a squirrel story for sulya


squirrel by noah stoneThis is from 2004 —

Also clearly it is squirrel week [or month hmm] and also for some reason I cannot exactly remember I thought Sulya should have a squirrel story :

squirrels are better than t.v.

So I am on the phone, on this business call. There are these two squirrels who live in the yard. They are cute and just recently have gotten real curious about me. They come up low branches on this lemon tree outside the door to stare in at me.

“What’s she doing?”

“Staring at the box again.”

“What’s she doing now?”

“Staring at us.”


So I am on the phone and the squirrels come up and are looking in through the open door when Jones jumps out the door.

[Jones is my nefarious cat who loves me and hates all others.]

The squirrels jump.

Jones jumps.

[To really put this in perspective you have to get Jones is a fluffy white Himalayan who weighs about eight pounds when he is wet so, you know, like a total designer cat? Only a designer cat from the street so tough as hell and scared of nothing, which is probably why we got along so well we were alike that way, “Sure, I weigh a hundred pounds and have French tips but fuck with me buddy and you will lose an esophogus — that attitude kind of worked for us so anyway — ]

Squirrels jump.

Jones jumps.

I jump.

Then I am not sure what happened exactly. Either the squirrels grabbed a lemon and threw it at Jones, or the squirrels jumped hard enough a lemon was propelled from a limb at faster than light speed at Jones. Either way —

Jones is jumping. Tree limbs are jumping. Squirrels are jumping. This lemon is zinging —

Whap, it hits the ground where Jones just was and the squirrels run straight up the tree branch, lunge a chasm, and hit the roof running.

[This is what eight reindeer on a roof sound like at Mach V.]

I have no idea what the person on the phone thought was happening.

I was laughing too hard to find out.


where this came from :
that is from seemaxrun thoughts 2004

where the art work comes from :
that is squirrel by noah stone

11 Responses to a squirrel story for sulya

  1. californiablogging

    I wish I had a lemon tree near me. I really want to call you, “Dances with Squirrels.”

  2. As a rule, I never mess with cats who have only last names.

    The lemon was priceless. I live in Canada and was trying to think … did they run to the Safeway and pick up some lemons to stash in the tree in case of cat attack or, like, what?

    But then, I’m easily confused.

  3. max

    Jen. Where have you been?

    Rain, is it too cold in Canada for citrus trees? [Is this a really stupid question?]

  4. californiablogging

    I am not telling and there were no witnesses either but I was lurking around here when I could.

  5. never trust the squirrels, mean, sneaky little buggers, who jump at you any chance they get.
    poor jones.

  6. sulya

    Thank you for my squirrel story (warm fuzzies). I found it here at the end of a long day and it made me smile widely and longly.

    My fave is the “what’s she doing now” dialogue. I laughed out loud.

    This idea of a lemon arsenal is appealing… Especially as a squirrel escaping savage fancy french-tippy kind of kitties (smile)…

    That said, squirrels can be tricksy… Perhaps Jones should have stashed an arsenal of kibble in some sort of pellet gun and really got things goin’ on back there…

    They can grow peaches in several parts of Canada and I suspect there might be some places where lemon trees might grow but I suspect they would not thrive and lemon trees are definitely not an industry here… I’m no arborist though…

  7. max

    When I was a kid I lived in this place where there was a short parth, and a long path — to take the short path though you had to run because squirrels lived in the trees over the short path who threw things at you on that path. Kind of a squirrel gauntlet, that short path.

  8. Kym

    In the recently rain-washed hills of N. CA. where I am watching the maples hold the excess summer sunlight until they grow too heavy with liquid gold and fall in heaps of treasure on the ground, the squirrels live in fear of Sleeker, my small semi-domestic black puma.

    Sleeker lives too hunt and no squirrel dares to come close to the house. But when I walk up the dirt road through the oaks and bays that line our looong driveway, they slip out on branches to stare. And Sleeker who follows me, not like a pet dog on a walk but like predator tracking it’s prey, pretends not to notice. But, if one dares to dart down among the leaves on the ground, she shoots forward, a black streak scattering gold. As yet the squirrels have escaped panting onto the highest branches and Sleeker in a frenzy attacks the leaves throwing them in the air and twisting her body in acrobatic shapes to follow.

    I think she is communicating through savage dance how squirrels should fear her. And eyes wide and gray breasts heaving, they do.

    Of course, we have no lemon tress.

  9. max

    Cats doing savage dances, yay!

  10. max

    [ps : kym all your email is bouncing and i cannot post to your blog without a demonic google account which i actually have but the damn thing fights me every time i try to use it so i never do i just do not post to blogspot blogs that require i use one in order to post hint hint go wordpress kym hint hint — additional hint to chris if he is reading guess why i never comment on your blog chris hint hint]

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