max vs. barbie, cage match!



I got in an argument with someone on Twitter.

[Yeah, that never happens.]

The guy was being Creepy Guy [“methinks,” seriously?] and I told him he was being the creepy guy and he said —

“Not everyone has your Barbie Doll good looks!”


I have to give it to Creepy Guy, I was so cracked up and inspired here it is —



According to CBS News and to Galia Slayen — Galia Slayen actually did the math [I’m from the humanities and could not do that math, thank God you are here Galia!] —

“If Barbie were an actual woman, she would be 5’9″ tall, have a 39″ bust, an 18″ waist, 33″ hips and a size 3 shoe.” And —”

“She’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.”

Holy crap! I’m totally thinking cage match!

Let’s run it down.


The Barb clearly has way sexier measurements than I do. Pulling out the old measuring tape, I am bust 37, waist 26, hips 36. The Barb totally has me beat in sexy measurements.

[Disclosure, that chest measurement is not breasts, that is my Scottish forebears’ unusually large rib cage.]

But I’m thinking in a cage match between me and The Barb, that having to walk on all fours thing might be a real disadvantage. Sure, The Barb has me on the height thing, I’m only 5’ 6”, also, you know, if she’s taller, she’s probably got a better reach.

But doy.

She’s on all fours!


I’m so winning this cage match.


*In the total disclosure category, I think Galia is doing The Barb wrong on her feet. Maybe Galia has just never worn high heels and does not know toes and feet expand when you step out of that arched position. To me? The Barb looks like a size 8, Triple E.

*Also, I could still take her.

*A really egregious typo has been pointed out to me post posting this, um, yeah, my waist is not 36 inches, it is 26 inches. I’m not a tree yet ahhhh!


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