french tips
I was working in this rot gut club in Houston Texas and there was this white water rafting trip I read about and I said I was going. Hoping, sort of, someone, anyone I actually knew, would go with.
And people laughed at me.
Laughed. At. Me.
I said, Why are you laughing?
And a guy said, Well Max, look at you.
And I said, What?
And he said, Max, you have French tips.
Like that was valid.
And I said, Well fuck you guys, I am going by my own self then.
[I swore a lot back then.]
[Okay I still swear a lot.]
They did not believe me.
But my bisexually confused but generally up for a good time friend Melissa said, Max if you are really going, I will go with. So we loaded up on camping gear and her sixty year old [male sugar daddy] lover gave us firearms he insisted we take because white water rafting was “the wilds” and off we went.
It rained pretty hard on the Rio Grande that weekend. The waters rose so fast we had to get up at 1 am to move the tent waters were coming up the banks that fast they were going to drag the tent and anyone in it into the river and we had already moved it once. Fish were out cold floating bottom up they were coming over a dam somewhere far away hard enough to knock them out cold. And dam people had to open the dam some just to release pressure to stop it breaking. Which was more water.
And we rafted.
And that river roared.
We rescued five rafts that wrapped on rocks. And one kayaker.
Nobody at the bar laughed at me after that trip.
I guess that flood we rafted made the news.
where the art work comes from :
that is mer02 by ian sanderson
38 Responses to french tips
Wow, that river roaring sounds scary to me.
I bet they never gave you a raft of %$#! for that.
Way to go Max- if you’re going to take your life into your own hands there’s nothing wrong with taking some pride in yourself-and saving a life with manicured nails? Lady- that’s living with STYLE.
before I’d go dirt bike riding I used to get my haircut- and not some trim job, I’d go to a place called Rock Kutz and for the full deal.
Then I’d go up into the hills and ride my dirt bike up and down hills with no trails- me and my cool haircut and my nineteen inch waist- plus while I was out there I’d race-
and sometimes I’d win.
Ha.
amm
“…and my nineteen inch waist”
Anita, I hate you.
Max kicks ass!
Love the best friend bisexual sugar daddy bit too lol
Firm wants a nineteen inch waist?
…And Melissa turned gay right after cuz she realized she didn’t need no man to make her feel protected!
I didn’t say I wanted mine to be 19″ ;)
When the big earth quake hits come and find us.
Whitewater rafting with French tips, hot.
Though this story would have been more awesome-r if you’d gotten stranded and eaten the sugar daddy for survival, if he’d come along that is.
Jennifer, when the big earthquake hits, we’re going to raft into another world, into the Land of the Lost.
And me, I’m totally gonna mate with Enik, the coolest of the Sleestaks.
I can not breathe! ” sleestaks” Hilarious!
Ms. Pants, I had successfully purged Sleestaks from my mind. Now I have the “Land of the Lost” theme song running in my head.
I hope you’re happy.
Marshall, Will, & Holly… on a routine expedition….
Hey Firm-
Now Days my waist is a respectable 28 inches…can we be friends again :-)?
amm
Dude, I think my ankle is 28 inches. I’m sending sammiches, stat.
“Though this story would have been more awesome-r if you’d gotten stranded and eaten the sugar daddy for survival, if he’d come along that is.”
That is very funny I will remember that in the rewrite. He would never have come with. It was not his thing.
“Love the best friend bisexual sugar daddy bit too lol”
I thought of you when I put that in Stil.
Michele, rafting rocks and is not scary it is very fun. The kayaking is scary to me. I do not want to be strapped into something I want to be able to kick free if something goes wrong.
I’m with Ms. Pants on this one. I’m pretty sure the last time my waist was in that range, my pencils were larger, my penis was smaller, and the maturity of my jokes was almost exactly the same.
Hmmm… after re-reading this for spelling/grammar/pun errors, it occurs to me that while I may be “with Ms. Pants on this one,” she may not feel the same association.
If you’re lucky, I’ll feel on that association, babe. ;-p
Heh. Substitute “ass” for “penis” and we’re pretty much on par. I’ve always been stacked.
Hmmm… sadly, I don’t think “stacked” is the word someone would use when looking at my penis. They might say “that’s so sad”
And if you start punning… then I’ll really worry.
Hey. No self emasculation in the sparkley white water raft convo. If this is going to turn to penis chat I want to see proud men talking about proud penises.
Wait. What am I saying?
This is not penis chat. Damn. It.
“Hi, and welcome to Penis Chat.
Today, we’re joined by Alexyss Tylor, who will explain to us the mystical effects of ‘penis power,’ and the sad effects of ‘penis addiction.’
Later, we’ll be joined by a representative of Long John Silvers, who will debunk the myth that the founder of the restaurant chain was blessed with a penis of historic proportions.
Finally, we’ll look into the mysterious case of the plastic surgeon, who specialized in “male enhancement surgery,” but died when he hung himself. Rumor had it that it was his father’s idea.”
“Penis” just sounds small, ya know? “Schlong” sounds like a friggin garden hose. Whomever decided on the word “penis” was in an ill temper that day, I think.
You have both so gone over to the dark side.
Why is it that when I see “schlong,” I think garden hose too, but feel the twinge of pain of having to roll it up on one of those reel mechanisms?
This is starting to explain why the flowers haven’t been doing so well.
By the by, Max. When was this and what was the name of said rot-gut club?
I reserve the right to not name some of the more colorful establishments I have worked in.
Not even via email? Knowing Houston, they don’t exist anymore anyway. This town eats bars like candy.
No way. Some demons are best left unnamed.
All that’s missing from this conversation is the acrid stench of clearasil and cigarette smoke- but I’m enjoying it all the same.
amm
Sleestacks!
Rolled up garden hose wanks.
Oh man, I’m cracked up here.
Sleestacks?
I used to love that show!
“Marshall, Will, and Holly…”
I once got cross at someone and called them a sleestack. They just turned sort of green…
http://appl003.ocs.lsu.edu/paws005.nsf/$ImageFiles/dbecker/$FILE/sleestack.GIF
Reading all of the comments above, I think Max needs to get back on her raft and rescue this thread!
“Love the best friend bisexual sugar daddy bit too lol”
I thought of you when I put that in Stil.
Um – oK lol
“Michele, rafting rocks and is not scary it is very fun. The kayaking is scary to me. I do not want to be strapped into something I want to be able to kick free if something goes wrong.”
A friend once summed up kayaking as being in an underwater tomb (that is, when it flips)!
PS. Shlong is such a vile word.
All of a sudden I am in the mood to watch Boogie Nights.
Because of the [much] older lover thing. I figured that would catch your eye.
Oh yes it did but wearing glasses helps, too.