max's revenge
Dear Aquarius With Cap Moon & Rising :
Today the printer and toilet and dvd player will fix themselves, the June royalty check will be five times what you expect, you will miraculously find a new lightbulb stashed under the sink — right next to the dishwashing soap you thought was under there too, your downstairs neighbor will visit with toggles, all the bad neighbors will move out, scripts will read themselves, the director will say she could not wait and accidentally cast and set up the script at a studio already she hopes you do not mind, Brian will send the Viper Room photos, and a Canadian you have a hot crush on will email you a serenade.
Also your butt will get perkier for no apparent reason.
You lucky bastard.
Love and Kisses,
The Stars
Max’s revenge totally trumps Susan’s revenge, right? Say right damn you I need to hear it.
25 Responses to max’s revenge
Oh it so toally trumps Susan’s.
Yay!
Max is my new astrologist, yay!
It not only trumps Susan’s — it blows her out of the universe.
Yay yay yay!
Max do mine next!
I mean yours is Spot On…so PLEASEPLEASEEEE do mine.
I promise never to make fun of astrology again I
promise…really.
Really
amm
What is your astrological sign Anita?
Scorpio- hey that can’t REALLY kick you out of a sign group can they?
Dear Scorpio :
Today your cat will catch a fireman and hide him under the porch. Your son will seduce his teacher. Your flowers will all bloom. And the rest of the zodiac will try to kick you out but you bite and they will fail.
Oh, also, try not to drown any orphans today.
Love and Kisses,
The Stars
The Amazing Max Shoots and Scores- I have no idea how you do this but I’m in awe of your gift.
Somebody needs to build a temple to you and if those little Orphans know what’s good- oh wait.
I’ll hold off on that one.
amm
I will do just about anything that is a good excuse to get into a sparkley costume.
Oh Little Orphans Auntie Anita wants to talk to you…..
amm
Uh oh. Time to drain the pool.
I am feeling slightly rejected here and sort of demand a Leo horoscope.
I deserve one. Even though we are ignoring she who shall not be named, the woman is on task.
Dear Leo :
You have seen better times. Like when your pants fit without a bungy cord. But you still have every man within five continent’s reach wrapped around your little finger and still have the cutest dog in the world. Damn. You.
The stars say you rock. But are going to pay for that food taunting. [Slut!]
Also, avoid new hair dressers. That is just asking for disaster.
Love and Kisses,
The Stars
[ps : the stars want to know where you got those cute little green ballerina slippers]
Okay, I’m Scorpio but am officially requesting a transfer to Leo, so I can have little green ballerina slippers.
Wait. Not too little, my feet aren’t little.
Dear Scorpio Coveting Little Green Ballerina Slippers:
The Stars say quit consorting with the enemy. Fresh!
Hey, could you please ask the Gods for some toilet paper? Not to be crude but I’m sitting here wiping with paper towels.
Well, not literally, as I don’t think I can get a laptop connection in the loo.
Dear Paper Product Deprived Cancer :
The Stars say you need to make a supply run soon and while you are at the store remember to pick up a big roll of masking tape — something about a cat and laundry?
[The Stars can be so obscure at times.]
Also The Stars say your abs look hot.
Love and Kisses,
The Stars
Abs? Really?
Max the stars are too late. I have to make a trip to the store. But I’ll treat myself to ice cream – chocolate –
Can you believe I haven’t started yet? I’ve been bitching for nothing.
Jeez, Stilletto, do not sass The Stars. Last time someone did that my keyboard blew up.
You called me a slut. I should be shattered and crying now, right?
That was not me that was The Stars.
Ah huh.
She called you a slut. I Heard It!
(I just felt like starting trouble early this morning).