exorcising the dog : part iii


dog window





Excorcising the Dog
an unusually short play
by yours truly





The Players : Madison Cartwright: Madison speaks with a Southern drawl. Her bawdy attire, slow colloquial speech, and winsome smile mask an acute perception. She’s about twenty-nine.

Phillip Smith: Phillip is a rookie attorney dressed appropriately in a suit and tie. He considers Madison a bawdy con-artist and treats her accordingly. Madison is brighter than he is, something he’s vaguely aware of, but unwilling to acknowledge — this makes him prone to outbursts, which he attempts to control for George’s benefit.

George Davies: George is also an attorney, albeit an older, wiser attorney. Somewhat stocky, and very calm, he takes the ensuing conversation in stride — investigations are a matter of form for him. Unlike Phillip, George is careful.

The Set : The players sit at a wooden conference table. They may have cups of coffee or tea. A tape recorder sits on the table, recording the conversation for the attorneys’ benefit.

part iii : my dogs have all their shots

George: Who explained to you that Fred exorcised — performed an exorcism, on the woman in the park?

Madison: That would have been the Senator.

George: The Senator.

Madison: The lady’s husband. You know. Senator —

George: Yes, I know the Senator.

Madison: So you see, I didn’t say Fred had exorcised anybody. I just said this sick lady in the park started floating around, and Fred barked at her a few times, and she came down.

Phillip: And word just leaked out?

Madison: Well I guess it must have, because the calls started coming. First there was that lady with the little kid — the one with the long tongue. Then there was that man in San Francisco.

George: What seemed to be wrong with the man in San Francisco?

Madison: Well, I don’t rightly know, but the people on the phone were all fired up, so Fred and I went on out. We took Booker, of course —

Phillip: Booker?

Madison: That’s my other dog. Booker.

Phillip: Does Booker perform exorcisms as well?

Madison: Certainly not. Why Booker took one look at that woman in the park and wanted nothing to do with her. Booker is a very fastidious dog. He doesn’t like to get dirty.

George: Was there any particular reason you took Booker with you?

Madison: Well what do you expect me to do? Leave Booker all alone at home while Fred and I go off to San Francisco? Of course we took Booker.

George: What does Booker do, while you and Fred are performing exorcisms?

Madison: Now look, I never said I perform exorcisms. Fred just barks at people. Once in a while he licks them — usually the children.

George: What does Booker do while Fred is barking at people and licking children?

Madison: He just waits downstairs with whoever called — usually the family, but sometimes it’s just friends wanting to help out. Booker is a very outgoing dog. He likes people — but he doesn’t much care for people who fly and spit green stuff.

George: How many dogs do you have, Miss Cartwright?

Madison: Just Booker and Fred.

George: Would you say they’re ordinary dogs?

Madison: I love my dogs Mr. Davies. I wouldn’t call them ordinary.

George: But would you say there is anything unusual about your dogs?

Madison: Nothing strange, if that’s what you mean. Four feet, a tail, all the right stuff if you’re a dog.

Phillip: Are your dogs licensed, Miss Cartwright?

Madison: Well, I used to be kind of lax about that. But when all this hoopla started, I took them right down and got them registered.

Phillip: And when was that?

Madison: Right about the time you folks started nosing around. [Staring hard at Phillip.] They’ve got all their shots too.


to be continued….


exorcising the dog : part i
exorcising the dog : part ii
exorcising the dog : part iii
exorcising the dog : part iv

7 Responses to exorcising the dog : part iii

  1. He licks the children…. I love him.

  2. Wow she is really afraid they’re going to be put to sleep.

  3. max

    Madison? Nah. She is not afraid of some dumb old lawyers. She is warning them they are going to have a real hard time taking her down if they try.

  4. Well, not afraid, but, is she thinking they want to try that?

  5. When I was a kid I had this beautiful Alaskan Malemute named Sham and my dad’s cousin wanted to show him- and I said no.

    In fact I cried at the thought of my dog going away so they dropped it.

    Then they wanted to use him to Sire Pups and I thought that was cool until I found out I couldn’t even have ONE of the puppies.

    They said I could have money instead and I’m sorry but when you’re 12 and not used to having money who cares?

    Well, I could tell they were going to take Sham off somewhere so I padlocked his collar shut and I padlocked his chain ( which was clipped to a run ) to a post and I gave my Mom the key and BOY were my Dad and his cousin MAD.

    Madison Rules.

  6. max

    Well yeah she is telling them she knew they would look for weak spots and she covered them already so do not even try it.

  7. hmmmmmm…one of the quirks of random blonde is you get part III before part I and II

    yeah…i knew there would be the links, but it kind of defeats the purpose of the random blonde experience, now, doesn’t it?

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