Construction workers are not cute. I lived in Seattle across the street from a building that was under construction what felt like every day I lived there and was one of those construction workers cute? No. They were all short and squat built like fire plugs on a strict donut diet and they did not wear belts to keep their pants properly in place so you did not want to be around if they had to bend over for anything it was a run away moment if that ever happened.
Now I am in a building which seems to require new tenants by law reconstruct the whole damn place using the help of not cute construction workers. With power saws. With power drills. With hammers. And in real exciting moments like this morning, nail guns that win a prize if you shoot the most nails the fastest for the longest. And they must start early in the morning. And also work Sundays.
Listen I would not mind all this freaking power saw and nail gun action early on Sunday IF THE FREAKING CONSTRUCTION WORKERS WERE CUTE. I could gather my Diet Coke and lawn chair and wander down the hall to languish bleary eyed as a spectator with the promise of pretending I was at a Chippendale review or something.
But this? This is so wrong.
It is time for a new rule.
The construction workers must be cute rule.
From now on. Construction workers must be at least six feet tall. Construction worker waistlines must be no larger than 36 inches. Construction workers must wear well fitted jeans. [Boxer shorts should not poof out of those jeans and those jeans should not spend most of their time dangerously hovering on the brink of falling free of whatever bubble gum adhesive is keeping them glued to the bottom of one butt cheek.] Shirts are not encouraged. All construction workers should have all their hair and all their teeth. [This does not include back or knuckle or ear or nostril hair they invented wax for a reason.] Exceptional abs and biceps are a must. Bonus points for pretty eyes and a chiselled jaw. And no facial hair.
Is that asking too much? On a Sunday morning?
I think not.
[PS: If my new neighbors are reading? Listen. Anybody who uses a nail gun with that much freedom of intent needs an immediate tox screen that just does not happen without pick me up chemical action nothing needs that many nails.]