letters from the ethos : mongoose monday

Dear Blonde Assassin —

Isn’t the power of the Internet, that wonderful series of tubes [maybe copper….maybe PVC] an amazing thing? I came across you as you left a comment on a WordPress blog of which I follow quite regularly. Your comment was actually a response to my comment, which led me to follow your link and….well….here we are!

Naturally I looked around your site being certain to check the About page as I’m always curious as to what folks say about themselves. Some are so incredibly dull and unimaginative. I often wonder if it is worthwhile to even bother looking over the rest of their site, regardless of what it is, if their About page is boring. What could they possibly create of note or merit [or fun] if they cannot be imaginative about…..well….about their About page, right?

When I went to your Letters page I was expecting it to contain letters that had been sent to you. Imagine my surprise. But also imagine my joy to discover both a sense of humor and a directive for me to do something and with a veiled threat thrown in just for good measure. Joy and rapture. Yep. Joy and rapture.

But you know what sucks? The command to be funny. I think I’m funny. I think I have a great sense of humor. Other folks have even been so kind as to say such. But I find it difficult, nay, almost impossible to be funny on command. Even with such a threat as yours I can’t find it within me to be funny on my own. I’m not a stand-up sort of person. No. I need a partner in comedy. They can play the part of the straight man, if you will, or also be the funny person, but I need that other person or persons off of which to bounce and work my sense of humor. Otherwise I would be very happy to provide you with comedic relief, but as I have explained it is very unlikely under these circumstances.

So I guess it really isn’t your command to be funny that sucks, but it is I that sucks.

Shit.

Best regards,

Fork Boy

 

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Dear Fork Boy :

Do not quit your day job.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

 

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Dear Blonde Assassin —

I prolly would if I knew who the heck they were [1]. Plus you shouldn’t be so darn sensitive as I was only sharing my crazy brained thoughts [2] and I know you are not responsible for the trash spewed from the Hollywood monster but I needed to vent and now I have and I feel better, well I did til I got this [that would be the aforementioned affable humorous and nicer than you deserved post right?]. Anyhoo thought you wanted a letter [3] so quit bitchin and say thanks.

Cleonie Boyd

 

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Dear Cleonie Boyd :

Thanks.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

 

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[1] Pat Conroy and Larry McMurtry.

[2] With my name on them?

[3] Less caffeine, more pink pills.

 

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You too can write the blonde assassin
Send email to :
blonde_assassin at celluloidblonde dot com

 

where the art work comes from :
that is stamped mail by drewish