another day another inadequacy

navel ringWow this New Year’s Eve champagne better run out soon because this stuff is just dangerous it can make you so indiscreet online. Um. Oops.

Meanwhile, though, I have just discovered I have yet another inadequacy.

I have no tats.

This is apparently a bad thing because Lulu Malone says women with tats are better lovers. Oh nooooo! I am inadequate.

My friend Dee has tats. She goes to special tattoo artists all over the world who are famous for their body art and has the tat artists pick out the tats for her. They are very fancy tats. No doubt Dee is a fabulous lover. It would seem sort of fresh to ask though.

Also, news flash, Trench has a tat. Now I have to figure out a discreet way to enquire what of and where without appearing indelicate or too intimate. [Like I do not already appear too intimate with Trench. Coughcoughbadmaxbadcough.]

I cannot imagine what I would get a tat of, though — if I were going to get a tat to up my sexy girl points. I am sure this has something to do with commitment phobia. I cannot commit to one hair color. How could I commit to one image indelibly inked on my flesh?

I always thought navel rings were sexy. That I thought about. But I hear that really hurts and I have sort of this pain aversion thing going. Sure, I pierced my ears. But earlobes do not have so many nerve endings and also I was young and did not yet know what real pain and discomfort was about. [I still may not, I have not broken anything yet – knock wood. But wow, eating a windshield hurts like bejeez, that one I do know.] Again, though, the commitment thing. I mean, sure, I have the stomach for a navel ring now. But what if I get old and fat? Won’t that be sort of atrocious, a little old lady paunch with a navel ring? That just would not do it for me. [Or anyone else, odds are.] And sooner or later I am likely to be a little less vain, [well probably later, I am mad cap vain — yet another character flaw, sigh], a little less prone to crunches, and then all that navel ring frenzy [not to mention pain, needles, ow] would be just wasted.

Maybe I am looking at this wrong though. Maybe I better get that navel ring now, while I can actually flash it.

Hmm. Lulu, can I up my sexy girl score with a navel ring?

39 Responses to another day another inadequacy

  1. alcohol just “unmasks” ones feelings… get the belly ring, Jees.

  2. max

    Is that your professional opinion? Get the belly ring?

  3. yes as a professional luva-boy.

  4. Hell, yeah, get the belly ring. Piercing and tat pain is just an indoctrination into mind over body (sorry, I have one of those too.) It really isn’t that bad, and it’s over pretty quickly. It may be all relative, though, because I gave birth twice, which is decidedly more painful.

    Max–you obviously don’t see what Trench and I do–that if there is one thing you are NOT it is inadequate. You are a luscious, divine goddess that could not possibly be improved upon by something as tawdry as a tat or a piercing, which would be mere adornments in your case.

    Just think, after one night of drunken blogging you have two new people with crushes on you.

    Hey Trench, since Max is straight I do not have to challenge you to a duel for a chance at her hand. I thought you would be relieved to know that.

  5. max

    Oh I have plenty of inadequacies. I just do not broadcast the glaring ones.

    You crack me up Lulu.

  6. Thanks, I try. If nothing else, I can be good for a laugh. With me, at me, whatever.

  7. ditto the 532pm post.

  8. max

    I should drunken blog more often. You know that post got over 400 views?

    [i am thinking about this and not real reassured by the fact navel piercing is less painful than childbirth — rumor has it childbirth includes a lot of blood and screaming]

  9. Wow, congrats on that. I am just excited that I had my biggest day ever yesterday with 69 hits. That my be because I have become a blog hit whore and used the word “pussy” in my tag line.

    Perhaps you should remain intact, then. Besides, when we are old, you will still be beautiful and I will have strange holes and faded tattoos.

  10. You should get a 1000 hits per post just for the writing.

    and you didn’t just “use” the word LuLu, you redefined it.

  11. max

    Aww. Thanks, Trench. Smooch!

    Really, Lulu, you did. I am going to have to pull a mirror out here and do contortions now.

  12. Wow, thanks guys. I just don’t think it would be really that hard for people to be a whole lot happier.

  13. Hey, do you think they would call this a blogging threesome?

  14. max

    Better not. My pilgrim great great would crawl from her grave and beat me with a silver handled hairbrush.

  15. you are so 1750, incidentally the year my ancestor Conrad Kuhl arrived in Philadelphia.

    Keep talking to her LuLu…

  16. Ok, Trench, but you will have to live up to the kind of man I want her to have. Are you up for that?

  17. max

    LOL — and he was never heard from again.


  18. What, live up? Yes–see the birthday note I wrote my husband on my blog. I am a believer in wonderful men.

  19. that is pretty good Lulu, and I see that you are indeed bi.

  20. max

    Jeesh, you flirts are both married.

  21. yeah tattoos hurt but Lulu is right, nowhere near as much as child birth. Naval piercing doesn’t hurt, or at least I don’t remember it hurting but then again i wasn’t exactly sober when I got mine done, or the tats for that matter…

  22. max

    It is amazing to me anyone ever has a second child. The first time you might not know what you were getting into. The second time? You have got to know how much that is going to hurt.

  23. Max, your mind is really sexy! You don’t need any additional adornments!

    Speaking of minds, do you like Trench cuz he’s brainy? Or does he look like George Clooney from ER? hahaha

  24. Yes, I’m married, but we are Thelemites, and don’t believe in sexual ownership, so we can have lovers–above board–no cheating.

    As for childbirth–I seem to remember that the pain memory fades. By that I mean that when we injure ourselves, we retain a pain memory that helps us avoid the behavior in the future. Birth pain, since it is actually a natural process and not an “injury” seems to fade in the mind. Intellectually, we remember it hurts, but it just doesn’t have the same psychological impact. Clever girl, that Nature. I did both of mine drug-free, too.

    I am still much more freaked out by a thyroid biopsy I had without any anesthesia or drugs than I am the births of my kids. [shudder]

    Pain tolerance, like everything else, is, in part, an attitude, though.

    Hey, Trench, I wrote my “I Love Men” thing to try to address this sort of thing, too. Tell me if it doesn’t come across well, if you don’t mind. I would like a man’s perspective, and want to see if I was accurate or not.

  25. Thelemites… that is fascinating. I gotta get the hell outta South Carolina.

  26. max

    Silly Stilletto. On the internet, all men look like George Clooney.

  27. Beth

    Max, you should go for it and get some ink done. Yeah, it hurts and then feels like a bad sunburn for a few weeks. But they can be reminders of happy things – not such a bad thing to always wear on your skin.

  28. Yes, Beth, my tattoos are markers, or milestones for very important things in my life. I can’t imagine letting someone else say what goes on my body, like Max mentioned in this post about her friend.

    What tats do you have, Beth?

  29. Hey Trench, perhaps you should come a little more to the East?

  30. Oops–I meant West. Durrr

  31. max

    Oh I think Trench dumped me. He packed up the whole site and headed for the hills.

  32. Yes, but he left a forwarding address–and you seem to be his only “wow”.

  33. max

    Aww. I got a Wow? Maybe he did not dump me after all.

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