my imaginary boyfriend


mirco_iiYou were wondering —

Who Mirco is, right? He comes up enough in convos around here I figure someone must be wondering. [I blame Sophia.] That is Mirco. My imaginary boyfriend. He even has a last name: Bergamasco.

[Do not think it was even easy memorizing how to spell that either.]

Since I do not have a real boyfriend, an imaginary boyfriend seems to me to be the next best thing. [“Next best thing” is a perspective I am not going to examine too closely here and neither should you.] It is problematic stalking Mirco online the way God intended girls to stalk imaginary boyfriends online though because Mirco is Italian and plays rugby for a French rugby team and everything written about Mirco is written in French or Italian and I do not speak or read a word of either French or Italian so cannot read a thing about him. But AJ tells me that is not really a problem, all I have to know how to say is “get on the bed” in Italian and I am set.

AJ is so smart.

[Babblefish says that is “Ottenga sulla base.” Um. Anyone around here speak Italian? It would be good to know that did not really mean “Paint yourself blue I have a monkey tail.”]

Mirco is totally age inappropriate. Last I checked he was 24 and he may have turned 25 by now but that is too young. [I am sworn off guys under thirty.] Does that really matter with imaginary boyfriends though? I think not.

I am not sure how long Mirco has been my imaginary boyfriend. It started in chat with Zee. Zee is the queen of google and wikipedia and was tossing out sexy photo links and we chat girls were clicking like Christian soldiers when whammo I clicked this book of photos by Francois Rouseau. And did one of the most impractical things I have ever done in my life [not really] I purchased a book of locker room nudes just to find out who the guy on the cover was. And the guy on the cover was Mirco.

AJ says Mirco is really just the Statue of David personified and that is not an improvement over my tragic crushing on anime characters, it is just an extension of my habitual attraction to fictitious male figures. Me, I think just the fact Mirco actually is a living breathing person somewhere on the globe and not a drawing has to count for something though.

[AJ also is concerned about Mirco’s hair but who cares about his hair do you see those abs?]


[Oh well it will all sort itself out. Just do not tell Mirco about Howl or Inuyasha. He might not understand.]


41 Responses to my imaginary boyfriend

  1. Ah Mirco. Finally he show up on the blog. Yay!

  2. yeah, the hair is rather worrying…

  3. Sophia

    A girl’s got to love a rugby player when she sees one.

  4. max

    Ah. Number Five. Shifting Sands has been dating my ex boyfriend’s long lost twin. I hope she snaps back faster and better than I did.

  5. Max, I’ve got some advice for you:

    Andiamo a letto!

    Once you are there:

    Il tuo e il piu grande che ho mai visto!

    He’ll be very, very happy!

  6. I’ve got to question that hair, though. Was he playing in the rain, or did his mother give him bad perms, too?

  7. max

    Okay, grande I get. What did you just say was big?

    [Technically, I know enough French to say pardon me, one metro ticket please, where is the toilet, do you have a room available — oh, that one might be useful, hmm — and to yell at any ballet student who isn’t stretching hard enough or jumping high enough. That got me through years of ballet and one week in Paris but does not help much with sports pages, go figure.]

  8. Maybe you should date a French guy. Sounds more convenient! (Just make sure he washes, I’ve dated enough Italians to know that they bathe).

  9. max

    Are you kidding? Have you seen how the French spell? They are second to the Poles only in silent letters just tossed in there to throw you off.

  10. I also have imaginary boyfriends. I have TV boyfriends – the character, not the actor. They are (in chronological order): 1. Ed from Ed 2. Dr. John Carter from ER 3. Agent Michael Vaughn from Alias 4. Nate from Six Feet Under and 5. Jon Stewart, who might not count since he’s not really playing a ‘character’ so to speak. Also note that all of these characters are no longer on TV, except for Jon, so this is a problem. I need a new TV boyfriend. I’m considering Preston Burke from Grey’s Anatomy, but McDreamy is really my favourite there.

    I also have rock ‘n’ roll boyfriends (not all actually play rock music, but it sounds catchy). 1. Justin Timberlake (I know, I know) 2. Adam Levine from Maroon 5 3. Damien Rice 4. John Legend

    Your imaginary boyfriend is hot. good choice!

  11. max

    Mom! Thinking Girl is hogging all the imaginary boyfriends again!

  12. Yes, Thinking Girl! Peter Krause, hot, hot, hot! I was looking at pics of him last night!

  13. Max, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. I threw one back, remember?

  14. aj

    I think maybe it is Christian Bale’s voice with Howl that you are attracted to, so he doesn’t worry me as much as Inuyasha

    As for Mirco, I stand by the statue of david comment from the neck up.

    From the neck down? The guy is lunch.

  15. max

    Well I do not have a crush on Christian Bale. Just his voice.

    How many hours till lunch?

  16. Imaginary boyfriends – what a great idea! And you’ve chosen a stellar specimen.

  17. max

    Isn’t he lovely? :::happy sigh:::

    Say, Stilletto, that was not a “throw one back,” that was a “you can play with him till I get there then I get him back.” That is nifty sharing. Not throwing back though.

  18. I just enjoy diversity, that’s all! :P

  19. max

    Oh you are a frisky minx.

  20. Geez, I just saw the link and followed and then saw the photo. Then after the paramedics left, I maybe drooled a little bit. Wow. Good taste, max.

  21. max

    Isn’t he beautiful? Happy sigh.

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  26. Christina

    This column made my day. I have the same obsessive love of my own imaginary boyfriend. He goes by the name of Mauro. Mauro Bergamasco … AND I purchased Locker Room Nudes AND the Dieux de Stade videos featuring Mauro.

    I was really quite saddened that Mauro is not in the 2009 Dieux de Stade calendar. I had the real Mauro on my Facebook friend list for a while until he punted me and my friend for our irritating notes to him …Mirco didn’t accept me at all …

  27. max

    That is very funny about Mauro on Facebook and your notes.

    Welcome to here we will admire the Bergamasco boys together.

  28. Christina

    Awesome thanks … I’ve been looking for someone to go the UK with me during the Six Nations Tournament. Someone that won’t mind sniffing around for the Italians after England boots their (sexy) arses. Come on! Yes I’m obsessed .. have you seen these new ones?

    Mirco used have dark hair. I think he is a hair product junkie …

  29. Christina

    Ok … I just realized my friend request on Mirco’s Facebook page is pending. WTF??? Its been pending for 11 months now … he should make a decision … Mauro probably screwed me out of that friend acceptance.

  30. max

    Oh well I am not your girl there for me the beauty of an imaginary boyfriend is he stays imaginary.

  31. Christina

    You are right Max. Besides, I’d probably get a stalking or harrassment charge if I went over anyway …

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  33. Mirco

    Hey girl,
    my name is Mirco as well and i’m italian. Just want to tell you that “get in to bed” is “vieni a letto con me?” in italian.
    And that Mirco you posted is one of the best italian rugby team players. He’s really good.
    C ya!

  34. max

    Well thanks, Mirco. [That is very funny. I guess I am all set now.]

  35. Jody landman

    Hi Max

    MAybe I should get me one of these…the real ones break your heart and leave..

  36. max

    I highly recommend imaginary boyfriends. They also do not leave the seat up.

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