batteries and the devils of wwii

 

I heard this story one time from WWII about batteries. Apparently, the movers and shakers trying to beat the Germans [yes that is you, Germans, sorry, I know it sucks to be the bad guys, but you totally were the bad guys] needed extra battery power to do lights and what not on runways to beat the GERMANS and said, Hey, Battery people, could you do better?

 

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The battery people said, Well sure but it might cut into our sales if anyone knew we could make batteries that actually last so we will do it, if you promise never to tell anyone we can make batteries that last forever instead of a short while.

 

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The WWII people said, Fuck yes battery people, let’s do it. And the battery people made better batteries than they had ever made before and the allies won the war.

Against the Germans. [That is you Germans, live with it.]

 

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Flash forward. Fifty years later someone told and I heard it. Oops.

 

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I am going through old electronics. Which are frightening alone but I do not panic or waver. Here is what is amazing. Two tape tape recorders I have not used since 1990 work – using batteries they had in 1990.

 

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HOLY MOTHER MARY REALLY?

 

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[I can’t get a battery to work I bought two months ago today, they go dead that fast.]

 

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Dear Duracell. And also, Energizer Bunny. Ahem.

For fuck’s sake, if batteries from 1990 work now, why the fuck don’t batteries from August 2015 work? I know you can make batteries that will last a hundred years. I’m not even asking for that. Just batteries that last long enough to get them out of the fucking store wrapper.