miss r's new survey


socksSo I steal surveys always from Miss R.

Is that so wrong?

1. Do you still talk to the person you LAST kissed?
Yes but i should not have kissed him

2. Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
Which best friend? If you mean me oh hell yeah.

3. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid?
I choked on every fucking vitamin known to man — and then had to drink tiger’s milk crap too.

4. What was the last food you ate?
Like i eat “food” — that does not supply a plutonium pack you know.

5. Did you get any compliments today?
Yes Jennifer made my day.

6. Have you ever gone to court?
Hell yes and thank you for bringing up such a painful subject.

7. Whats the fifth text message in your inbox?
Wow i really have to delete those that is just clinging to the past.

8. Are you friends with your neighbors?
Cue evil laughter.

10. What languages do your parents speak?
On this planet or on Planet Torture And Destroy Your Children?


socks11. What towns have you lived in?

Is this a CIA plot to invoke carpel tunnel syndrome?

12. What’s the last piercing you got?
My ears, but that took three tries, i am still suspicious of that “little Indian children go slowly and thoughtfully and do not use pain killers” thing again Mom?

13. When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes?
I live in Los Angeles, are you on drugs?

14. Do you get distracted easily?
What was the question?

15. Who do you like?
Define “like”?

16. Do you get jealous easily?
Define “easily”

18. Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
Yes I have, and men have never been the same after.

19. Have you ever toilet papered someone’s house?
Yes but tragically I was confused on the concept and wow was my mom pissed.

20. Have you ever had a crush on your brother or sister’s friends?
No hello what kind of pervo question is that?



21. Have you ever gone to a beach?
I was born in California, what are the odds?

22. Have you ever had a stalker?
I try not to excite them with public attentiion.

23. Do you remember your music teacher’s name from elementary school?
No she was a priss but I remember Mrs. Ishizoo and she taught music better than that “every good boy gives face” teach ever did.

24. How good is your eyesight?
Could you put that in larger text?

25. Have you ever gone to a party?
I am the party.

26. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
I live and work in Hollywood, how absurd do you want to look here?

27. What would you say if I told you I was in love with your brother?
I would say that penis might be a problem.

28. Have you ever been out of the country?
Which country?

29. Have you seen your best friend naked?
I am still working out the definition of “best friend” here.


socks30. What’s the best wedding you’ve been to?

Mine. Too bad everything after kind of did not work.

31. Would your parents be mad if you got arrested for fighting?
Listen. The judge already told them they cannot press charges for not cleaning my room. How long are they going to carry this grudge?

32. Where are your sibling(s) right now?
Good question. Do you have a satellite uplink?

34. What’s the last dream you can remember?
None of your business Pervo.

35. Who was the last person who called you?
Called me what?

36. What time did you wake up this morning?
You look at the clock when you wake up???

37. What are you doing this weekend?
a. reading scripts; b. masturbating; c. going to the hardware store

I haven’t picked yet.

38. What does the 13th text message on your phone say?
Damn. Still have to delete those.

39. What is the last item of clothing you bought?
Socks. Damn. You. Okay. I so have to go shopping.

40. When was the last time you were really sick?
Not including now?

41. Who’s the last celebrity you touched?
I am unclear on the concept of celebrity. Does it require body guards? Sorry. It is a Hollywood thing.

42. What’s in your back pocket?
Like I am wearing pockets. I am not even wearing pants you fool.

43. Who is the last person you took a picture with?
Bri, and that bastard better send more photos.


44. What is the last thing you drank?
Diet Coke. No, vodka! No, Diet Coke! No, vodka!

Hey, how come Diet Coke gets capitalized and vodka doesn’t?

45. Do you wear colored contacts?
Not at the moment but I have owned two shades of green and one of violet.

46. How do you get to school?
The internet Baby.

47. What were you doing at 4am this morning?
Please refer to what are you doing this weekend.

48. What do you usually do first in the morning?
Please refer to what are you doing this weekend?

49. Do you know anybody in the Army?
Please refer to what are you doing this weekend?

50. Who was the last person you went to the movies with?
Please refer to what are you doing this weekend?



44 Responses to miss r’s new survey

  1. I won’t be taking this survey.

    I am not worthy.

  2. “27. What would you say if I told you I was in love with your brother?
    I would say that penis might be a problem.”

    … Still LMAO!

  3. Brut

    Diet Coke gets capitalized and vodka doesn’t because you are smart.

  4. I’m almost embarrassed to ask, but —

    What’s wrong with your brother’s penis?

  5. You owned three contacts? Oh, of course! The violet one was for your third eye.

  6. This has nothing to do with your survey, but I saw this and thought of you…

  7. sulya

    One might get the impression that you spend the bulk of your life drinking Diet Coke and vodka, half-clad in front of your computer…

    Is it wrong that this makes me jealous as hell?

    Oh, and hey, I was going to comment on the gun in your face but every time I tried to click in the comment box I was taken here:

    Just so as ya’ know but maybe it’s just me…

  8. sulya

    This leaves the impression that you spend much of your life half-clad, in front of your computer drinking Diet Coke and vodka…

    Is it wrong that this makes me insanely jealous?

    Oh, and so as you know, I was trying to comment on the gun in your face and every time I got near the comment box I was taken to a wiki page about Richard Avedon….

  9. max

    Uh oh. WordPress is always erasing my closed brackets on links. I had better fix that.

  10. max

    Okay, that link issue is fixed.


    “This leaves the impression that you spend much of your life half-clad, in front of your computer drinking Diet Coke and vodka…”

    Well I cannot say that is a wrong impression.

  11. sulya

    I suppose “insanely envious” would be more accurate.

    “Jealous” sounds like I’m going to challenge your computer and beverage to some sort of duel for your affections… Though I feel fairly confident I could kick their collectively electronic and liquid ass – that wasn’t really the point.

    Anyway… I’m obviously tired and I’m going to go now before I dangle a modifier or end a sentence with a preposition of something equally horrifying….

  12. you ARE my heroine you realize that?

  13. max

    Oh. My. God. Vanessa.

    Tetris ice cubes!


  14. max

    Oh holy hell, it looks like the spam bot it sucking up my comments again. It got one of yours too Sulya. I fixed them but do not know if it will hold.

  15. sulya

    I think mine got sucked up because I had pasted a whole URL into it… When it didn’t post I feared the pink and salty menace had again claimed me too – but then it let me post the same basic post just without the URL.

    Get those crafty wordpress folks on the job pronto!

  16. duncan

    Exactly how to express this I can’t quite manage the words for, but it’s almost like you write in a way that reminds me of how you feel in person. Much respect and admiration.

  17. Max you were married?

  18. You get to sit in front of your computer half clad and…writing- right?

    I am SO envious of you.


  19. max

    Sometimes writing. Sometimes reading and reviewing. Sometimes studying films.

  20. sulya

    [see, now we all noticed the married thing. but only stilletto stepped up. it must be the heels]

  21. max

    Oh well it is not a secret but I do not talk about it a lot.

  22. -Sometimes writing. Sometimes reading and reviewing. Sometimes studying films-

    GEEEZZZEEEE- plus you get to live by the Ocean?

    Now that’s a life.


  23. sulya

    I used to joke that the only reason I would ever have a wedding was to raise money for a sofa. I was just pining for a real sofa to curl up on and watch movies or read a good book. Futons and I have never been friends.

    I do have a real sofa in my life now. I still haven’t had a wedding though and I think I’m a little less cynical about weddings in general. Though who knows… We could really use some new windows…


  24. max

    It was a great wedding. It was in Sils Maria, Switzerland, which is very small and outside St. Moritz. The church was small and had old old murals on the walls, hundreds of years old, and to get to it you had to walk or go by animal conveyance you could not drive cars up the road. The minister came over from Germany and he brought three little girls who played Greensleaves on their recorders. The little girls went kind of crazy on the rope that pulled the bell too which was very funny. And Anita will like this, there was a very small cemetary behind the church where all the original settlers were buried.

    It was a good day.

  25. “[see, now we all noticed the married thing. but only stilletto stepped up. it must be the heels]”

    Funny my clever girl!

    Max, your wedding sounds divine. But obviously, he wasn’t.

  26. [takes off her invisibility cloak]

  27. You’re right Max,I do love the cemetery you talked about. I’d have taken my wedding pictures out there in the cemetery.

    As it was, my brother ( who is an AMAZING photographer ) took our wedding shots on this old fashioned wooden fire escape- it was a formal wedding so we were all dressed up but it really worked.

    Plus I remember that May it rained every single day except for our Wedding Day.

    So yeah, it was a good day for us too- but Switzerland and murals on a chapel wall?

  28. max

    Well the photos are pretty funny. This friend of mine and her partner were stationed in Germany but on leave in Greece and drove up and her partner took all the photos but he had just gotten back from military duty and there was all this sand in his camera so all the photos have these sand scratches in them and —

    Most of the photos are outside the church and we all forgot to take off our sunglasses. So there we are all dressed up wearing sunglasses and war sand scratches all across the images.

  29. Are you kidding?
    Your photos would have my brother weeping to the Kodak Gods.
    I wanted to wear my bomber jacket in some of the shots- but I was voted down.

  30. max

    Anita. Nobody gets to vote you down on your wedding day. It is your day.

  31. sulya

    All of those rich details.

    The church. The graveyard. The bells. The sunglasses. The sand in the camera.

    They are these wonderful emblems of your gift and your passion even when dancing with a delicate, rarely shared and bittersweet memory.

    I mean, some people burn the photos, you know? Or cut faces out. Or lock the memories up for good…

    Thank you for sharing miss max.

  32. Max
    I was lucky that most of the time I didn’t get voted out of my own life
    Don’t worry, things are WAY different now

  33. sulya

    [yes -AM- if I understand things correctly everyone now knows that you “know exactly what to do with the body”… That would shape people up I’m thinkin’…]

  34. Oh yeah….it’s true like I said Missy Nice Guy hit the road about 20 years ago and what we have now is ‘Ms I can get to your major ateries in 5 seconds.’

    I’m way more confident now.
    I don’t get invited to a lot of social gatherings but what the hey.


  35. Ok, wo even without my invisibility cloak on, I have to assume you didn’t like the Tetrizz iceblocks?

    No worries mate…

  36. That would be “so”, not “wo”. Bloody Lindauer Fraise…

  37. max

    I love the tetris ice blocks, I said so, did my comment go missing? Wait, no, there it is:

    “Oh. My. God. Vanessa.

    “Tetris ice cubes!


  38. What the hell? That never showed up for me before now…

    Weird and spooky…

    I like the idea of soap and jelly and icecream…

  39. It probably was skipped in my comments dooverlacky.

    It even teaches you how to make the mould. If you were like, handy and stuff. Which I am not.

  40. max

    I am not sure I am inspired enough to actually makethe tretris cubes, but I am so glad to see them and know they exist having them is not even all that important.

  41. Agreed.

    Although if I came across a mould in a shop, I wouldn’t say no…

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