the mean astrologist
Wow it is practically November. I am wondering how I am going to pay bills because Washington Mutual's bill pay system has been reformated to pay one bill at a time and each one takes five minutes to upload which I can beat filling out checks by hand. Which sort of defeats the purpose of paying bills online since that is supposed to be, well, faster and more convenient or so I thought till today. Gadzooks.
Also I got a late notice from a company that suggests one bill I paid last month did not get paid. Which is bad. If one bill did not get paid more than one bill maybe did not get paid. So I get to spend Monday on hold finding out who got paid and who didn't. Hmm. Maybe it is time to sign up for Earthlink's bill pay. Washington Mutual's idea of "quick pay" is turning into more work than hopping a plane carrying a bag of cash. But time to pay bills also means it is time for a new thought. And today's thought is:
THE MEAN ASTROLOGIST:
The astrology woman is mocking my love life again. She does this every month but November is just underhanded and mean.
November I am "The golden one."
November Jupiter shines in my romance sector "Like a beacon in the night."
November I am "One of the most favored signs of all for finding true love."
I wonder there what "One of the most favored signs" means. There are only twelve signs. How many of those are favorites? Like, if I am in the top twelve, that could put me at the bottom, right? But she says I am "Golden."
Um. Okay. Look --
I am "Golden" in romance like Andy Rooney is going to win the next Iron Man competition. I know this. Friends know this. Proably Andy Rooney knows this and puts it in his Christmas letter. Which is all ironic and stuff because I write romantic stories. Dark romantic stories, but they are romantic stories. I write them great too. It is one of the few things I am good at. Writing romantic stories. It is the living them part that has not worked out for me. And everyone knows that except --
Horoscope Woman.
And she does this every month.
In October she told me "Your romantic life is about to do a complete turnaround." Cosmic news for October was "so fantastic" she was "afraid to tell" because I "wouldn't believe it." But, she assured me, "Believe it, you must. It is THAT good!"
Yes, Ma'am.
Um. Have I mentioned I have been single five years?
I'm cute too. I used to model bathing suits. So no cracks. But I've been single five years and potato people every day are having passionate flings on Jerry Springer and I am not. Who knew?
And there is Horoscope Woman to remind me.
September? "Dear Aquarius this is the month for you. . . ."
August? "Dear Aquarius, I have wonderful news. . . ."
July? Okay, just do not even start.
Horoscope Woman doesn't just mock me monthly either. Mocking me is an annual highlight. Like at the end of 1999, Horoscope Woman made an announcement 2000 would be "My Year" and I would be "Swept Away" by mid June and it would just be fairy tales and roses for the rest of the century.
Um. It is November.
No roses.
No fairy tales.
No swept away.
So look here you Horoscope Woman. I have about had it with you. I have a sense of humor. But five years single with you mocking me every month -- that is sixty months of mocking by the way I checked on the calculator I use only for important occassions -- is just not nice. Jeez. Picking on a girl sixty months in a row with year end highlights is not even mocking. It is taunting. Quit that.
I don't mind being single. I like having all the closets. That is extra room for shoes and a nice perk. But there are little girl dreams here that say there is a prince out there for me and any minute he will be showing up on a white horse and okay I am pretty sure that is not going to happen and some girls are just supposed to be single and I am probably one of those girls but every time you blurt out "Aquarius this is the month for you!"
Part of me remembers those little girl dreams. And gets sad.
So knock it off!
Jeez!
Pick on the Leos for a while, would you?
Aquarius could use a break.
Love and Kisses,
Your Taunted Adams Girl
PS: Design changes around here are just about done unless I go unsane and start using Flash so stay buckled and keep both hands inside the vehicle at all times just to be sure.
