the treacherous tree
Okay, here is something in movies I never get.
Heroes are on some dangerous quest, probably in a tropical jungle or on an ice capped peak or something. The fate of the world hangs in the balance. They reach a cliff. There is a rushing dangerous torrent of river one million feet below them. It is full of jagged rocks or hungry carnivorous beasties or both. The only way to cross the chasm is this treacherous tree that has fallen across the chasm exactly right to create a treacherous bridge.
[They always come out right by the treacherous tree too. Is there some special compass that directs heroic questers exactly to the spot on a cliff where a treacherous tree has fallen or what?]
All the heroic questers line up and shout "Don't look down!" [a LOT -- right before they all look down] and walk, teetering and pin wheeling, along the treacherous tree to the other side.
Okay. The key word there is "walk."
Walk?
WALK???
Listen. If I had to cross a death defying chasm on a treacherous tree? Do you think for one second I would be walking? Upright?
Oh hell no.
I am not from the circus. I will not play tight rope on some damn treacherous tree. I will sit on that dumb tree and scooch, hanging on with every extremity I have got, the whole way to the other side. The end.
And if I fall? It will not be a fall. It will be a sideways slip. Big deal. I will still be clinging to that tree like a Lemur. I will just be upside down. I danced ballet. The thighs will hold. And I will get to the other side. Upright, sideways, or upside down --
I will get to the other side.
It is not dignified. It is not graceful. But hey. I am a heroic quester, right? The fate of the world hangs in the balance, right? So which is more important? Dignity? Or the fate of the world?
Exactly.
How about that bridge? You know, that bridge that crosses million foot chasms and has no hand holds and has lots of loose boards and probably is two million years old and everyone shouts [again] "Don't look down!" and [again] immediately looks down and [again] WALKS ACROSS?
Hello? Moron Questers? CRAWL.
Crawling is not dignified either, but crawling is better than plunging one million feet to be an hors d'oeuvre for ravenous beasties. So I say crawl. And till someone comes up with a better suggestion? I am sticking to that.
Love and Kisses,
Your Crawl Don't Walk Adams Girl
