miss r surveys ride again
[Because when you are out of things to say, Miss R. always has a good survey just waiting to be found.]
You and Jesus go out to dinner — who pays?
Enough skating by on that “I paid for your sins” thing, Jesus, how about you pick up the tab for a change?
Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently?
Florida. Sorry, Florida, you guys have just dorked out one too many elections.
You wake up as the opposite gender what’s the one thing you wanna try?
What’s an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
I am going with serial murder and nose picking. Not necessarily in that order.
You’re sentenced to death and it’s the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
Juror Number Twelve.
What’s something most people do that you’ve never done?
Avoid cracks in sidewalks. It is a skill to hit every one of those babies too.
Right before you die where do you want to go?
Back to the end of the line.
Something you’d really like to do but probably won’t ever be able to do?
Spit in the eye of Hollywood.
A wild animal you’d like to have as a pet?
A drug you’ll never try?
You mean “try again”? Tuaca. Do not even tell me that stuff is an alcoholic beverage.
If you were an animal what would you be?
Silly Survey. I AM an animal.
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
There is a reason people do not know that.
Worst way to die?
Grossest injury you’ve ever seen?
I avoid gross injury, it is a life skill.
The worst injury you’ve ever had?
My pride, damn you.
What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
Oh I have seen the U.S. Let’s try something new. Like Rome.
What’s something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
The opposite sex. Probably I am wrong though. Probably if I knew everything about the opposite sex I would go lesbo in a flash.
What’s one phrase you absolutely detest?
“The glass is half full.” Spin that the next time a bartender serves you a ten dollar drink “half full” you fibbers.
What makes an awesome party?
Good company. Preferably naked male good company.
What’s your material obsession?
Silk. Ties. Any questions?
Favorite kind of dog?
Big dogs. With big fur and big paws and big grins.
Worst drunken habit?
Do not be silly, drinking is always better in a habit.
Its Saturday at 3 a.m. where are you?
Thanking Christ I am not watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
Worst job you’ve ever had?
Child slave laborer — in some segments of society coquettishly re-labeled “daughter.”
What’s something your friends make fun of you for?
Like anyone who has made fun of me is still alive.
What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever done?
I am not telling. I have this angelic rep to maintain.
Ever fallen out of love?
Yes. And he is still breathing too so what was up with that “I can’t live without you” sash?
What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
Mental or physical?
Have you ever dated someone you met online?
Have you ever dated/fooled around with a coworker?
Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
Of course, what, do I look like I am twelve here?
Would you tell your parents if you’re gay?
I do not even tell my parents I am straight why would I bring up gay?
Do you walk around the house naked?
Whose house? Mine or — wait can internet surveys be used as evidence in a court of law?
Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Only the spelling and grammar of others.
Why did your last relationship fail?
“Fail” is such a gentle word for dark forces of the universe colliding to rip my life asunder.
Are you afraid of commitment?
Only involuntary commitment.
What’s your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
It works for me. Sex without physical gratification now THAT is wrong.
Are you a jealous person?
Hey, were you just giving that other girl the eye?
Does it get annoying when somebody says they’ll call you, but doesn’t?
Did I want them to call? I mean, this can really fall into the relief category if you know what I mean.
If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in you, what would you do/say?
This is when I excuse myself to the restroom and crawl out the window right?
What would you rather be doing right now?
Oh do not sell yourself short this is the highlight of my day. Say where is the restroom again?
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
Humans or another species?
Can others make you cry easily?
Not if I make them cry first.
Who was the last person to piss you off?
Time Warner. All of those bastards.
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
What is this thing “sleep” you speak of?
What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
A big I.Q. and a REALLY big — um are my parents reading this?
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
I am thinking anyone who has spent that much intimate time with a needle is going in the “no” file.
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
If I trust him enough to lie regularly unconscious next to him I trust him enough to call him a best friend.