letters from the ethos : telekinetics tuesday

Dear Blonde Assassin —

They’ve banned Fireworks in my home town again.

No fireworks means no risk of small fires.

That means no Firemen for my Insanity In Training Cat to attack.

I am so depressed.

Any suggestions?

Yours Truly

The Dark Invader

 

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Dear Dark Invader :

You do not need fireworks to cause small fires.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

 

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Dear Blonde Assassin —

I’m considering eliminating an opponent for purely non-political reasons [said person cannot survive on wits alone] and I’d like some feedback on my choice of method.

I happen to have single–strand piano wire and one–inch birch dowel on hand, which would be suitable for an effective garrote, but I’m also slightly charmed by an old illustration of a number 9 spring–knacker bear trap fixed to a length of two–by–four, locked open and used as a club with the step–plate on the club’s sweet spot.

Or should I use a camper’s cable saw to relieve said person of the burden of their upper sensory complex and leave it on the sidewalk as a red herring for an imaginary psychopatic killer suspect?

Yours truly,

FFE

 

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Dear FFE :

Chainsaws are fun for the whole family.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

 

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Dear Blonde Assassin —

How many angels would fit on the head of a pin? Does it matter if they’re naked? How much space could be saved if they all disrobed, leaving them bare, with sinewy muscles exposed to prying eyes, little beads of sweat dripping down the smalls of their backs, sensual rivulets flowing toward their perfectly shaped little buttocks and sensual legs…

Uh sorry. I got distracted there.

So, what’s your favorite flower?

Anonymously,

Angel Perv

 

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Dear Angel Perv :

Orchids.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

 

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Dear Blonde Assassin —

At what point does erotica become porn? Does it matter? Which is better?

And what’s with the braille on the Drive Thru ATM? That’s kind of scary to me.

Yours Anonymously,

Elle Beinaj

 

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Dear Elle Beinaj :

Erotica becomes porn at 3 PM. That is happy hour you know.

Also Braille on an ATM is not so scary but those parking spaces marked with white curb paint are.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

 

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You too can write the blonde assassin
Send email to :
blonde_assassin at celluloidblonde dot com

 

where the art work comes from :
that is stamped mail by drewish