Now that —

Warm weather has struck foolish people are going to load up on purpose and go stay in unsteady canvas constructions in the wilds with woodland creatures and no running water or toilets. This is a fascinating endeavor called “camping” so for the benefit of others I will share hard won wisdom.

[I am so a giver.]


what i learned camping

Wear warm socks.

Bacon hidden in the foot of a sleeping bag does not confuse bears.

[bacon hiding in the foot of a sleeping bag does make for late night camping excitement though]

Remember extra batteries for flashlights and extra toilet paper for well unmentionables but things just go real wrong if one roll falls in the river and there is no back up.

Strange men with overly large amounts of facial hair are not good trail companions.

“Walk it off” does not work on blisters.

Park rangers are only cute in movies.

Squirrels with sticks have seen Return of the Jedi.

Tents put up wrong do not become more stable during the night.

Rivers rise during rain storms — place your tent accordingly.

“Oh how cute c’mere little fella” is an inappropriate response during feral animal attacks.


*listen if you are going to stay in a tent there should be a better reason than just for the joy of, um, hello, staying in a tent? — like rafting yay!


where this comes from :
that is from other thoughts on seemaxrun

where the art work comes from :
that is from kparrish

0 Responses to campimento

  1. nancyb

    I am in awe, Max. I would never attempt such a thing…

    You had me with the toilet paper. Going off site, so to speak, that alone has deterred me.

    And you had no laptop or blackberry???

  2. Kym

    What country people learn camping in them fancy campgrounds they have at state park:

    Shucks, they have flush toilets in there and hot showers–this is way better than home.

  3. max

    Wow, Nancy, you have never been camping? I wrote that tongue in cheek for a friend who was going camping. Me, I have lived off the grid so vacationing there is not real novel to me.

  4. kommoner

    Yes, and the urban equivalent:

    1. Black men, and in fact, white men too driving with windows down and listening to music with a dominant bassline (some of whom are attempting to look mennacing).

    2. Women in short skirts and bohemian dresses.

    3. The middle class and stock brokers drinking Pinot Grigio outside restaurants, bars and cafes.

    4. The distant echo of televised football (soccer to the Americanos) on street corners

    5. The smell of buring in the air. People like to burn things when the weather warms up.

    Damn, I could have posted this sh*t on my own blog.

  5. Camping? Shudder…

  6. nancyb

    No, Max. Never camping. I did faux camping as a child: Camp Dearborn. Tents set up for you and lots of bathrooms and group calisthenics and dances at night to keep the teens out of trouble. It was for people who lived in Dearborn Mich., which is right next to Detroit, to I guess take the urban edge off.

    That’s not bears and no toilet paper.

  7. max

    Oh it is not real camping if the toilet paper is not soggy and there are no bears.

  8. Max, my nephew suggested the Old Man take me camping this year. He said no way in hell.

    I am hiding this post.

  9. Wait – did you just list the possibility of soggy t.p.?

    I think I’ve changed my mind.

  10. max

    Well tp only gets soggy if you foolishly do not seal it in ziplock plastic pre-expedition. Camping requires you reduce your luggage load to less than five suit cases though have you ever traveled that light?

  11. I am not answering that one.

  12. max

    [i so know the answer to that one, wink]

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