max's good hostess checklist

Max’s Good Hostess Checklist:

1. Stock some sort of breakfast snack. In fact, stock some sort of food, period.
2. Capture the prehistoric bug in the bathroom I have an armistice with. “Here Godzilla! Here Godzilla! Come to Max! Pay no attention to the super sized Tupperware container I am hiding behind my back….”
3. Stock enough coffee beverages I will not have impulse to attack guest with sharp objects for cutting into Max coffee rations.
4. Dust off the real toothpaste. [Others apparently do not tolerate baking soda tooth shenanigans well. This was brought to my attention when one house guest screamed and started foaming at the mouth.]
5. Wash towels in laundry [and also washcloths]. Apparently linens growling and levitating are disturbing to guests.
6. Stock some primary beverage other than Diet Coke? [Surely not, who in their right mind does not rely on Diet Coke as a primary source of hydration?]
7. Bleach purple shampoo rings out of bathtub.
8. Check stored sheets and pillows for “air fresh” quality. [Wash if “air fresh” quality went south in 2012.]
9. Do dust bunny check. [Not everyone gives dust bunnies nicknames and cute outfits and stages wrestling matches.]
10. Double check refrigerator for mystery alien visitors. [Some people whimsically refer to those visitations as “vegetables gone bad” but I cannot be fooled, THOSE are alien life forms.]