lizard on the doorstep
An unusually large lizard on the doorstep when opening the balcony door at night:
Rule #1: Block entry because once the lizard is inside, it is going to be hell to catch and put outside again.
Rule #2: If you have spent any formative years in alligator lizard country and are wearing only socks when facing off with a lizard on the doorstep and that lizard is six inches long and two to three inches in girth, Rule #1 changes to “give the lizard the immediate right of way” because any alligator lizard that BIG can sever a toe or Achilles tendon if you are unwary enough to stick your little sock clad foot in front of his face.
Rule #3: Rules #1 and #2 do no apply if you are actually facing off in the dark with an oak leaf of unusual size.
PS: In the dark oak leaves of unusual size totally look like ginormous lizards. Also there is a house key in there for scale you doubters.