
That lady is probably still in counselling you know. Traumatized beyond help.
Haha that is funny, Sulya.
That guy – definitely not Italian – but I can see him being the butt of Polish jokes.
We had a very strange mutt that was sweet and stupid, like, retarded-stupid. We’d had her a couple of years when I was talking to the neighbor who gave her to us, and discovered that her parents were brother and sister.
Oy vey.
Her name was Precious.
May she RIP.
Ok I think this thread has given me the best laughs all day.