guys are so about guys

kate mossThe talk started in Kate Moss Days
Celebrity cleavage comparison talk.

I thought it was funny.

Plus they gave me Kate Moss who I think is beautiful.

[Yes that is her picture up there.]

That really worked for me.

[I am vain I will not put up a quiz unless I look good in it.]

And then it went bad.

Real bad.


It started with Tommy T.

Tommy said guys like breasts.

Any breasts.

Which was, um, kind of chivalrous.


Firm went serious and chivalrous [and Firm is never serious] : guys like short girls too.


In some weird alternative universe they were consoling me.

For being 5’6″ and an A cup.

Oh calamity.


Despite diminuitive height.

Despite diminuitive breast size.

I. Am. Still. Attractive. To. Guys.




Guys are so about guys.


This one is not about guys.

This one is about the girls.

Girls like to impress each other.

Girls like to dress up for each other.

Girls like to show off to each other.

And girls have been doing each other’s hair at slumber parties for centuries —

With no guys there.


Sometimes it is about girls.


Except for that leg waxing thing.

That is totally about you.

58 Responses to guys are so about guys

  1. I don’t even know what to say, except –
    Coffee! Be back later to keep up with this one!

  2. The only thing worse then having someone slap a ‘what are you worth’ tag on your backside is not having one at all…you know being de-valued.

    When I was about 13 ( that was in 1978 or so ) some girls and a few guys cornered me after school and cut my face up.

    They said it was because I was ” dog ugly ”

    I took the hint- the last time I really agreed to be in a pictures was back in 1990 when I got married- and a couple of other times when I was at functions and didn’t run away from the camera fast enough.

    I still don’t take pictures- I don’t allow mirrors in my house ( except for the one in the bathroom )

    The scars are gone but they’re NOT you know?

    I’ll fess up though- if I could look like anyone it would Joan Jett- she’s the Ultimate Gal.

    Then I wouldn’t mind having my picture taken- probably I wouldn’t mind being me either.


  3. I was being chivalrous?


    I was just being honest. (Probably a tragic mistake.)

    I’ll turn around one of the things I said earlier. If the women you’re hanging around with aren’t willing to accept you for what you are, do you really want to hang out with them? It strikes me as “time to look for some new friends.”

    People of either gender who aren’t going to take the time to get to know more about someone than what they can see in a bikini shot, probably aren’t worth your time in the long run. For everyone else, just envision them doing something really stupid. Watching celebrities lately should prove that small waistlines and perky boobs aren’t incongruent with stupid behavior.

  4. Oh yeah, that’s envy just short of pumelled self esteem. And then the high of adoration of one our own. It’s a a bitter sweet ride to be sure.
    Ah poetry, to be 5’6, oooo la la an A cup, talk about wearing the boyfriends Tee Shirt. Just as sexy in Grunge as in Haute Cuture. Attracting Rock Star boyfriends. Getting Millions and Millions for looking good, and putting up with it all. Even to be compared with that in a quiz must heal something from the slumber party wounds of inadequacy.

    Anita, your scars can heal true they make come back once a year to be healed. You might really good at it one day. It’s weird how girls can be there to tear you apart and girls can be there to help put you back together. If your inner beauty is Joan Jett that’s Apples and Oranges with Kate Moss.

    Girls Rock!

  5. There is absolutely nothing wrong with 5’6″ and an A cup. Then again, every guy has his thing. Some guys want tall blondes, some want anything with a DD. I like a woman who stays fit, and has a sharp wit (a nice ass doesn’t hurt either :) Kate Moss rocks!

  6. The guys crashed the sleepover, huh?

    I hate hearing that happened to you, Anita Marie.

  7. Anita Marie, I can’t even read beyond your comment right now. That is so…oh my, there are no words. Was this a…racism thing?

    If it’s worth anything, you seem like a positive person and a sweet girl [horror stories aside]. At least that’s the impression I get. You don’t seem as though you’ve let it effect your outlook on life but what do I know? Anyway, I’m really shocked and sorry about what you went through.

  8. I’ve often heard that women dress to impress other women but I can’t relate. However, dressing to piss other women, that’s a different story lol

    Ain’t nothing wrong with 5’6, girl. In my opinion, that ain’t short! But I get your point. Guys think it is all about them but in a way you can’t blame them because look at all the covers pimpin’ out images of unattainable women in an attempt to sell their magazine. Plus you have magazines like Cosmo (which I actually dislike) advertising different ways to please men sexually, how to light his fire, what to cook to get him turned on, blah blah blah…so yes, men think it’s all about them. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m sort of an all about ME girl so I’ll just skip on over to Oxygen and Self and spend my money there.

  9. Max- I wasn’t trying to console you at all. There’s nothing wrong with the way you look. Nothing at all. You’re hot, accept it.

    I also wasn’t coming from the, “it’s all about the guys” angle either. Besides, if men really had that much of an influence on the way women dress, they would all be naked.

    My point was this…

    Yes, guys enjoy breasts, but there’s no reason to over analyze it. Each guy has a personal preference, but all guys have the nipples and access thing in common. There’s no need to worry about too big or too small or whatever because it really doesn’t matter.

  10. max

    That is why you are not afraid of monsters in closets Anita. You have seen the monsters that walk in daylight. I am so sorry. I wish you had not.

    Stilletto, you are way more honest than what I stuck up there. “It’s not about guys. It’s not about girls. It’s about me!” That cracks me up. And is way truer than most people will say.

    Firm, yeah, you were being chivalrous. Irony.

    Kitty, yes the guys so crashed the sleepover.

    All this stuff is so roiled up, it is about me, it is about you, it is about them, it is about us —

    I just get tired sometimes when everything comes back “that is okay guys still think you are pretty.”

    But I say it too. All the time.

    But when I say it, it is funny, damn it.

  11. max

    Tommy, I understand what you are saying. But you are still viewing this from the perspective of whether or not guys will like those breasts. Women obsess about their breasts for reasons that have nothing to do with guys or whether guys will like them.

  12. Chivalry. Wow… there’s a first time for everything! We should talk to someone at the irony board.

  13. max

    Oh well probably the real irony is I am not even sure I like that post. I was trying to make it do something and it was being real uncooperative and I think it is too long and keeping what it was saying together and making that format work, hmm.

  14. I’m sort of writing it off to being one of those things that “guys just don’t get,” because the more I read your responses to comments, the more I sense that kind of frustration. Such is life. There are all sorts of guy things that girls don’t get, so I suppose fair is fair.

    Dang it… another serious comment! I need more coffee.

  15. max

    Oh. My. God. Another serious comment?

    Firm, are you okay? Can I get you a sandwich or something? You look pale.

  16. It was a serious coffee deficiency. Problem solved. Thank you, Ethiopia and Mr Coffee. (I was going to make tea, but my tea brewing machine keeps mumbling “I pity the fool.”)

  17. max

    Oh. Whew. I thought it was the end of the space time contiuum or something.

  18. Actually, I’ve been to the end of the space time continuum, and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. One of Einstein’s relatives trashed the place left a bunch of old theories laying around.

    However, the coffee there is outrageous. I recommend the macchiato, served by a hideous, 6 ft-tall woman with large breasts and wooden teeth (she varnishes them after every meal).

  19. My first fiancee used to always say that if it’s more than a handful it’s too much or something about a martini glass or the dreaded pencil drop test…………… I can’t remember where it was but I read something about the personality of ” boob men” “leg men” and “butt men” In the end genetics screws us all. What are you supposed to do if you want a leg man and you don’t have the gams?

    Max, don’t waste one moment feeling like you need to be consoled. It’s a lie. It’s when we transend the physical that we get what we really want from one another.

  20. max

    Oh I know that. People used to pay to take my photo they do not do that if you need to be consoled.

    You know when this all changes is when people have children. Or I am guessing it would. Or should.

    Jennifer, do you date? That seems like it would be hard to do.

  21. tj

    Very nice post, Max.

  22. If you mean, do I go to fancy restaraunts and cheap hotels with a man I never intend to marry, then yes, I date. I am not pretty, skinny, sexy nor am I truly available. I’ve been known to have to cancel as I was just about to walk out the door. I usually won’t be more than twenty minutes away from Zachary. It’s tragic, but I am usually more desperate to figure out how to keep a job around Zach’s needs than how to keep a man in this situation. Trust me, I usually work for scum on bullshit jobs. But I won’t date that. Neither works out for me for me really.
    I will want to fucking die if you pity me so please don’t.
    I am inadequate in every area that I need to be strong to succeed in my situation. So this is all I can do and I am consistent with it. I stay with Zachary when he needs me and I show up when I can anywhere else. Occcasionally, I find a good man that is cool with that.

  23. Yeah, don’t sweat it. I find that the less you care, the less others care, too, about this stuff. (Although I know that wasn’t your point).

    Never let…them see you sweat!

    (Unless it’s at the gym, of course)!

  24. max

    I did not get the pity gene Jen. Also it is not tragic. Zach made it to the store, all the way, with no chair the other day. And he did the robot. I cannot pity victory.

  25. Firm, you are very funny tonight. You make me smile!

  26. Ah, the no pity gene, my new criteria in people selection. Max, a person can’t rate any higher in my book than one who sees the robot as victory!

    ALso, Stiletto, Thanks for what you said about kids the other day just as I signed off. Very sweet.

  27. max

    Empathy, that I have got. Pity? Pity just smacks of condescension.

  28. Without empathy, you couldn’t be the modern day patron saint of animals, like you are. You wouldn’t be able to see victory in a walk to the book store.

  29. Beauty, especially our perception of our own beauty ,is far more about negotiating identity then is commoditizing ourselves for others. While I enjoy the approval that being lean and muscular garners, it’s not why I work out.

    On a fairly deep level I’ve come to associate AJness with being wide shoulder and rock biceped… the ideal appeals to me personality and my sense of the heroic ideal. Is it vain? Absolutely. But it’s for my gratification, and my sense of self…not an attempt to please the aesthic considerations of others.

    I imagine it’s the same way for a lot of women. Their displays of femininity and sexuality are about projecting an air that makes them feel engaged and self assured, without the need for some mercenary agenda.

  30. max

    Rock biceped so works for me. [irony]

    Does this mean I can recall the Saint Bernards?

  31. I think Valliant just explained the miracle of my dating life. LOL

  32. I don’t believe in abs of steel. I believe in buns of cinnamon.

    Do you people ever sleep?

  33. max

    Sleep is for the weak.

  34. That makes sense. Sleep is my weakness… otherwise, I’d be a superhero.

  35. max

    LOL! Do not sugar coat it or anything Stilletto.

  36. Well, she’s right. The reason I dream of being a superhero is because I’m too busy sleeping.

  37. I had some cinnamon toast Sunday morning, Firm. About half a loaf, just for you. Aren’t you glad I took in all those calories so you didn’t have to?

    Now that’s a superhero.

  38. Wow… that’s like falling on a grenade!

    Put a bunch of lunchmeat on all that bread, along with some cheese, mayo, mustard…

    That’s a super hero!

  39. max

    Oh no. Firm has gone over to the dark side and is punning again.

  40. You could always sue for punitive damage!

  41. Stiletto- HA! That was pun-tastic!

  42. It’s the sushi I had for dinner, Tommy. Makes me speak Jap pun nese!

  43. Can you write Jap pun nese too?

    I’d be really impressed if you did because all of those characters take really good pun-manship to get right.

  44. Listen, we’d better stop. I think we punished Max enough lol

  45. You’re right, I’ll stop now. I wouldn’t want Max to think that we were pun-spiring against her.

    Sorry Max.

  46. max

    You are all bad kids I am calling your parents right now.

  47. Quick! Hide the wire hangers.

    (BTW, WordPress just said I was posting comments too fast and to slow down)!

  48. HA! Think of something I would normally say in this situation and then imagine that I wrote it here.

  49. I’m afraid to go there. What if I’m right?

  50. If you’re right, you might be left


  51. max

    I am looking at you all and not one of you looks contrite. You are frollicking. Jeez.

  52. Frolick? I think not. A body this size cannot be said to be frolicking.

    Stumbling helplessly about, vainly trying to look coordinated? Yes. Frolicking? No.

  53. max

    Oh. That is what Republicans call dancing, right?

  54. I heard a Baptist preacher the other day say “Some people ask me if Baptists can dance. I told them, based on my experience, some can, and some just shouldn’t even try.”

    I fall into the second category.

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