how to make friends and influence people


swanThere are guys —

Outside the window. They are yelling and being loud and unruly. It is hard to tell whether they are arguing or partying. But it is getting louder. I am getting surlier. It is way after 2 am. I stomp to the glass doors and open them. The guys are by two parked cars. There are six of them. They are very animated. I yell, Hey!

No dent.


It takes a three heys. Then they spin and look down the street. Look confused [there is no one down the street]. Look up.

I look down.

The guy looking up at me has that really happy drunk smile on his face guys get. He says, Oh I thought someone down the street wanted to fight I did not know a hot blonde was talking to me.

He is instantly forgiven.


where the art work comes from :
that is swan by queen’s lace

13 Responses to how to make friends and influence people

  1. Yeah, kinda hard to be mad at him after that…

  2. max

    I am criminally easy. [wow is that even a word?]

  3. I bet Idaho Senator Larry Craig wishes he’d been in that circumstance vs. in a public toilet at an International airport. “Hand gesture? What hand gesture?”

  4. no, criminally easy would be if you leapt off the balcony

  5. Goober

    I must remember this technique for the next time I loudly offend my neighbor…the hot brunette upstairs.

    I had no idea forgiveness could be purchased so cheaply with just a compliment yelled out in the street in my drunken stupor.

    This is a most valuable lesson. Thanks Max.

  6. Oh you should have invited him up..was he cute?

  7. max

    Hey from the second story I was a hot blonde. I was not risking closer inspection.

  8. petecrow

    Point of clarification. Ms. Adams is a “Hot Blonde” and always will be a “Hot Blonde”. Ms. Adams further qualifies as a “Babe” (classification 5’5″ and above) defined in National He-Man Loggers’ Convention, 1934 Rules (revised 1938 and 1951), paragraph 17.1. (a), sub paragraph ii (“west coast women”), 1951. In non-logger language, this simply means closer inspection is not a risk and Ms. Adams can invite this guy up without concern.

  9. californiablogging

    A Certified Hot Blonde! That’s great, I swear I just love it here. By the way drunks are known for blunting out the brutal truth.

  10. max

    Pete you are taking a cue from the guy in the street right? Funny guy.

  11. Hey do highlights fall under that sort of certification? Just wondering…

  12. max

    They must, bleach and foil does.

  13. petecrow

    Yes, they do. Refer to paragraph 19, (1964 revisions). The 1977 revisions to paragraph 19 were later dropped for reasons that are not clear, but it may have something to do with that blonde “tree-hugger” (their characterization of her, not mine) who spiked seventeen trees in Oregon in 1997.

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