excorcising the dog : part i


dog window





Excorcising the Dog
an unusually short play
by yours truly





The Players : Madison Cartwright: Madison speaks with a Southern drawl. Her bawdy attire, slow colloquial speech, and winsome smile mask an acute perception. She’s about twenty-nine.

Phillip Smith: Phillip is a rookie attorney dressed appropriately in a suit and tie. He considers Madison a bawdy con-artist and treats her accordingly. Madison is brighter than he is, something he’s vaguely aware of, but unwilling to acknowledge — this makes him prone to outbursts, which he attempts to control for George’s benefit.

George Davies: George is also an attorney, albeit an older, wiser attorney. Somewhat stocky, and very calm, he takes the ensuing conversation in stride — investigations are a matter of form for him. Unlike Phillip, George is careful.

The Set : The players sit at a wooden conference table. They may have cups of coffee or tea. A tape recorder sits on the table, recording the conversation for the attorneys’ benefit.

part i : the lawyers and the tape recorder

Phillip: The following is the deposition of Madison Cartwright —

Madison: [Pulling a tape recorder from her purse] Excuse me, Mr. Smith, you don’t mind if I record this?

Phillip: [startled] That’s highly irregular, Miss Cartwright.

Madison: Just the same, you don’t mind, do you?

Phillip shoots a confused glance at George, who shrugs and studies Madison appraisingly. Madison twinkles back at him.

Phillip: If you require, Miss Cartwright, we can supply you with a copy of the transcript —

Madison: Oh, no, I’ll just keep my own copy, thank you.

Phillip: But —

George: It’s quite all right, Phillip. If you’ll continue?

Phillip: [flustered] The following is the deposition of Madison Cartwright, taken in the law offices of Wilson & Braxton, in the City of Birmingham, Alabama, on [insert date of production]. Present are Madison Cartwright and attorneys George S. Davies and myself, Phillip G. Smith. [Turning to Madison] Miss Cartwright, you have agreed to these proceedings and are participating of your own free will?

Madison: Yep.

Phillip: And you understand you have the right to have an attorney present if you so choose?

Madison: I understand that, yes.

Phillip: Let the transcript show that Madison Cartwright has waived legal counsel and chooses to be here of her own free will.

Madison: I don’t need a lawyer, Mr. Smith. I haven’t done anything wrong.

George: Miss Cartwright, due to the serious nature of the allegations, it might be advisable.

Madison: I’ve spoken to several friends about the matter, Mr. Davies.

George: [Dubious] Very well, Miss Cartwright.

Madison: [Gently insistent] My friends are legal counsel, Mr. Davies.

There is an uncomfortable pause.

George: [clearing his throat] Miss Cartwright, could you please tell us the nature of your business?

Madison: What business are you referring to, Mr. Davies?

George: The business with the dog, Miss Cartwright.

Madison: Well, I don’t rightly call that a business.

George: What would you call it, Miss Cartwright?

Madison: I call it helping out.

George: Then you do not, as a business practice, perform exorcisms?


to be continued….


exorcising the dog : part i
exorcising the dog : part ii
exorcising the dog : part iii
exorcising the dog : part iv

31 Responses to excorcising the dog : part i

  1. This is very funny.

  2. max

    I think this is too long. I am going to break it up.

  3. I don’t know diddly about scripts Max, but I sort of like the way you get pulled into another boring day at the office and then you get the line about the Exorcisms.

    So I’m curious, what makes this too long?


  4. max

    Too long for a blog post. It is not too long for a play. Did you see it when it first went up or after it became part i?

  5. Oh what a coincidence! I read this just the other day!

    Now I feel like I got caught…stalking…and it’s coming back to haunt me!

  6. This is the first I’ve seen it ( here on your blog ) can I read the entire play somewhere else?


  7. I love how you described these people.

  8. max

    The whole piece is up on seemaxrun or you can just wait for parts ii and iii to go up here.

    Stil, you read it on seemaxrun? I am confused.

  9. I went to your website and read it. I am positive I saw it there.

  10. I Love it! more more more. Great set-up.

  11. I like it it’s funny and I read it somewhere…..too…. recently you had a link to several stories…… WTF I can’t remember right now…. I’ll come back need coffee…ok after the zoo….

  12. Wow Max, this really inspired me to work a little harder with my own stuff…plus, I like Ms Carwright- she’s so in charge.


  13. max

    Aw, thanks. I like her a lot too.

  14. Yeah, me three. Ms Cartwright is quite the character. We all know someone like her.

  15. max

    Madison is an alter ego name I have used a lot over time and one time a guy who read that play got all het up and said, Max, why in hell would you call yourself after an escort? Which was totally annoying. I did not call myself after her. I called her after me. I do that with a lot of characters. I give them pieces of me and one of my names.

  16. When I was 12 I had an honest to goodness pen name- Bancho Church. Don’t ask…I don’t know where it came from but I’m using Bancho in some stories now and it’s sort of like hooking up with an old friend.

    Anyway at school I used to write that name under my own and for my stories in Writing Class I’d do this
    a.m. godfrey
    My teacher thought it was cool, he let me do it.

    But I know what you mean Max, I can see parts of myself in my characters too- and for the most part I like them. The ones I don’t like I’m afraid of…funny isn’t it?


  17. max

    Well those scary characters are all based on the cats you are smart to fear them.

  18. In my opinion people don’t fear cats ENOUGH- last night I woke up and caught my cat sitting on my chest just staring down into my face.

    Go figure.

    Yeah, I’m writing about it.


  19. max

    That cat was wondering if you would fit into a lunchbox.

  20. I hear that when a cat’s owner dies and the body isn’t found for days that the cat will literally eat the faces of their owner. I am not kidding.

    She’s just fantasizing, AMM.

  21. Why did I say that for? I have a cat too. Sheesh.

  22. Poor LSP. She’d probably die from collagen poisoning {{{snickers}}} She better stay above the neck.

  23. Stiletto- I believe it because I’ve had to deal with Human ala Fancy Feast in the past.

    Sure the cat would eat your face- its full of soft tissue that they can get their little tiny fangs into.

    No one talks about what a dog will do- but that’s probably to much to handle. It’s one thing to have your cat pop you open like a can of Friskies..but Fido? Say it ain’t so!

    and Max…if I find out you’re the one leaving messages to Wolfie on my answering machine my feelings will be very hurt.

  24. max

    It was not me. I was at the aquarium. With orphans. Repairing small toaster ovens and teaching them about phylum molusca.

  25. Hmmm..orphans, electricity and small life forms.
    That’s it Max, keep a diggin I’m gonna go and find that cat of mine ASAP

  26. max

    And water. Electricity is not as much fun without a bunch of water.

  27. Pingback: exorcising the dog : part ii « celluloid blonde

  28. Not as much fun without water?

    Gosh I’m glad Wolfie can’t read or can….no he CAN’T

    I hope.


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