Warm weather has struck foolish people are going to load up on purpose and go stay in unsteady canvas constructions in the wilds with woodland creatures and no running water or toilets. This is a fascinating endeavor called “camping” so for the benefit of others I will share hard won wisdom.
[I am so a giver.]
what i learned camping
Wear warm socks.
Bacon hidden in the foot of a sleeping bag does not confuse bears.
[bacon hiding in the foot of a sleeping bag does make for late night camping excitement though]
Remember extra batteries for flashlights and extra toilet paper for well unmentionables but things just go real wrong if one roll falls in the river and there is no back up.
Strange men with overly large amounts of facial hair are not good trail companions.
“Walk it off” does not work on blisters.
Park rangers are only cute in movies.
Squirrels with sticks have seen Return of the Jedi.
Tents put up wrong do not become more stable during the night.
Rivers rise during rain storms — place your tent accordingly.
“Oh how cute c’mere little fella” is an inappropriate response during feral animal attacks.
*listen if you are going to stay in a tent there should be a better reason than just for the joy of, um, hello, staying in a tent? — like rafting yay!