letters from the ethos : knights templar wednesday


mail boxDear Blonde Assassin —

It’s come to our attention after reading your new bio that you owe us back dues.

We are dispatching a courier to facilitate prompt payment.


The Knights Templar



Dear Knights Templar :

Stand in line you cheese hounds.

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin

[ps : the courier fell in the shower]



Dear Blonde Assassin —

Re : Friends of Max and Cow — The Fan Site

It has been close to two years since I first met Max and Cow. A meeting I remember fondly as I was overwhelmed by this video series of adventure, suspense and whole lotta mooing.

The first two videos were action packed and filled with nostalgic music that would make grandma get up and kick her heels. So naturally, in expectation of video three, I pressed those three important buttons “2” “0” “0” on my microwave oven and sat back patiently and let the popping built the mood.

Sitting back down in front of my screen, bag ‘o microwave popcorn in hand, I pressed PLAY.

No music. No fancy little flash antics. No mood. Thank fuck there was mooing!

Please, as a producer and star of such a high budget series like Max and Cow, do your fans at “Friends of Max and Cow” a favour and complete this series.

Nathanial Grizwaldden
Executive Director
Friends of Max and Cow



Dear Nathanial :

You just want to see me crying in my beer over flash frenzy, right?

Love and Kisses,

The Blonde Assassin



You too can write the blonde assassin
Send email to :
blonde_assassin at celluloidblonde dot com



where the art work comes from :
that is stamped mail by drewish

25 Responses to letters from the ethos : knights templar wednesday

  1. “Thank fuck there was mooing!”

    I shall have G. Eagle translate that into Latin and maybe the Knights Templar will make you a lovely heraldic crest if you pay up. Also: didn’t I warn you?!?!?!

  2. Dear Blonde Assassin:

    Boys have cooties.
    Don’t give those silly Knights a dime.

    I say we rub Anbesol on the rims of their wine goblets and watch the fun.

    The Dark Invader

  3. max

    Those knights templar are just frisky.

  4. Maybe it’s the Cooties.

  5. max

    This is how you rigged that low score on the evil quiz right? “Boys have cooties”?

    [what a whopper]

  6. max

    [ps : sorry, anita, my evil streak beat out ripley fed ex guys and diet coke]

  7. You’re funny Max, but I’ll make good on the Fedex Guy AT LEAST- I’d have posted that score the minute I saw it..but you waited.

    good move :-)


    ps they do have cooties.

  8. aj

    Flash frenzy always end up with tears and beer. It is only the order that varies.

  9. I wish I had a good joke about usury here. Sadly, I don’t…

  10. I too am a fan of Max and Cow. Dammit.

  11. aj

    You will have to look Nathanial up, Kit. Get some sort of petition going.

  12. Max and Cow has millions of fans. It would be easy.

    I don’t think Max has the cycles right now or I’d do it. (okay, I don’t have the cycles either).

  13. max

    Cycles? What is this a lunar thing?

  14. Max and Cow had certain arthouse charm to it. I thought Cows performance was a little forced, though.

  15. max

    Oh. My. God. Cow is a total diva you are taking your life in your hands saying that.

  16. Mmmm. I’d like to make a steak out of Cow.

  17. max

    Hey! Cow is a girl you do not make steaks out of girls you make steaks out of steer they are the boys.

  18. Oops! Sorry! Well, can I squeeze her tits then?

  19. max

    Say you have not spent much time on the farm, have you?

  20. I guess…country doesn’t count as farm, huh?

    Ok, no (she says sheepishly). I’ve never been to a farm!

  21. max

    Well, you can squeeze, but those cows have a mean left hoof.

  22. Oh forget it. I don’t go that way anyway. At least not sober.

  23. max

    The cow way or the girl way?


  24. Oh, I get lots of beef. Ok, I think we’ve milked this post for all its worth lol

  25. max

    “we’ve milked this post for all its worth”

    I am so putting the pun police back on speed dial.

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