domestic violence guy moves out

letter to godWow. Domestic Violence Guy is moving out. Today. Right now. As I type.

No more yelling.


I wonder who will move in?

Wow. This so calls for a letter….

Hello, God? It is Max again. Thanks for the neighbor guy moving out thing. Also I know you are a busy guy but if you have time? Could the new neighbor be a tall handsome funny smart guy with abs of steel and also straight and also single and also maybe have a thing for short blondes with anime hair?

Thanks, God.

Your Pal.


32 Responses to domestic violence guy moves out

  1. Dear God,

    You know that guy that lived next to Max?
    Thanks for moving him away and please send Max a Stud Muffin

    Here’s what I’ll give you in return..

    You know the NASCAR type family who just moved in across the street from us?

    I won’t waste your prayer time by asking you to watch over me and everyone else on the street even though they put THREE HUGE cans full of Budweiser Beer Cans at the curb last week.

    I won’t ask that you have to hear me say ” Jesus Christ ” every time I see their one eared dog ” Bubba ” walk by.

    I’ll stop asking you why they stopped me on the street and asked me how much my ” Mexican Friends ” charged to do lawns ( the Mexican Friends were actually Human Rights Activists but what the hey )

    I promise not to call all the guys who live there
    ” Jethro ” I won’t call all the women ” Ellie May ”

    Just answer Max’s prayer and we’re even.


  2. Nancy


    I am so happy for you! Did Susan in any way predict this?

  3. Dear God,
    I’d like to second or third or whatever Max’s prayer for a goodly neighbour. She was a little general in her request and it’s probably because she’s more modest than I am. So for her sake, I’m also going to ask that said Studly Neighbour have a beautiful cock and know how to use it well. It’s time Max’s neighbours heard HER for a while.
    Thanks, G!

  4. max

    Oh. My. God.

    Ms. Pants!

    You crack me up.

  5. I hear that if you think a thing hard enough that it will happen. No, really; Oprah’s pushing it.
    It has to be true. So, I think your neighbor situation will turn out great.

  6. Hey man, I feel like someone out there should be getting the good stuff out of a man. And since it’s been decided that I’m completely relationship retarded, I tag you for the goods. I just request a detail or two here and there. And maybe say my name once in a while during the deed. It will freak him out a little bit, but the look on his face will be totally worth it.

  7. max

    Oh I think we should all have frisky boyfriends. I will write another letter.

  8. Blipley, I think Max has some other hard things – er, things she’s thinking hard of – on her mind.

    Congrats, Max! Hope he took ALL his baggage with him!

  9. max

    They are all out and there is a lovely open space feeling on that side of the wall where before now it always felt all crunched and oppressed. Happy sigh.

  10. Did your delete button escort my comment out of here or am I paranoiding?

    Hope your hunky new neighbor comes with a tool box. There’s pictures to be hung.

  11. max

    I do not think so if it did it was an accident I tell people who are getting deleted it is not a surprise when that happens they know.

    Wow a hunky neighbor with a toolbox. That would so work for me.

  12. Rich

    Okay, so I’ve follow BLipey here. what’s this all about then.

    Also, please give your generous support to BLipey as he trounces the villainous DaveScot somewhere in Texas.

  13. max

    Ooh la la. A Blipey stalker.

    You can stay and play if Blipey says you are okay Blipey Stalker Guy.

  14. Rich

    I am in the ‘protecting science and kids from creationists’ club with BLipey.

    *Flashes badge*

    I’m afraid we’re going to have search you ‘fridge mam, and possibly confiscate the more delicious things.

    *Proffers High Five for BLipey*

  15. Rich is quite the funny guy, if a bit touched. He also has a lot of free time (which he generally uses for the forces of good.

    Alright, Rich, hand me some of that apple pie.

  16. max

    This is why you can never trust a set up from a guy friend. Because somewhere behind “sure you should go out with him he is a great guy” there is a piece of apple pie waiting.

  17. Oh, did I type that in legible letters? My bad. And anyway, what’s wrong with apple pie?

  18. max

    I think I will just leave more references to apple pie alone. Hmm.

  19. Rich

    “if a bit touched”

    It’s hard to give that a charitable reading. Don’t make me find the thread at JanieBells where I was sticking up for you (Back when davetard was a 220lb marine killing machine and not a cheesypoof fiend).

    Et tu, BLipey?

    You can still have some apple pie – this burned crust bit. Don’t be mean or I’ll unleash TEH CAPSLOCK AUTODICTOR.

  20. max

    Not here you won’t. No unleashing and that is final.

  21. Well, at least we’re back to domestic violence. Thank god Max won’t allow any unleashing here.

    Besides, some of my best friends are a bit touched…of course I’m an actor/clown, so I’m not sure that’s a great recomendation.

  22. Rich

    Geez, people who don’t like stuff before they’ve tried it.

    *waves hand in a faye gesture of nonchalant dismissal*

  23. max

    Thanks, Rich. I really appreciate you stopping by and reading.

    [Translation: You are cute as a button now go stalk Blipey on Blipey’s blog this is not it.]

  24. Rich

    That’s a gentle let down / mixed message.

    Okay then, bye I guess.


  25. max

    Well, if it looked like you read the site, or even the post, that would be one thing. But you are turning a topic with domestic violence in the title into a Blipey fest. Kind of a problem Rich. Blipey Fest belongs on Blipey Blog. Nothing personal.

  26. Rich

    Apologies for not having an encyclopedic knowledge of this blog or an instant rapport. It’s amazing anyone posts anywhere, eh?

  27. Wow, this is cool. All I need now is a bag of popcorn!

  28. max

    Naw. I am delicately overlooking the sarcastic swipe. I liked it better when people were saying “yay the guy is moving” and also offering up prayers for a nifty neighbor with attributes.

  29. I second that. Cheers!

    Clink! (It’s never too late to clink)!

  30. max

    There were a couple cute guys in the elevator the other day moving large furniture like objects. They went to a different floor though and were probably cute mover guys not cute neighbor guys.

  31. Sounds like a perfect excuse to move…or at least fake it.

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