i have so solved global warming


starfish hillOkay I have —

Totally solved this global warming sitch.


Global warming is happening because heat gets trapped by the atmosphere and bounced back at Earth and just keeps rolling around trapped in the atmosphere building up right?

Okay to stop this clearly we need a hole in the atmosphere to let the heat out. And doy, we already have a hole in the atmosphere. We just need to make it bigger. Yay!

[I am so smart.]

Everyone go out right now and purchase aerosol hairspray and use it a lot. Spray it on you. Spray it on strangers. Buy more and spray it on the mailman. Spray that aerosol can like it is perfume in a whorehouse. That will totally open up that hole in the atmosphere and whammo —

Problem solved.


[ha, rain so cannot pin that polar bear on me now]

[:::calculate your impact:::]


where the art work comes from :
that is starfish hill by liam jon d

more info on global warming :

32 Responses to i have so solved global warming

  1. What I figure is, there’s so much ozone already in the LA basin that what we really need is just a pipeline from there to the Antarctic.

  2. petecrow

    From the Wall Street Journal, Thursday, September 13 (this morning):

    “In the past six years, as climate change has steadily thawed the arctic, more recreational boats have crossed the [Northwest] passage than in the first 95 years since Roald Amundsen pioneered the route between 1903 and 1906. The hope, then and now, was to establish a trade route from the Atlantic to the Pacific. This summer, sailors … are breezing through the famously inhospitable 3,200-mile passage in weeks instead of years. And there’s barely an iceberg to photograph as a souvenir. … ‘What we’re seeing in 2007 appears to be unprecedented,” says Mr. Serreze [Mark Serreze, a senior research scientist with the National Snow and Ice Data Center]. This is the first time the passage has ever been entirely ice free.'”

    Well, well. Does this means that Canadian towns like Resolute, Cambridge Bay, Gjoa Haven and Nanisivik along the Northwest Passage are about to experience real estate booms? You bet. In fact, they already are.

    Can cruise ships, time shares and Rotary be far behind?

  3. brut

    I can see the waves lapping at the elbow of the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor. The torch a beacon of hope… at low tide. My friends bar on 12th street will be worth a fortune, business quadrupled with all the roller bladers stopping for a poutine at his beach front property along the new Village Boardwalk. Lower manhattan will be underwater, but i’m sure new yorkers, capatilists that we are, will rise to the occassion.

  4. brut

    … i really can spell, sometimes

  5. WOW

    That’s way more cost effective then my idea- I was going to say we should build space ships and send everyone to Mars.


  6. tj

    Mars would be fun.

    I say we just build a giant air conditioner or erect underwater cities and live like Cousteau wanted us to.

  7. acutally i’m thinking of buying a ranch and purchasing ten thousand head of cattle to emit a shitload (yeah yeah bad pun sue me) of methane gas. then i’m going to breed them with opposable hooves to operate the spray cans.

    you are a genius. it must be science day.

  8. max

    It is totally science day.

  9. californiablogging

    Your genius amazes me. I vote Max for president!

  10. All that hairspray will encourange a big hair revival.
    You are in so much trouble.

  11. max

    Oh you are in Texas already like there will be a difference in Texas?

  12. Sophia

    This is one of the funniest things I’ve heard in months. Bless you, I’m laughing like an hyena. Question: any kind of spray will do?

  13. Maybe there is an ozone hole about Texas from all the big haired ladies. We’ve had the coolest summer in years.

  14. max

    Any spray with fluorocarbons will do but I am for sticking with hairspray its time has come damn it.

  15. californiablogging

    I think the brand is called aqua death but I can’t be too sure.

  16. this is hilarious

    I like the idea…global destruction is taking too long, and I’m going to miss the ending

  17. can’t we just bomb the atmosphere and make a hole that way?
    that’s more exciting and suitable for the big screen.

  18. max

    Good God, do not say that within Bush’s hearing. I already worry he will misread that red “launch” button and try to order up a nice sammich sometime around noonish.

  19. Maybe we’ll bring back leg warmers too.

  20. max

    Didn’t they already do that? Leg warmers have been back over a year at least they are just out of different material now.

  21. They have been? Please provide link. I refuse to believe it!

  22. max

    I do not have any links on hand but last fall they were all over the runways.

  23. max

    Aha, I knew Grace would have a link:


  24. Spraying hairspray at mail persons, as you advocate, may sound well and good but we have sensitive bits like the rest of you. Please try and avoid the eyes. And while I’m here. If you are so good at science, can you answer me this. If the non-stick coating used in cookery is so brilliant, how come it sticks to the inside of pans?

  25. max

    Well that is love, Martyne. Everyone knows that. Non-stick coating loves meal that is why you cannot use metal utensils on it, that is a temptation that will lure some of that non-stick coating away.

  26. Platform shoes are back. Seriously though, haven’t they been back for some time?

    Jesus. Who are the people running the fashion industry and why are they telling us what to wear?

    Let me tell you about fashion. Straight men only like a few things – solid colors, form fitting clothes, and sexy shoes. It’s the gay men that love the fluff.

  27. PS Non stick coating is a device of the devil. Evil, evil. Hey, I just realized, devil has evil in it. lol

  28. max

    I have a pan that was my favorite pan that has a very suspicious looking non-stick surface I think is going south so now I am afraid to use the pan. That stuff is supposed to be pretty toxic when it gets in food isn’t it?

  29. Yes! Oh my god, throw it out immediately!

    My friend once bitched that his super lazy live-in girlfriend used to cook his meals in a similarly messed up pan. He says it is very poisonous.

  30. max

    Sigh. I loved that pan. It was my favorite.

  31. Have you considered an iron pan instead?

    Much better for you but don’t ask me – I’m Miss Carry-out.

  32. max

    I move too much to love grossly over heavy cookware. It is also a bitch to clean.

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