anatomy of an ankle weight


woman in gloves by elena platonova


Miss Adams cannot post today.

She is too freaking sore.

Okay not really. I can post. But I am sore.

I have these stupid weights that go in these stupid ankle cuffs and each weight weighs two pounds and you can [I stress can] go up to twenty. They are for my knees and super serious weights because I am supposed to do leg lifts every single day so my legs work right every single day and, um, I don’t.

But post the discovery aliens stole my body and emergency measures are called for I strapped on the stupid weights and just do the routines while I read scripts and how convenient I have this stack of scripts right?

Um, right. Except I do not count. You can not count AND read. So I just do them while I read till the legs quit and now is a couple days in and holy fuck —




:::aliens stole my body i::::::
:::aliens stole my body ii:::::
:::aliens stole my body iii::::
:::aliens stole my body iv::::

where the art work comes from :
that is an unnamed photograph by elena platonova


51 Responses to anatomy of an ankle weight

  1. Count…. and STREEEETTCHH….

    Even stretching now will help it go away more quickly.

    Ouch. I remember that feeling.

    (been a while though, ahem)

  2. Max, one of the few reasons I tolerate the posing and posturing of the gym (not others… I’m talking about MY behavior) is the presence of equipment that I’m just too cheap to buy. I don’t care much for treadmills, but elliptical machines (sometimes called cross trainers) do a good job of working your lower body (ahem) while allowing you to read.

    I’m not a big fan of ankle weights, but that probably has a lot to do with being an old fart. On the other hand, my feet are big enough that my legs don’t really need additional mass down at the end to make things interesting. I’m also not crazy about doing leg lifts as your only leg exercise.

    Then again, if I knew what I was talking about, I’d be training others instead of writing dirty poems on my blog and nasty puns on everyone else’s. Damn… not a single pun in this comment.

    Weight a minute…

  3. Ankle weights also make you prone to injury other than muscle soreness. Not so good for your back…

    Firm, those elliptical trainers are hell in a sweatbox. I swear they are out to kill me.

    Maybe I’m just unfit. Yah.

  4. max

    I had this orthopedic surgeon who used to stare at my legs and shake his head and say, They are so pretty on the outside. He refused to cut. He made me work with weights because he said pretty young girls like to wear bathing suits and ought to be able to. That man and ankle weights are one reason I am still walking without surgery. Pilates is the other. I will stick with them.

  5. Well, do what works for ya…

    I guess you have something to be thankful for, not having a scalpel happy surgeon… although I think I’d have been a bit creeped out that he was making comments about my legs like that.

    I was going to take up Pilates this week, until I pulled a muscle in my shoulder… SLEEPING.

    Next week. Maybe.

    Do you go to classes?

  6. Zach’s got to do the same stuff. Weights are good for the bones but do make the muscles sore. I suppose I should do more than a couple showing him how to do it…….. hmmmmmm

  7. Having just finished a half-marathon on Saturday, I can attest to the benefits of an elliptical machine compared to a treadmill as far as ankle and knee pain is concerned. In previous years, I’ve done 4-5 miles of treadmill work.

    This year, I did 2-3 miles on the elliptical, and my knees were actual usable on Sunday. My quads were toast, but my knees and ankles were good.

  8. max

    I used to do individual training. Now I just do floor work by myself.

  9. max

    [When I am not slacking, ahem.]

  10. When I was a baby something was wrong with my feet for reasons unknown they were were twisted and turned out the wrong way…. and those DR’s back int he 1960’s- God love’em all- just loved to CUT.

    That’s what they wanted to do- cut and braces.

    My Grandmother was this sort of fiery ahead of her time thinker and she figured out a way to get my feet to turn out the right way and not have me in a cast and braces for years and years.

    She had me wearing my shoes on the wrong feet for a year instead.

    And it worked.

    I’ve got great feet to this day-
    that’s not the only bullet I’ve ever doged but it was the first.

  11. max

    Your grandmother was smart.

  12. I agree about Anita’s grandmother.

    As for all the weight stuff, it’s one thing to be doing rehab that’s specifically directed by a doctor or sports trainer. It’s something different if you’re doing it for general health reasons. For the latter, walking with hand weights (presuming that you don’t hyper-extend your elbows with each step) is good for just about anybody. Even when I’m doing lots of cardio stuff, grabbing a couple of 10 lb dumbbells and going for a brisk 2 mile walk is a good workout. More people should walk, and fewer should look down on it as “not serious exercise.”

    I do not, however, recommend trying to read scripts and walk at the same time, unless you live in a very quiet neighborhood, with no traffic.

  13. Just how many things can Max do while she reads scripts?

  14. I think it depends on whether or not AJ brings the handcuffs.

  15. Feel Better Max- no fooling.


  16. tiger balm!

    trust in china

  17. Note to self: Do not confuse “Tiger Balm” with “Jock Itch Ointment”

  18. Or, um… toothpaste.

  19. max

    With tiger balm, isn’t the cure worse than the condition? Guys at a martial arts studio talked in scary ways about that stuff.

  20. Tiger balm is the best way to cure muscle ache.

    Smells like Vicks though.

  21. max

    “Smells like Vicks though.”

    I can live with that. I have mineral ice and sportscream, I will get daring and pick up tiger balm but I fear that stuff the guys always said it super burned. I will still have skin after right?

  22. Vicks will make you slap somebody.

  23. max

    Probably this is sick and wrong but they slathered so much Vicks on me when I was a kid Vicks is a comfort smell to me.

  24. Eddie

    I’ve heard water exercising is a great low impact workout. Not all that convenient for reading scripts, though.

    I was a Vicks kid, too. My dad swore by the stuff. I used to pretend I was feeling better, just to try and get out of it. Or at least try for some cherry Luden’s candy, er um, cough drops out of the deal.

  25. max

    When I was really little I hated it. It was always, Oh no, not the Vicks, I am feeling way better now, really. But I got used to it and it did make it possible to breath and plus was someone looking out for me and now it is all wrapped up in that feel better and someone loves you place. I would not wear it as perfume. But it is a comfort smell.

  26. I think I was more of a Nyquil kind of girl.

    Get better, Max. I won’t lecture you on ankle weights. If they work for you, that’s great. You need to strengthen those legs to break out of those ties. If it makes you feel any better I am sore, too. I can barely walk. My left foot is jacked up. Frozen peas help though.

    Anita, grandmothers are full of hidden wisdom. I will write about mine one day. She saved my face from sliding off.

  27. Ahhh, Tiger Baum. Ancient Chinese secret…

  28. Don’t fear it, Max. You’ll become addicted.

  29. max

    Is it as addictive as menthol foot balm?

  30. Dat menthol foot balm starts hittin the sides, and then hittin bottom ya know… then you gots da balm up in your head and all…

  31. I think it’s a perfect substitute.

    Just with a little more “mystery.”

    (Banging gong)

  32. max

    Well Eng is so smart, I have this vat of sportscream it never occurred to me to grab I guess I only associate that in my head with doing something actually athletic but then Eng mentioned tiger balm and I could not grab tiger balm but I could grab the sportscream and I slathered up and feel so. much. better. Happy sigh.

  33. But do you smell like a tube of tube of tooth paste?

  34. Sports cream…..mmmm Ben Gay?

  35. “Go Ben Gay… Go Ben Gay”

    Just giving a little sport scream.

    “How long?”

    Jennifer, that’s a very personal question.

  36. It was funny in 1976!

  37. max

    It is Sportscream, a proper noun, that is its name.

  38. So I wasn’t the only one of us watching “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” in 1976?

  39. No, you probably were as you are older than any of us here lol

  40. If I weren’t so old, I’d be offended. ;)

  41. Tiger balm is da bomb.

    But do NOT, repeat, NOT slather it on and then put on tights or leggings, because your legs will catch on fire and burn up.

    Also, don’t put it on and then do anything fun with your ladyparts. Yeowch. Not that I would know anything about that.

    But seriously, you should not be working the same muscles daily. They need a rest between workouts, so maybe try every second day. Otherwise the bones and muscles will cumulatively get weaker, even while the fat burns away. Not what you’re going for, I presume?

    Also, you can set a timer to beep every thirty (or how many) seconds, so you change legs then. That should work; it’s how boot camps are run, on time not quantity.

  42. max

    A timer! Rain. You are so smart. I cannot have something going off every thirty seconds but I can set it every thirty minutes for muscle groups and it will rock. Thank you.

  43. Don’t put on tiger balm after shaving yer legs though.

  44. I was going to suggest hand weights for those long script reading days. Glad you thought of the leg weights. It’s great for building bone density.

  45. Stiletto

    Nice pic. Got one just like it. But then again, what girl doesn’t?

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