miss r's quiz aka retarded survey ver. 1.67.3
Miss R always has the best quizzes. Also she and I are often scarily similar in our answers. That or I just want to steal her better more witty more clever answers —
Naw. That could not be it. There is just no drama in that. [Yes there is.] Let’s go with conjoined twins brutally separated at birth. That is so much more exciting —
THE RETARDED SURVEY VER. 1.65.3
1. My ‘ex’ is….
still breathing, what was all that “I cannot live without you” sash again?
2. I am listening to…
the voices — which kind of makes you wonder, is it domestic violence neighbor guy, or is it me?
3. Maybe I should…
give up my self respect and dignity and pounce the cute downstairs neighbor guy
4. I love..
uh oh, here comes love stuff
5. My best friend…
the voices claim to be my “best friend” but I am not sure about this “kill everyone at the library” thematic
6. I don’t understand…
you are going to have to narrow that down we could be here all night
7. I lost my respect for…
batteries, those little bastards burn out too fast — um, I am talking about the tv remote you pervos
8. I last ate…
the number ten and I am not telling you what “the number ten” is
9. The meaning of my display name is…
pretty self explanatory if you ask me — you did just ask right?
10. Love is…
oh, back with the love stuff
a statuesque cross-dresser is thinking of me
12. I will always…
rely on the kindness of strangers
13. Love seems to be…
on your fucking mind
14. I never ever want to lose…
my virginity — wait, what year is it again?
15. My mobile phone is…
first with the love, now with the number, i so see where this is going
16. When I woke up this morning…
well that was hours ago, kind of not on my mind right now
17. I get annoyed at…
let’s narrow that down — what does not annoy me?
now you want parties? I think not.
19. My pet(s)…
i do not have pets, i have elocution tapes — okay not really but it sounded better than two hundred pairs of shoes.
long, hard, preferably naked
21. Today I…
laughed at the misfortunes of others
22. I wish…
do not get me started on wishes
23. I really want…
what about do not get me started was not clear?
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY [as opposed to my usual devious lies?] —
What would you rather be called?
01. Sweetie or Honey:
you are kidding right?
02. Darling or Hun:
okay, my wall sex minx o’ love would be a better start here, after that we can talk silk ties
01. is your hair wet?:
02. is your cell phone right by you?:
i do not know let me call it and see — wait, i cannot find the landline
03. do you miss someone?:
yes my youth and incredulity
04. are you wearing chap stick?
yes and thank you for noticing, it is vanilla and sassy
05. are you tired?
no which is kind of a problem at this hour
06. are you excited?
not yet — say something dirty
07. are you watching tv?
no the voices are blocking all outside transmissions
08. are you wearing pajamas?
HAVE YOU —
01. recently done anything you regret?:
yes but my rationalization process is swift and sure
02. ever lied?:
i am over five what do you think?
03. ever stuck gum under a desk?
no I drop it in the path of unwary pedestrians like God intended
04. ever kicked someone?:
yes and i would do it again
05. ever tripped over your own feet?:
it was not the feet, it was the invisible disappearing rope
01. have you cursed?:
fuck yes and I am about to do it again
02. yelled at someone?
no but I could do you have someone in mind?
03. have you gotten mad at someone?:
say you are kind of into this fight club thing aren’t you?
Q: is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A: yes and I am not telling you who but he has ripley abs
Q: do you have any siblings?
A: so they claim
Q: Do you want children?
A: well no one under eighteen — oh, wait, you mean want to give birth to children, that is different
Q: do you smile often?
A: there are many kinds of “smile”
Q: do you wish on stars?
A: you have been talking to the voices too?
Q: do you like your handwriting?
A: the last time I saw my handwriting was 1762 — that is what Susan says anyway
Q: are your toenails painted?
A: no and damn you for asking on the one day i am not wearing polish
Q: are you a friendly person?
A: let’s pull this grenade pin and find out
Q: who’s bed did you sleep in last night?
A: like I sleep
Q: what size ring do you wear?
A: if it is a diamond i am shooting for two carats
Q what color shirt are you wearing?
A: sky blue and it is really my color
Q: what were you doing at 7 pm yesterday?
A: wow, more distant past questions, okay, probably obsessing about some guy, no, wait,
twisting young mindser, reviewing student assignments, yeah, that was it, and as a contributing member of society too how does that rock your socks?
Q: I can’t wait until…
A: listen I am getting really traumatized by this shortage of bathing suit shots will this be over soon?
Q: Is tom on your friends list?
Q: Look to your right:
A: hmm one of the candles is out — wait, how did you — okay i have to close the blinds now
Q: Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?
A: no she was wearing designer you do not smear mascara and snot on designer what is wrong with you?
Oh thank God it is over I thought I was going to have to whip out another bathing suit shot.
[Also, not to be cruel or anything, but this was totally written by one of those lapdog guys, Rachel, lose Tom, lapdog guys sleep with drunk girls and think after you should marry them because as we all know drunken friend sex is a binding contract]
say one of the rules here was you have to go fast so if it is not funny? okay i am always funny you are just lame