exploding birds




So Anita Marie and I are having this convo —

[That means flash chatting on her blog and if you do not know what that means you are on your own internet ignoramuses.]

And it starts with “stupid urban legends people ask me about.”

[Not me. Anita. You people never ask me fun questions like this — damn you.]

One questions is, Do birds who eat wedding rice explode?

Anita says, Of course not you dingbats, birds do not have boiling water in their stomachs and if rice exploded them bird seed would too.

[Dingbat urban legend people.]

I am traumatized Anita would even tell dingbat urban legend people that though because listen, exploding doves at weddings is too good an urban legend to pass up.

I say, Do not debunk that one it is too good.

And Anita says, Okay, just for you.

[Anita is like that. Even though I am trying to steal away her cat Insanity Jones with promises of unruly neighbors and unwary fireman sacrifices Anita is a giver.]

And then she finds and posts —




where the art work comes from :
that is dove in a córdoba’s square by Adorna2007

[also it is a bit altered please do not get riled Adorna]

28 Responses to exploding birds

  1. Oh Max.
    You are so funny.
    Wait till you see what I do next.

  2. max

    Oh wow. There is a next? That is pretty daring, I am trying to think how you top exploding wedding birds but it is you so I know you can.

  3. max

    [ps : do you know every single body in the uk and also other continents like every continent except here does not know the difference between “pigeon” and “dove” — i am not kidding — freaks.]

  4. I passed by a church in Paris just as the wedding party was coming out. They threw loads of bright colored confetti and it looked so beautiful on the brides white dress.

  5. Pingback: Message To Max « Irregular Bones

  6. I have never seen flash chatting, but I can guess what that is. Am I still an ignoramus?

    You are bad… sending me over to Anita Marie’s blog like that. I don’t need any more tools for procrastination. And I see she has a whole section devoted to Bruce Campbell, so I might as well clear my social calendar for the next few days and catch up.

    I am jealous of your blog functionality. And Anita Marie’s. I have “generic blogspot” blog like 5 gazillion other people. I am a lagging blogger. A late–bloomer on the scene. I am unhip to the shiznit.

    I’ll have to have my people look into this wordpress thing. But first, I need to get me some people.

    How come just pigeons explode and not other birds? Would a penguin explode if you fed it rice? What about an emu?

  7. Pingback: Exploding Birds « Write Field

  8. BTW – I’ve been “tagged” by a blogger. This has never happened to me before. I feel like the outcast in high school that someone invited to a party! OHMYGOD what do I wear?

    I’m supposed to pass this “meme” (although I am suspect that it qualifies as one, but i’ll play along) on to 8 people. Very few of my friends actually blog. They do other type things, I suppose. I’m not sure what. I think one goes to an office somewhere.

    Does anyone want to play? I’ll be your date some time when you need one, I promise.

    (it’s like chain letters for bloggers, isn’t it? Gad… or it could be a “community building” thang)

  9. max

    Yes, tags are chain letters for bloggers. They also build community but they are sort of a pain so you have to be like a spammer and just tag people, you cannot ask if they will play they will all say no.

  10. You see? I’ve been living in Canada too long. “Excuse me, please, may I tag you?”

    Have you heard this one?

    How do you get 150 Canadians out of a swimming pool?

    (Would everyone please step out of the pool?)

    TAG – – you’re it!
    see for the rules

  11. while I have no knowledge whatever of rice, reliable sources (i would never do this of course being a person of sterling virtue) tell me that if you pitch a seagull an alka seltzer the ensuing feather storm is spectacular.

  12. max

    Hoo boy. Okay. This could require brain cells that are not functioning today but I will work on it.

  13. max

    [um, the tag, not the seagulls — seagulls will do tricks for triscuits by the way]

  14. i was wondering exactly how much thought was required to snatch some alkaseltzer out of the medicine cabinet, and then find a seafaring flying rat

  15. max

    Seagulls are not flying rats you, you, you seagull maligner.

  16. i’ve never had sex with a seagull n my life…you take that back.

  17. max

    Sure you say that but YouTube says different.

  18. Wow…all this talk about Gummy Bear Porn and Exploding Birds and Underwear has made a few of Max’s guests a little frisky…aye?


  19. max

    They all look like pelicans in the bar, Criminy.

  20. …but have an incredibly ostrich like appearance when viewed through the halff closed eye of a hungover pub crawler the next morning

  21. max

    That is exactly what Mother Superior said. Wow. You could be twins.

  22. Max
    You owe Criminy a beer.

  23. max

    I owe many men many things. Not many of them are quick enough to collect though.

  24. i am quicker than a whipporwill’s …um….bottom in a hail storm…give me my brew

  25. max

    Not quick enough, Monkey Boy.


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