letters from the ethos : telekinetics tuesday


Dear Blonde Assassin —

They’ve banned Fireworks in my home town again.

No fireworks means no risk of small fires.

That means no Firemen for my Insanity In Training Cat to attack.

I am so depressed.

Any suggestions?

Yours Truly

The Dark Invader



Dear Dark Invader :

You do not need fireworks to cause small fires.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin



Dear Blonde Assassin —

I’m considering eliminating an opponent for purely non-political reasons [said person cannot survive on wits alone] and I’d like some feedback on my choice of method.

I happen to have single–strand piano wire and one–inch birch dowel on hand, which would be suitable for an effective garrote, but I’m also slightly charmed by an old illustration of a number 9 spring–knacker bear trap fixed to a length of two–by–four, locked open and used as a club with the step–plate on the club’s sweet spot.

Or should I use a camper’s cable saw to relieve said person of the burden of their upper sensory complex and leave it on the sidewalk as a red herring for an imaginary psychopatic killer suspect?

Yours truly,




Dear FFE :

Chainsaws are fun for the whole family.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin



Dear Blonde Assassin —

How many angels would fit on the head of a pin? Does it matter if they’re naked? How much space could be saved if they all disrobed, leaving them bare, with sinewy muscles exposed to prying eyes, little beads of sweat dripping down the smalls of their backs, sensual rivulets flowing toward their perfectly shaped little buttocks and sensual legs…

Uh sorry. I got distracted there.

So, what’s your favorite flower?


Angel Perv



Dear Angel Perv :


Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin



Dear Blonde Assassin —

At what point does erotica become porn? Does it matter? Which is better?

And what’s with the braille on the Drive Thru ATM? That’s kind of scary to me.

Yours Anonymously,

Elle Beinaj



Dear Elle Beinaj :

Erotica becomes porn at 3 PM. That is happy hour you know.

Also Braille on an ATM is not so scary but those parking spaces marked with white curb paint are.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin



You too can write the blonde assassin
Send email to :
blonde_assassin at celluloidblonde dot com



where the art work comes from :
that is stamped mail by drewish

0 Responses to letters from the ethos : telekinetics tuesday

  1. Chainsaws
    and Flowers.
    This would make a great song.

  2. max

    I bet Warren Zevon could do something flashy with that group.

  3. I reckon the angels’ wings’d get in the way, nekkid or not.

    You’d need some of them battery angels for a good, snug pack.

  4. Re. Zevon. I agree, especially now that he’s dead.

  5. max

    Jeez, Frontier, way to go to the dark side.

  6. Warren would be proud of me . . . his hair was perfect . . .

  7. Pingback: Warren Zevon kicks Prince’s ass any day of the week . . . « Frontier Former Editor

  8. Sigh.

    I’m late to the party, I know, but this post, this post is just brilliant.

    I had to say that.

  9. max

    With comments like that you may be late to the party any time — besides that is just fashionable.

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