band aids and god


gods embraceAs long as we are ripping —

Band aids off politics and guns we might as well hit all wildly controversial subjects.

How about God.

Personally I think more aberrant and brutal acts have been performed in the name of God than any other thing. God is even beating out patriotism. Though patriotism [also sometimes confused with fascism but everyone likes to pretend that was invented and is only practised by Italians] runs a pretty good gauntlet.

[Tolstoy would disagree with those practices. I like that guy.]

My biggest issue with God is parenting skills. I just sort of do not get the put your son on a cross thing. I am sure God gets it. I have the whole Job thing to tell me to just shut up, humans do not always get the goings on of God. But. It sets a bad example, you know? Parents in the here and now can just read that whole thing up and say to themselves, Sure I suck, but hey, God did it. And pound nails into their kid’s hands and stick the kid up on some unfortunate four by four construction of beams. Because. Fuck if it was good enough for God it should be good enough for them, right?

Kind of a problem, God.


56 Responses to band aids and god

  1. I am pretty sure I am carrying my own cross. I take responsibility for the impact I have on others. I would not sacrifice my son to save a single soul, let alone the world. Clearly, it hasn’t worked for Jesus so why not learn from god’s mistakes?

  2. max

    I would have killed or been killed to defend my dogs. I have no idea what kind of defense mechanism would have kicked in to defend a child.

    The whole sacrifice question to me is always actually asking, Would you kill? These are big in Philosophy 101 classes. How much will it take to make you murder? A piece of art? A child at risk? Humanity hanging in the balance? And at the bottom of every question, the question really is always, Who would you kill? Though they are always disguised as, Who would you save?

  3. Wow Max. I had really prepared myself for some controversial thing here, where I would really be careful in my response, but luckily you made it quite easy for me…If Family Guy had made a parody along the lines of your post, I would understand how they could be able to reason like that. But wow Max, you are reeeeealy missing the point by a mile!

  4. max

    Which point did I miss Bernard?

  5. Yes, I would kill. It’s why I don’t have a gun. Hopefully, if I ever went on a rampage I’d go after Oprah’s most wanted. HIt up a prison and not a school. I would kill for Protection, I would say suicide but I believe I have done that in a previous life so I would not do it again. I would do it for vengance. if someone killed my child. But what if I had two children? Then I couldn’t. So it’s protection, I would kill to protect a worthy humnan.

    I like this one, My son can’t live without me and a hungry shark is coming. And there is a rescue boat on it’s way.

    My neighbor was in a war and she ate all the food in one sitting that was supposed to sustain her family for a month. Hold on…..I might kill my mother if she did that.

  6. ‘[Tolstoy would disagree with those practices”

    True, but his disagreement would have taken the form of a 1100 page essay of heart breaking tedium, that almost no one read through to the end.

    Though I rarely do this, it seems germaine to the discussion as hand.

  7. (I apologize in advance for the lack of puns or silly comments)

    I think a more appropriate parallel is Abraham/Isaac (or Ishmael, depending on which version you subscribe to). Some of the questions is when Abraham raises the knife:

    – Does he do so because he knows God will stop him?
    – Does he do so because he knows that God has the ability to raise his son from the dead?
    – Does he do so without any confidence about what’s on the other side, but just blindly trusts that God wouldn’t ask for his son’s life for a trivial reason?

    However, with the recent events at VT, I have noted with both of my sons that various people had options, and some (such as the professor in the classroom at Norris Hall) chose to “give themselves up” in the hope that others might live. Do I force my sons to make such sacrifices for others? No. However, it would not surprise me in the least if one of them did such a thing.

    What says love more than putting your own life on the line for someone else? Should I suggest to my sons that they not love others that way?

  8. I can’t wait to see what new people you attract with this thread. I’m grabbing coffee (deftly avoiding subject here lol)

  9. max

    Now there is a scary thought.

  10. max

    If new people are reading they are not talking. Probably they are too in shock still from discovering Valliant ranked Peter Parker higher than Jesus. Small bespectacled women across the nation are clutching bibles and whiskey bottles no doubt.

  11. Um, I just wanted to say that I heart you. That’s it. ::: hearts :::

  12. max

    It is the pajamas right? Everybody hearts a girl with pajamas on her head.

  13. Absolutely.

    Seriously, Royann’s dad needs to write a book on discipline.

  14. max

    That was totally hillarious. I am not sure it says anything good about me that I thought it was totally hillarious more when I thought “Roy” was a boy and was then sort of horrified when I found out he did that to a little girl.

  15. Someone explained to me once why God would do that to his son.
    At the time, sacrifices were rampant. People were constantly sacrificing their animals, even their children for their sins.
    He did this to show them it was the sacrifice to end all sacrifices.

  16. max

    So even God is keeping up with the Joneses?

  17. Everyone thinks Roy is male when I talk about her because I rarely call her Royann. Her mom named her after her father (Roy–duh). She’s got an uber hot brother Greg (who thought his middle name was “ory” when he was a kid–Gregory) who just recently got married. Yeah, I tapped that. Heh.

    He made both of them wear any clothes left in the bathroom on their heads. And when they fought, he’d make them stand out in the driveway on a Saturday morning, holding hands, facing each other but they weren’t allowed to talk. So all the other kids on the cul du sac would ride their bikes by and laugh and play around while they were trying to crush one another’s hands.

    They’re my surrogate family. I love them to bits and bits.

  18. max

    “Yeah, I tapped that.”

    You crack me up.

  19. Dude. Seriously. He’s totally worthy of celebrating that conquest.

  20. max

    He is dashing Ms. Pants.

  21. Dare I say…. You hit the nail on the head?

    I’d give my life to protect my kid and although I dream of nailing that dumbass teen to a few pieces of timber I realize that it’s cold outside and I need the wood.

    Great piece!
    Gracias Baby.

  22. max

    Well I figure all parents get pretty tiffed at their kids sometimes but that is just not a good excuse for bringing out nails and Centurions.

  23. OK… one more serious post, then I’ll take a break and go back to painful punning.

    Per the theology of the Trinity, Jesus would have been around when the plans were made. Who’s to say it wasn’t His idea in the first place?

  24. I know. Puns appeal to a wider audience… preferably one with a waist size greater than 28 inches. ;)

  25. max

    Good on you have fun is not the correct response when your kid says he is thinking crucifiction might be a fun extracurricular activity.

  26. How would it be different from a parent allowing their child to go off to military service (other than the certainty of physical death)? If one of my sons were confronted with a situation where they felt that they had a moral obligation to put their life on the line for someone else, I might have some serious “are you sure?” conversations, but would I try to convince them that it was a bad idea?

    Go back to the VT massacre and the prof that blocked the door. He literally gave up his life, and (based on the students who escaped through the window) certainly saved others. Would I tell my sons, “Hey, if you’re ever in that situation, other people just aren’t worth it.”

    I mean, presuming that Eternal Life is something better than what we have here, leaving that to being human for 33 years might have been pretty bad in itself. When you combine that with the notion that the greatest act of love is laying down your own life for someone else, I’m having a hard time seeing this as some kind of “moral failure from above.” At the very least, it seems completely consistent.

    You made me post another serious comment. AARRRGGGGHHHHHH!

  27. max

    We so love our martyrs in this society. Why do we consider dying a great gift? We are so about sacrifice but I do not want someone to die for me. I want someone to live for me.

  28. max

    [This is a science experiment, I am waiting to see if Firm’s head explodes on the fifth serious post.]

  29. So if I give my life for my sons instead, that’s… tha… th… [KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM]

    Error 603: IP Host no longer found

  30. I agree Max, people think I sacrifice so much for my son and one day I’ll be rewarded. It’s BS….. First of all, there is no reward great enough or worth the suffering of my son. Second, I had a very adventerous life before my son so I feel like I have lived a full life. What am I giving up? I’d be on my second divorce by now. I avoided that so now I will integrate new challenges into a fuller life. I am using all of myself but that is the same thing you would do to climb a mountain or reach for any goal.

    There are true Martyrs and I do admire their courage but “playing the martyr” is all too common.

    Alright, I might have played the Martyr card a couple of times to get something expidited but don’t get me started on how I think hypocricy is a vehicle for change.

    I am working the dunking booth tonight!

  31. max

    I think most martyrs were not planning on being martyrs — not on purpose. The only people I am told actually chose that on purpose were Jesus Christ and Socrates. But they never wrote a word themselves. Not one word.

  32. Clearly, you guys have NOT been to any of the meetings.

    (And Jennifer, that’s no different to me than someone saying “Look at all the things you’ve given up to be a parent.” Yeah… I’ve given up knowing what it means to invest myself in the lives of two developing people, who happen to look ridiculously like me and share my DNA. What a sacrifice!)

    [Max, that didn’t count as a serious comment, because the same comment contained a joke.]

  33. What meetings? Looks like you are messing up your score card Firm.

    And Firm, I don’t if this is the point Max is trying to make ……….but, when people say things like that to me ……I hear……I am a selfish bastard and I am ok with it becasue Jesus died for me and paid for my sins and there fore I am forgiven for not living up to my resposibilities. I can just lay down this cross because JC ‘s done that already.

  34. Fair enough.

    To me, that kind of action is more of an example than an excuse for me to do nothing.

  35. (I was referring to the Martyr’s Anonymous meetings that you’ve been missing. You are simply not going to learn how to use guilt trips effectively if you don’t get together with other martyrs and learn the schpeil.)

  36. max

    I do not believe parenthood is equatable with martyrdom. It may at times be difficult. It may at times require choosing something that benefits another person before oneself. That is not however being nailed to a cross and that metaphor suggests parents are giving up something more important and valuable than the gift of a child and doing it at great cost and suffering to themselves. And, while I see that attitude plenty, I think it is a crap attitude.

  37. Jesus was the greatest occult master and magician of his time. He was a really good person but I think he tricked people to make his point. He probably ate way too much bread with mold on it and accidentally found himself tripping – on a regular basis. Plus the wine didn’t help with the delusions of grandeur.

    If we are to believe that God sacrificed his only son, and man is made in God’s image, then it’s no surprise that man is a self serving and self centered bastard by nature.

    I do like the idea of a big man in the sky whose arms I can fall into after a hard day of life – after all, my current relationships try to mimic the relationship we are supposed to have with a higher being – but God might be a woman.

  38. And that would just f*ck me up.

    When you die your spirit returns to the earth as energy. If you were positive in life, you will affect the earth as such, if you were negative, you get the point. For example, look at countries continually engaged in bitter conflict, I do believe they suffer from severe negative vortexes of energy (sort of like karma) that can be dispelled by positive life force but it will take a momentous amount of energy to send it to annihilation. The energy will look for another place to host as like attracts like.

    If parents treat and raise their children well, there will be generations of happier people. Unfortunately that’s not the case half the time.

  39. I’m sorry, I meant another host, not another place to host.

  40. Jesus Christ, I am a f*cktard tonight. I meant monumental. Max, please edit. Wow, I can’t see without my glasses.

  41. max

    I am half blind from reading scripts plus a little dazed at the moment, I cannot find the error.

  42. I am just coming from my experience too many people suggest that I put my son in an institution and “go on with my life” ( hello, This is my life !) Then they suggest I am a “fucking saint” a “martry” ” I have the benefit of a higher maternal instinct” OR I will be rewarded one day for this.
    Then they complain about everything. So to ease their guilt for their crap attitude they come up with some convoluted shit about me and god.

    I am proud of my comitment to my son and who knows if my early religious education was a foundation for that. Irony…. OR was my “fate” laid out by the story of the good samartian and Jesus himself becasue of the imprint it made on me? I would have needed to create a heavy burden to accomplish such righteousness. ( some people buy into that …. not Max she is too smart)

    In every moment you have a choice of doing right or wrong and hopefully you are able to define right and wrong for yourself. I think it matters more now then when you die. I don’t care how my parents treated me. I take the good and keep the bad out. I care how I treat myself and my child most. I think we do create our own personal momentum and that our energy interacts with all other energy.

    I think every human life has value. I think some people don’t have much of themselves vested in their own life. So I don’t value all human life equally.

    The empty feeling of longing and imaging something loving and fullfilling there……. that’s the catch isn’t it…….

  43. Uhm, Max… speaking from experience, there are lots of days that one seriously questions why they ever had offspring. Those are the days that I feel that I am a martyr who has “fallen on the grenade.”

    One of the things they don’t tell new fathers is that they sometimes hate their children for the change they bring to the father’s relationship with the mother. What kind of sick-o would have those kinds of feelings toward a little baby?

    All the altruistic crap about parenting needs to be balanced by reality. There are things I’ve given up. I made the choice. I jokingly say that my sons are God’s way of punishing me for having sex.

    There’s an element of truth in it.

  44. Spread the word Firm becasue then the people with the crap attitude would be less likely to have children if they knew the truth.. It’s not like we have to reproduce big enough brood to work the farm.

  45. I guess I’ve got a bad attitude, but when there’s a discussion about parenting and sacrifice, I tend to look at it from the perspective of 19 years. Yes, I know that I could have kept my pants zipped up (or more accurately, could have stayed on my side of the bed). I was fully involved in the decision… shoot, I was 25 at the time of conception.

    Did I know what I was getting into? Nope. Did I know that there would be dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and so on? Sure. You can figure that out from watching any number of sitcoms. Did I know that there would be days that the responsibility of being a parent would feel like an anchor? Did I know that I would sometimes hear “Got a wife and kids in Baltimore Jack, I went out for a ride, and I never went back…” and think that it didn’t sound like a bad idea?

    Did I know that watching the VT massacre from a treadmill in the gym would cause me to rush to a phone to call my oldest (he’s not at VT), just so I could hear his voice, knowing full well that it was a dumb reaction? Did I get warned about the sick feeling I’d have when I got the dreaded phone call that begins with “Dad, I’ve been in an accident”?

    No. They don’t exactly tell you stuff like that, and your parents, reluctant to make you feel guilty about your presence (unless they’re manipulative jerks) certainly aren’t going to tell you what a royal pain in the Sheryl Crow you can be.

    So you learn by walking the path. Presuming you don’t take the left out of Baltimore, and instead go home to your family every night, you’re investing another day, paying from the bank account that God distributes with reasonable equality–time.

    So… I’ve now paid, with 19 years worth of my life, to earn the right to have my bad attitude about martyrs and parenting. I think, as a result, I’ve learned a little something about what God is like, too. Unfortunately for me, He’s got a bit more experience than I do.

    Hmmm… I need to do more punning and blog entries about sex, and less hi-jacking other people’s blogs through comments.

  46. ” to earn the right to have my bad attitude about martyrs and parenting. I’ve learned a little something about what God is like, too”

    God is a slave ……… : )

    Sorry Firm, if I made you feel your attitude is bad…. I was serious about telling the reality of it. IF they only knew….

    Sorry Max ,for the Hijacking….

  47. You didn’t make me feel anything bad. It’s late, and I had a chip on my shoulder. I should’ve put the chip into the dip, and just moved on.

    And “God is a slave” sounds about right to me. It actually fits with a lot of core Christian theology. :D

  48. I don’t know, I think Max has put a de cloaking spell in this post and we’ve all revealed our core beliefs. This could be a test. Probably meant for Valiant but we fell for it. On the other hand Church of Stiletto is growing on me.

  49. max

    I have never been a parent. I have however been on the end of many statements about not doing something important or meaningfull that ended in “and that was your fault little girl.”

  50. And that’s how NOT to do it…….

    I am not afriad of how god will hold me accountable for my job as a parent but how my child will………there are no cudos for what he can’t comprehend, so I better reach beyond it and make it good somehow. He is already disapointed and it’s ok we can live with it because he won’t go one day feeling like he’s the cause of our problems. Sometimes Zach has to forgive me. I think kids catch on to those who cycle guilt and broken promises.

    I’d love to go back in time puch out your parents. Take that little girl Max out and treat her like she was the little girl I never had. Like a princess who will be a much loved goddess one day.

    Giving this feeling to a child, validating their intelliegence and talents is one of the greatest joys of parenting ( I inculde being an aunt too)

    I am sorry you had to hear that garbage. It hurt to read it now….. they should have treated you better.

  51. Jennifer,

    If you hold Max’s parents one at a time, I’ll do the punching. I sometimes feel like I’m a militant parent, because I have ZERO TOLERANCE for a whole range of abusive behavior. (Granted, some might call the excessive punning that my sons have been exposed to as abusive, but I digress.)

    There are so many ways for parents to screw up… classes ought to be required before people are allowed to screw without protection.

    How in the heck did I become a curmudgeonly old man so quickly? Just the other day, I was writing erotic poetry and making bad puns.

    This crap’s just gotta stop.

  52. Firm, to a girl like me, this is the sexiest thing you’ve ever said. All of it and of course I’d help dole out the punishment to Max parents.

  53. OK… so let me see if I can refine this technique.

    I’m sitting at a bar, munching on pretzels and drinking Diet Coke. A woman sits down next to me and orders a drink. I look into her eyes and with pretzel crumbs scattering from my lips from the force of my breath I gently say…

    “This crap’s just gotta stop.”

    I had no idea that approach might be effective.

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