letters from the ethos : the experiment begins


gothic roseDear Miss Adams….

Dear Max Adams :

I’m confused. As I’m sure others have pointed out [um, no] you have not one, but two men’s names. I’m inclined to believe you are, in fact, a woman, because of the title of your blog, and your user-name picture, but I have been fooled before.


Dear Fooled Before : This is what happens when you pick up young attractive women in the mens’ bathroom.

Dear Max:

I mean, yeah, Max for Maxine. So, that makes sense. But then, why shorten it? I guess it is sort of catchy. Max Adams.

Yeah. I like that. In fact, I might change my name to Max Adams. You don’t mind, do you?


Dear Name Usurper :

There can be only one.

ps : it is not maxine it is mikhaila max dannielle — freak

Dear : Max Adams, Ma’am. Just call me Max Adams.

I was just writing to inform you that a mutual friend from High school, Jimmy Joe, died. Conjunctivitis or toe rot or something.

See you at the funeral.

You bring the cake. I’ll bring the balloons.


Dear Conjuntivitis Toe Rott Guy : Nice try but Jimmy Joe is alive and well in Buenos Something Or Other in a witness protection program and I am not wearing that prom dress again so quit asking — freak.

Dear Max :

If you are reading this letter it’s because I have failed on my mission. I played it by the rules. I couldn’t pull it off and they made me almost immediately. I had to abort plan A and improvise. I quite literally had them by the balls. That’s when it happened. I realized, I was holding the father of my future children captive.


Dear Has Them By The Balls :

You and Fooled Again Guy need to stop groping attractive teenage girls in men’s rest rooms.

Deer Max,

I still have six pack and long goldy locks of hair….but yet no posts about me for months.

Does are love not still burn like a candle in the wind?

What gives?



p.s. If this is about that gay porno video I totally only did that for the money.


Nice try TJ. Fresh!


You too can write the blonde assassin
Send email to :
blonde_assassin at celluloidblonde dot com



where the art work comes from :
that is tainted love from arab queen

27 Responses to letters from the ethos : the experiment begins

  1. obviously i’m hanging out in the wrong mens’ rooms

  2. Dear Max,

    Please add the word “unwilling” to your advice to people to stop groping us attractive teenage girls in the men’s room.

    Seriously. Why do you think we’re in the men’s room in the first place?



  3. Micro letter! Very clever, Oh yeah that’s just genius…..

  4. Dear Max,
    I was undercover at the time. I did it for my country.

  5. Hehehe…these were funny as hell!

    Dear Max,

    I hope you and your umm…rowdy neighbors are getting along well these days. Hope nobody has been parking in your space and the managment has been treating you nicely.

    Take care,
    Former rent collector

  6. Rats – Tj beat me to it.

  7. max

    He is quick for a guy with only one paw.

  8. Wow, some seriously messed up people wrote you letters.

    Seriously messed up. I’d avoid them at all costs. They might be dangerous.

    Cake at a funeral? I mean. Balloons, yeah. But cake?


    What kind of cake? Because, I mean, yeah, Brooklyn Blackout cake. That’s fine. But Carrot cake? I can’t even think about it.

  9. Dear Max,
    Gummy Bear Porn XXX
    There…that ought to send the Googlers back here. I thought it was funny the way you tried to dump them all back at my place.

  10. max

    Oh. My. God. You did not just lob the porno gummy bears at me.

  11. Dear god,
    Forgive me, the “Googler War” is too good to be true! I pray I don’t loose any friends over it. I only wanted to write a letter to a hot blonde.


  12. Well at least I didn’t lick them first.
    Oh- jeeze did I just say that?

  13. ..on the floor…..visions of naked gummy bears stuck to forheads…..

  14. Anita stops running from Max and shouts,
    ” They’re all yours Jen…Bone Appetit!”

  15. Thanks Anita, I once won a watermelon seed spitting contest… a talent I did not know I possessed. I bet I could do wonders with naked gummy bears! Of course I would feel like such a boob if I missed a shot.

  16. Sorry, the only search word I left out was kitten…. I don’t know what came over me, merlot, sulfate free wine…. bad poison.

  17. max

    I will have you know I am not cleaning up all those licked on gummy bears and water melon seeds you girls get to it jeez what if company comes by.

  18. I’ve been aiming at your neighbors. Hopefully they will at least get one stuck to their shoe.

  19. max

    My neighbors do not deserve gummy bears that have been licked by Anita or water melon seeds that have been spit by you. The saliva of excellent women is too fine a gift for them.

  20. max

    [oh my god you know tomorrow there will be a search term for “saliva of excellent women” and i will know i did it to myself there gah!]

  21. Ouch Max,I laughed so hard, I think I shifted my chakras!
    Beware of what the search term brings….. I vow never to say the word “saliva” on my blog. OH jeez that was funny.

  22. max

    Oh you mock my pain.

  23. Dear Max:

    Your first letter reminds me of a dilemma I’m facing – well, it fucks with me mind a bit so maybe you can help me out. On the airplane I patiently waited for one of the bathrooms to clear and after a few minutes I hear a toilet flush and a woman finally vacates and lets me through and – well imagine my surprise to find the toilet seat up. It was up. Why would a woman flush the toilet and put the seat up?

    Or was it already up?

    But why flush the toilet?

    You know how you called Pumpkin a dog cat?

    You get my drift…


    TC, or Truly Confused.

  24. Saliva of excellent women? ROTFLMAO!

    “One part lavendar, one part mandrake root, two parts saliva of excellent woman.” Should you goof the last one and pinch some spit from an unsavory wench, your spell will reverse and kill you.

  25. Zach, ” mom, are you crying?”
    me, ” no, I am laughing”

    No mocking intended….but that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard,
    “saliva of excellent women” And Stilettos Spell !

    I can’t breathe… OMG

  26. max

    Say you have to actually send email everyone is writing letters now as posts.

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