max's tragic party moment with the way too healthy people

 

I was invited to a party. It sounded fun. There would be wine. There would be socializing.

I don’t get out much. Wine and socializing works for me.

It was a product party. That was a surprise. But —

I am okay with that. I just thought it would be –

Products I actually am interested in.

 

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Me, I’m mostly interested in skin products. AKA Lotions. You can seriously sell me on lotions. Not creepy girl in a well lotions. But, you know, face stuff? That totally works for me.

 

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That’s not what this party was about.

 

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The party had at one time in the past been about lotions. The woman giving the speech regularly said, Hey you all were here at the lotions talk so let’s not bore you by repeating that again.

Um, I wasn’t at the lotion talk, I wouldn’t be bored by hearing that “again.”

 

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This meeting was, so it would not bore me, all about a four week cleansing binge.

We are talking an hour long talk from a woman reading points off a hand out about a four week cleansing binge.

 

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People got chocolate treats for asking questions.

Not apparently for asking skin lotion questions though. I asked five of those and never got a damn chocolate.

 

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A pregnant woman was there asking how she could cleanse binge.

A big discussion broke out on what she could eat or not eat and how she could cleanse binge.

 

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This was like the apocalypse to me.

 

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Where I come from, pregnant women eat and do whatever the fuck they want. That’s like the only joy pregnant women get. They can be tyrants.

 

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In this new world order, pregnant women binge and not in a fun way and can’t even use moisturizer without a doctor’s consent.

WTF?

 

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I am NEVER EVER getting pregnant.