enraged

I got propositioned tonight.

And I got enraged.

I didn’t attack anyone. I just said, “Go away. Now.” I had to say it twice. He didn’t get it the first time.

In the old days, I would have punched him in the throat.

He’s lucky these are not the old days.

I don’t know why men think that’s okay. To ask a woman for sex for money. At random. I wasn’t dressed like a prostitute. I was on my own fucking patio. In my own fucking building. Where I live.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons I was so angry. Caught off guard. My. Fucking. Home. You. Do. That. Shit?

It’s rare I experience that kind of angry. Rage. It’s disorienting. It throws me off. I don’t know what to do with it. And it takes a long time to go away. Hours. With no one to hit. And I wanted to hit someone.

It started with me headed out to the patio for a smoke, getting off the elevator, and a guy knocking on the door to the building.

The doors are locked at night. He was looking pretty persistent. I walked up to the door. He said he was there for the massage place. There is a Tai massage business in the building. They do work late. I thought he was someone with an appointment and it’s a direct statement about something legitimate in the building. I let him in and pointed him at the elevator and went for my smoke on the patio.

Fast forward.

I’m on MY patio having MY smoke admiring the River Walk and having MY moment of calm and the guy comes out the doors and says, You didn’t tell me it was a dude.

WTF?

I say, I’m not their ad guy.

And he says —

How much for a massage from you?

Motherfucker.

I would like to be more Zen. More impervious. Less hit. Shock. Anger. Rage.

But he hit me at home. It took me off guard. Home. Where you are not supposed to be approached by strange men asking you for sex for money.

Your Still Enraged Adams Girl