Texas reminds me of Malibu. Every time I turn around, something is trying to eat me. Something spider bit me. I am allergic all the time in just my skin and, oh, eyes! — to just the air.
And now. Something ate hell out of my legs.
Fifty bites? I kid not, I lost count after fifty. And here is the thing. After days, the bites were not fading. So I was all WTF? Seriously? Not fading bites? WTF is up with that?
[I get to curse here btw, Stephen Fry says so.]
I went kind of crazy on this.
I bleached every piece of clothing I ever wore a week of pre-bite.
I bleached the wood on the balcony.
I bleached all the bedding.
I bleached the concrete floors.
I probably went overboard and probably I did not even get bit here but how would I know? It feels like I am getting bit by fire ants most of the time it is not like it would stand out. And there are no more bites. But still. The bites do not leave. Ahhh!
A friend told me maybe they are chigger bites and [holy hell!] chigger bites don’t go away, they just keep going. Under the skin. Living God Damn chiggers. WTF?
Under. The. Skin. [Gack, Alien!]
She also said if you coated the bites with nail polish that would kill them.
I spent the other night coating my battle scars with nail polish. And it seems to actually be working.
I didn’t have any clear polish though, so I used this fantastical shade of orange. It is still fantastical too — on fifty plus chigger attacks.
If you see a woman at Whole Foods with a half bottle of bright orange nail polish slathered on her legs do not make fun dammit.
Your Chiggers Are Hell Adams Girl